Chris Distefano

So what I'm saying is this country should welcome everyone who wants to meaningfully contribute to American society, except Dominicans. I'm sorry, but yeah, like I said, I'm Puerto Rico, papi. And apparently there's bad blood, but I don't speak Spanish and my kids will teach me. So either way, this one's soft. All right. Yeah. There we go. No, seriously, that was, I was nervous on that one.

So what I'm saying is this country should welcome everyone who wants to meaningfully contribute to American society, except Dominicans. I'm sorry, but yeah, like I said, I'm Puerto Rico, papi. And apparently there's bad blood, but I don't speak Spanish and my kids will teach me. So either way, this one's soft. All right. Yeah. There we go. No, seriously, that was, I was nervous on that one.

That was a controversial subject. So I want to get to something a little lighter. So hit me. All right, can I spin again? Can I spin again? Because I just, I don't want to say anything. Yeah, can we just get rid of the trans rights? On the board, not in life. On the board, Jesus Christ, don't clip that.

That was a controversial subject. So I want to get to something a little lighter. So hit me. All right, can I spin again? Can I spin again? Because I just, I don't want to say anything. Yeah, can we just get rid of the trans rights? On the board, not in life. On the board, Jesus Christ, don't clip that.

That was close. Wiggled out. OK, Doge, please do not tell me you're against the government running more efficiently. I mean, anyone who says that doesn't remember the DMV before they installed the bakery number system. I mean, right. Remember that? It's still too slow, though. I mean, by the time I get to the window, I forget why I'm even there.

That was close. Wiggled out. OK, Doge, please do not tell me you're against the government running more efficiently. I mean, anyone who says that doesn't remember the DMV before they installed the bakery number system. I mean, right. Remember that? It's still too slow, though. I mean, by the time I get to the window, I forget why I'm even there.

I'm like, yeah, let me get a half a pound of mortadella. I mean, sorry, I have a DUI. That said, some of these cuts might be going too deep. I mean, they just listed Guantanamo Bay on Airbnb. And hey, if you've ever stayed at an Airbnb, it could be worse. My solution? Let them do their cuts. But I get to bring a baseball bat on a plane.

I'm like, yeah, let me get a half a pound of mortadella. I mean, sorry, I have a DUI. That said, some of these cuts might be going too deep. I mean, they just listed Guantanamo Bay on Airbnb. And hey, if you've ever stayed at an Airbnb, it could be worse. My solution? Let them do their cuts. But I get to bring a baseball bat on a plane.

If you're defunding air marshals, I'm not going down without a fight. Now give me that seat. Give me that aisle seat. I pee a lot. Chrissy the Prostate. All right. Solved it. Moving on.

If you're defunding air marshals, I'm not going down without a fight. Now give me that seat. Give me that aisle seat. I pee a lot. Chrissy the Prostate. All right. Solved it. Moving on.

OK, so Canada isn't the only cold, pasty country Trump wants. He's also after Greenland. Now, people are really mad about this for some reason. And I got to be honest with you, I've never even met a single person that's been to Greenland, let alone anyone from Greenland. And like I said, I'm from Queens. We got everybody there.

OK, so Canada isn't the only cold, pasty country Trump wants. He's also after Greenland. Now, people are really mad about this for some reason. And I got to be honest with you, I've never even met a single person that's been to Greenland, let alone anyone from Greenland. And like I said, I'm from Queens. We got everybody there.

One time I had to break up a fight between a Hare Krishna and a meter made from Tajikistan. I was like, you guys both wear robes. Just be friends. True. Now, also, this is crazy. Did you know there's only 50,000 people in Greenland? I have 50,000 people on my block. Not for nothing. You guys are also being kind and greedy with that land. It's 600 million acres.

One time I had to break up a fight between a Hare Krishna and a meter made from Tajikistan. I was like, you guys both wear robes. Just be friends. True. Now, also, this is crazy. Did you know there's only 50,000 people in Greenland? I have 50,000 people on my block. Not for nothing. You guys are also being kind and greedy with that land. It's 600 million acres.

That's got to be at least four Home Depots. What are they doing in Greenland? I mean, is that where they make the plastic? I don't know. And if you're a liberal and you hate this, maybe you shouldn't have spent so much time telling Trump to go green. This is what he thought you meant. So, and I, it's true. And I got to be honest, that's what I thought you meant too. I'm an idiot.

That's got to be at least four Home Depots. What are they doing in Greenland? I mean, is that where they make the plastic? I don't know. And if you're a liberal and you hate this, maybe you shouldn't have spent so much time telling Trump to go green. This is what he thought you meant. So, and I, it's true. And I got to be honest, that's what I thought you meant too. I'm an idiot.

We cannot please these people. So I'm just going to mark this one not soft. All right. Yeah. Can't win them all. Well, that's it for me. I hope you didn't learn anything today because if you did, that means you're even dumber than me and I got bad news for you. You're definitely getting rejected from Hofstra. So I'm Chris DiStefano and I hope I solved that one for you.

We cannot please these people. So I'm just going to mark this one not soft. All right. Yeah. Can't win them all. Well, that's it for me. I hope you didn't learn anything today because if you did, that means you're even dumber than me and I got bad news for you. You're definitely getting rejected from Hofstra. So I'm Chris DiStefano and I hope I solved that one for you.

We're back. We got the kids back. We got everybody. Well, we lost a couple of kids in the divorce, but that's okay. But Yanni, my wife.

We're back. We got the kids back. We got everybody. Well, we lost a couple of kids in the divorce, but that's okay. But Yanni, my wife.