Chris Winchester

And then we did a set of experiments with teams, one-on-one dyadic conversations.

And then we even did informal conversations at a networking event.

conference and so across all those different contexts different ways of surveys experiments manipulating how you're talking to see if any of that is driving better listening based on your extroversion introversion but at the end of the day we do not find that introverts or extroverts are actually better listeners interesting now listening well and being perceived as being a good listener people thinking that you're listening well

I mean, it depends on the context.

And so a lot of times you might think like, oh, I'm a really good listener.

I'm understanding everything that they're saying.

But what everyone else is saying is you just sitting there, you're not even nodding, you're not responding to anything.

Like they're clearly not listening to a single word that I am saying.

And so what matters is

are you a good listener or does it matter that are you perceived as a good listener?

And so what we focus on in our study is, are you perceived as a good listener?

Because what that does is ultimately drive trust in relationships.

If I feel that you're listening to me, David, I'm going to have more trust in you at work.

And my performance is going to increase on our team if I feel that I'm being listened to.

I mean, well, that's the key, though, too, is if you like, oh, well, if I just fake like I'm a good listener.

you're actually going to accidentally become a good listener because some of the best ways that you can become a good listener is by repeating back what someone is saying to you, summarizing what they're saying.

By doing that, you have to focus on what they're saying enough to summarize back to them.

Same thing, if you're going to show the nonverbals are like smiling when they say something funny, well, you have to pay attention enough to know that what they're saying is funny.

And so, by trying to seem like a good listener, you might accidentally become a good listener.

I mean, because at the end of the day, like, great listeners aren't born