Christopher Titus

Because they have dads that are focused and hardworking. And we've just decided there was something about the silver spoon in your mouth. And we just write you off. And we're like, get the hell out of here. And I completely disagree with that. And by the way, let's just use your math.

I know plenty of fucking idiots from the valley whose parents are fucking retarded, never told them how to balance a checkbook, never taught them the value of hard work or studying or anything. They just got divorced and lived in separate apartments in North Hollywood. Should they be president? Should we vote for Ray?

No. He don't know what the fuck's going on. That would be fun. Yeah. Look, everyone in Mexico is poor. Does that make you noble? Does that mean you know something about finance or real estate or foreign policy? No. No. It doesn't. Okay. The Kennedys were rich, were they not? Mm-hmm. But good rich, right? The good rich. You're right. There is a whole category of good rich. Yes, there is.

Oikein? Ei se ole seuraava asia. Hän on menossa John Candylle. Muistatko John Candylle? No, hänen viimeisenä elokuvana oli Settlareiden ympäristö. No, Wagons East.

Joo, jotain. Richard Lewisin kanssa. Jotain tällaista. Oh, niin, niin pahaa. Miten voit? Tämä on asia. Advertisenttiset haluavat vain jatkaa mitään kontroversiota tai poliittista, kuitenkin. Joo.

He vain haluavat ulos. He eivät halua mitään ongelmia. Tämä on se, miten järjestäjät toimivat. Ja kun he kuulevat mitään ongelmia, he aloittavat menemään toiselle puolelle. Se on vähän niin, että kun olet restaurantissa ja katsot tavaraa ja näet, että on yksi, joka vaikuttaa. Ja sinun täytyy mennä toiselle puolelle. Minä itse asiassa pysyn itseäni.

Kyllä, vaikka he eivät ole tehneet ison taistelun, mutta he ovat tehneet yhden niiden, kuten minulla oli se, kun me olimme menossa Denversissa tai jotain, ja minulla oli se, kun menin turvallisuusalueen takana, jossa oli se, että minä en jättänyt sen autoon, sinä jätit sen autoon.

I'm not even so sure it's in the car. Oh, if it's not in the car, well, then it's at home. Okay, well, if it's at home, then we're totally screwed. We're not going to make a child, right? Yeah, I don't know. I didn't want to ask what it was, but it was like, and there was a lot of, well, it would, look, if it's in the car now, then I'll go get it. But if it's not, I'm going to save myself a trip right now. And it's sort of getting a little bit heated. A couple that's been together too long and just doesn't give a fuck anymore. So, yeah.

Luulen, että se olisi varmaan vanhemmat. Minusta se on tosi hauskaa. Minulla ei halunnut olla siinä. Toivottavasti kaveri meni paikalleen katsomaan jotain. Oliko se siellä? En tiedä, koska olin katsomassa paikalleni, ja se oli onnistunut toimittajana, ja me rauhoitimme siitä yksiin ja menimme toiseen.

You can't fight in front of my family because you just have to get into a huge fight on Thanksgiving once a year. It's not like I don't see my family, really. But I'll go over to their house and fight with them on occasion. But that's not fighting in front of them. I mean couple fighting. The couple fighting I will do in front of the nanny.

Because also it's nice because then when Lynette storms out of the room, I can turn to the nanny and go, in your village, would they put up with this shit? There's no fucking way you'd put up with this shit in your village. She's from Nicaragua. It's kind of condescending. Oh, no, wait. She's from... Oh, fuck. I'll find out where she's from. Miho!

You know, people do request the mijos. Maybe I'm going to give the mijos. You know, I don't even, I've only heard about the mijos. She's from Guatemala, I think. Sorry, yeah. The mijos. I think Adam's going to come on soon, by the way. All right, I will do. Let's wrap the news for now. That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunt. That was the news with Alison Rosen.

Pro flowers, baby. Yeah. You gotta get yourself some pro flowers. Such great deals these guys have. I mean, you go to their website and it's just... Flowers used to be a hundred bucks. I mean, a florist is a hundred bucks. A hundred and ten bucks for like roses and all that stuff.

ProFlowers, you walk out there with that whole website for that kind of money. 800-ProFlowers. Mention Ace, if you will, and you can save some money. Also, you can go to ProFlowers.com. Click on the microphone in the top right corner and type in Ace.

They just worked it out. I don't know. It's not catch-as-catch-can anymore. They show up, they're in a box, you pop them open, you put them in a vase, put a little water, put a little packet of curry sauce or seasoning or whatever in there. Flour, cocaine. Yeah, keeps those things going for a couple of weeks and beautiful. Flowers are up all night. Around the holidays especially. That is proflowers.com. Miho, bring Titus in here in a minute.

Miho was Adam de la Pena. Adam de la Pena got a job for the Man Show. We would hire people based on their ability to play softball. And then there was a couple other factors in there. And de la Pena came in. He was this like chubby Mexican guy. And he was goofy. And Adam de la Pena came in and he said...

I sewed you both Hawaiian shirts. And we said, you got us Hawaiian shirts? No, no, I sewed you. I made these Hawaiian shirts for you two. And we were like, all right, well, you're in. We don't need to look at any writing samples. You sewed us Hawaiian shirts. Wow.

I guess Jimmy and I knew we'd be writing most of the show anyway, so it was like, but we could hire writing staff. So we just wanted to hire people that were good at softball and sewed Hawaiian shirts and stuff like that. You didn't need a wardrobe assistant. Yeah, if they were funny, that was a plus, but it wasn't a must. So De La Pena...

I used to do this thing. I don't know where the fuck it even came from. But I would call him Miho. And I think he was like the junior writer. And since I couldn't type, I got hooked up with Miho. And I would go into his cubicle or the writer room. And I would just dictate my scripts. And he would just be typing away on it. And we used to have to entertain ourselves over there on the man show. And we'd do a lot of...

I'd do this for the riders. I would do my three mijos and eventually got up to like five. But I was the middle-aged, slightly heavyset Hispanic mom who I believe was coming home from the market. And