Christopher Titus

He's the federal aviation administrator. He's the guy who decided that Natalia didn't have to wear her flip-flops or could wear her flip-flops when she went through the... I don't know if he personally did, but he was near the people who did. I just hope when he was arrested the cop gave him an extra...

Helping of cop talk. Sure, what I need you to do for me right now is go ahead and turn around real quick, okay, for me right now. And he went, hey, you don't need all those words. And he'd go, how's it feel, bitch? Because you've instructed every single person who works under you to fucking give the extra airport talk. People, what I'm gonna... You know what drives me even more nuts now? The sing-songy bitch will sit in the front and she'll just be... She doesn't do anything. She just stands in front of the metal detector and she does this one.

Liikkuja. Se tarkoittaa kaikki liikkuja. Yli 3,5 otsia. Yli 100 millilitriä. Kaikki liikkuja. Se tarkoittaa shampooa. Se tarkoittaa konditionneja. Se tarkoittaa kaikki gelit ja liikkuja. Kaikki formi. Se tarkoittaa vettä. Se tarkoittaa...

All of them need to be removed from the thing. All computers out of the bag and clearly displayed in their own tray. Every computer, people, if we have to remove the computer from the bag, we're only going to have to say, all liquids, over three points. It's like, okay, sweet. What could make this experience worse?

Tämä. Kappaleen äiti, joka kertoo minulle, että minun täytyy saada kappaleen. Hän on kuin joku, joka hakeaa tuotetta Koskoon. Koskoon puhuttiin viime aikoina, ja he antaa paljon sammua, mutta sitten on aina muutama paikka, jossa on joku, joka antaa koko tuotetta. Niin paljon kuin se. No, no. Tiedät miksi? Koska he yrittävät saada sinulle ostaa tuotetta.

Tämä henkilö on pysyvällä ja soittaa. Toinen henkilö on pysyvällä ja pysyvällä.

Might I suggest, I know you had your heart set on pina coladas for this party. Might I suggest a nice bottle of white Zinfandel? Thank you. Keep moving. You're not smooth enough for a smoothie, understood? Would you like a smoothie? Here's how I suggest you make it. Take a banana. Pehmeitä lahjoja. Kovia lahjoja.

Break it in half, shove it in your mouth. Then dump orange juice in your mouth. Then take a handful of your favorite berries and or protein powder and shove them into your mouth. Then put your head in a paint can and then swallow. Thank you. In the background, the husband is over to the wife. I think we should get one of those magic bullet blunders. So what's with pilots and people who work around airplanes being drunk all the time? I don't know, but I never drink more than when I'm in an airport.

Kyllä, ehkä he tuntuvat siltä myös. Tässä on se, että ensimmäisenä olen tyytyväinen juuriin. Olet rikki. Olen rikki. Olen yllättynyt. Haluan aikaa mennä pois. Haluan vain pysyä. Haluan vain lopettaa sitä. Oletko jokin aina syönyt niin kauan, että aikaa jatkuu?

No, that'll happen with pot, but with booze I'll just push on through or not care. You don't vomit frequently anymore, do you? No, I'm amazed at how much drinking I can do at an airport, because it's spread out very nicely. You know what I mean? We're not doing tequila shots.

Yksi asia on se, että olen käynyt kaikkialla paikalla ja en ollut pyytänyt nähdä minun ID-näkymääni. Ja nyt kaksi kertaa ajan ajan ajan ajan ajan ajan ajan ajan ajan ajan

Ymmärrätkö, että elämme yhteisössä, jossa jokainen ihmisen täytyy laittaa lainsäädäntöä varassa. Ei tarvitse laittaa lainsäädäntöä tarpeeksi lopussa. Voi olla, että nuoret eivät tarvitse laittaa lainsäädäntöä varassa. Voi olla, että nuoret eivät tarvitse laittaa lainsäädäntöä varassa. Voi olla, että nuoret ei tarvitse laittaa lainsäädäntöä varassa.

He tweeted a lot about it. Don't fuck with those captains. A lot of those guys are ex-flyers, like marines and stuff like that. And they're drunk, yeah. They don't need your highfalutin Hollywood guys. I feel like they're just waiting to kick highfalutin Hollywood people off their airplanes. The guy.

I mean, and that was actually mucus. There's two ways you get juice in life. You earn it or once in a while it lands in your lap.

Eli Earnit-yhteisöt, Richard Bransons of the world, or Alec Baldwins of the world, they have juice. Now, they shouldn't be able to abuse it, but let's face it, they're used to kind of getting treated differently than you and I, and they've earned whatever they've earned. I don't know, I didn't design society, all I know is when you're a hot looking chick, or you're a guy who people recognize from hosting SNL 16 times, you get treated differently than most people.

He earned his juice. The flight attendants did not earn their juice. These are junior college students who weren't doing too much with their life. They're not what you call super smart or super ambitious or super anything. They're just working people.

But then 9-11 happened and now they got juice. And that juice landed in their lap. And I'm not talking about turned over box. I'm talking about the kind of juice that gives you power to throw off a guy like Alec Baldwin. So now they're juiced up. And they do...

mitä useimmat ihmiset tekevät, suomalaiset tekevät, kun he saavat hieman juustoa. Kaikki tekevät sitä asiaa, jossa he sanovat, että tämä ilmaisu on pysyvä, ja se ilmaisu on pysyvä, ja minä olisin hyvää, jos olisin bossi, tai minä olisin hyvää. Oikeastaan, yritä saada kaikkia tukkia, ja saada kaikkia tukkia ja pysyviä, ja mennä kaikkia paikojaan, ja mennä ensimmäiseen kohdalle, ja katso, kuinka nopeasti menet 0-1. Olen nähnyt, että se tapahtuu miljoona kertaa. Se tapahtuu paljon ihmisistä.

And that's why a lot of these guys are douchey. And look what has happened to the civilians. Flight attendants have become bitches in the last 10 years. They formerly were the nicest people on the planet. Like if you said, if I made this joke 20 years ago, if 20 years ago I said bitchier than a flight attendant, you'd go...

The good looking chick who offers you a pillow? Like that joke would not make sense, right? If I said in 2011, she's bitchier than a flight attendant, you'd get it. So what happened? They got juice. And when you take fair to middling brain sized people and you give them juice, a lot of times you turn into fucking monsters. That's what's going on. That's all the fucking security dickheads. And that's my sort of, we've built...