Christopher Titus

Surpaisi!

Can't touch it, there's a velvet rope around its edge. Corolla Weekend. Yeah. Tix is a Peterson Automotive Museum. It's fantastic, by the way. And behind the scenes tour of the shop slash studio right here. Oh, okay. Enter at facebook.com slash discount tire or our site. All right. We'll go at it. Thanks for the heads up, Mike. Appreciate it, buddy.

No idea. All right. There's my car, by the way. Which one? Well, it's fast. Now, which car do you think is my car? You have to figure out. You've got a De Tomaso Pantera there to the right. I go with both of them.

I like that. I think maybe the orange one. Yeah, there it is. Nice. My wife bought a Prius. Leno said to me, why did you do that? I said, I don't know. They asked, who's starting the car? I was like, I don't know, Jay. Why did you do it? I went, I start my cars. I don't let my cars in. I said, I don't know. They asked for my car. I remember being verbally assaulted by you. They asked, put my car in its place. I said, fine. I don't understand. Who's starting? Who's working? Who's handling that car? I was like...

All right, Jay. First off, you're rich. Quiet. Relax. You're fine. And I'm sure there's not some kid rubbing his ass against a fender. And yeah, it probably needs to be started, and it's not. And I can dig it. They're a non-profit. They wanted my car, so be it. I don't know. It was full of questions. Then now I have a question. It did not trust. How long did they have it for, do you know? They had it for like six months, and then they like renewed it.

Are you going to feel sad when they want to return it? Like, oh, my car's not good enough for your museum? No, I kind of miss my car. And I took my kids and they said, there's daddy's car. And they went, yeah, all right. You know, because they're completely jaded. They're a disaster at this point. All right. More news? Mm-hmm. Now, the rest of the news with Allison Rosen. Allison!

Tämä on totta. Se näyttää siltä, että joku vahvasti syrjähti. Kyllä, mutta Carnegie Hall ja Kennedy Center ovat edelleen olemassa puhelinpohjaisen ja puhelinpohjaisen poliisi. Ei kukaan halua tehdä Shakespearea ja katsoa, että jotkut pysyvät puhelinpohjaan. Mutta ovatko he yrittäneet tuoda kiinnostusta? Ja mitä jos sanoisit pysyviä asioita?

Minä tekevän twiittejä minulla, mutta en halua, että ihmiset miettivät, että Carolla ei ole niin hauska itse asiassa. Paljon materiaalia, melko pysyvää. Se ei yhdistä niin hyvin kuin Bobby Collins. Teidän pitäisi tehdä heidät kirjoittamaan, ennen kuin he saavat twiittejä. Minun tarvitaan positiivisia twiittejä. Se on se, mitä me haluamme.

Hän on todella iso ja iso ihminen. Mielestäni koirien järjestäjät pitäisivät mennä hieman yli tuohon järjestelmään. Jotkut pitäisivät mennä tuohon järjestelmään. Jotkut pitäisivät mennä tuohon järjestelmään. Jotkut pitäisivät mennä tuohon järjestelmään. Jotkut pitäisivät mennä tuohon järjestelmään. Jotkut pitävät mennä tuohon järjestelmään. Jotkut pitävät mennä tuohon järjestelmään.

Yeah, well, that's why you're supposed to drop acid and take your top off. Imagine telling all those folks over at Woodstock. There'll be a couple of seats for the tweeters. Naked, high and sliding through mud. You were there, Bobby? Yeah.

Oh, that's right. You opened for the Grateful Dead. No, I was there, me and John Mamaletsi. What were you doing? John said to me, hey, there's a lot of shit going up upstate New York. Want to take a ride? He had a new Z28. Wow. I said like this, fuck, yeah. Camaro. Yeah. I said, let's go. I knew that. We got as far, and we pulled off to the side of the road until they let us, and then we jumped on cars, you know, trucks, that were moving, taking people, and it was great.

Smoked up body weight in pot. Wow. Where did you sleep? Right next to people. Matter of fact, we were good guys, because we were looking around at people like, are we going to get caught? We were still like, oh, these people. Do you remember the bands? Oh, yes. Then you weren't there. No. I remember the one, going up the country.

Oh, joo, oh, oh. Kanned heat. Kanned heat. That's when we first were lying. I want some love for getting canned heat on. And then it rained. I think I made it up for Darlene Love. That was a protracted period of time, but the canned heat, pal. Whoever's throwing the blue acid, get rid of it, man. We were like, what? The bad brown acid? Your wife would be tweeting, all right, stay away from the brown acid, man.

Ja siellä oli linjoja tuohon koneeseen. Nyt meillä on kaikki koneita. Kyllä, yksinkertaisempi aika. Mutta paljon iloja ja rakkautta. Se oli vihreää. Mutta muistakaa, että meillä oli Nixon kohdalla. Ja Vietnam-vaihto. Mä menin Occupyyn. Wall Street, se on ympäri puolta. Mä tykkään sentimentistä. Se tuottaa...

Oh, look at this. There's nothing good to focus on. Nixon was such a man. He was the man. But down there there was no focus. It was weird. I like this song because it sounds like someone squeezing his balls the whole time he's singing. Maybe that was his secret. It was good. It's a rambling song. I love the country.

Luulen, että jos joku sanoi, että siellä on paljon asiaa menossa, johon haluat mennä, niin minä sanoisin, että ei, mutta kerro minulle, missä se menossa on, ja voin vähentää niitä kautta. Hän sanoisi, että no, laittakaa minulle ympyrän ja pyörän, varmaan minulla on laptopini. Onko siellä johonkin, johon voin laittaa ympyrän, tai onko minun tarpeeksi ostaa yhden? Se oli erilaista, ja siellä oli hevät hevät. Nämä ovat ne, muistatko niitä naisia, jotka olivat vain ylös ja tanssivat? Kyllä.

Ja katsotaan hänet. Voi, voi, siellä ne ovat. Tämä oli Freedom Rock, Brogan. Kyllä, Freedom Rock. Se oli hienoa. Minun isäni on 13 vuotta vanha. Hänet käännetään. Hänet käännetään. Hän oli Woodstockissa.

Good stuff. All right. Entertainment Weekly ran a survey of TV shows that appeal to lefties versus right wing. Republicans and Democrats is how it was broken down. But this can't be news shows or Fox shows or CNN shows. It's gotta be like sitcoms, right? It's both. We don't need Fox and Friends, do we?

Me tiedämme, miten se toimii. Se ei ole tuossa. No, kuten The Daily Show ja Colbert Report. Se on lähtökohta. Mutta ne ovat tuossa. Siksi sanon, että on joitain uusia. Se on helppo. Se ei ole mitään. Mutta minulle se on enemmän kuin sitcomit.

Oh, so this is the Democrats. Yes. This is two and a half guys who didn't want to fucking pay their taxes, but instead blame people because they drove nice cars. This is those three teachers. And wanted free healthcare because Canada had it. Right.