Claire Diaz

It's so important that you understand your own body and your own needs and your own desires and what feels good for you before you are almost like putting that onto somebody else and expecting somebody else to be able to find that for you.

Yeah, it can be a really beautiful practice of understanding and cultivating that in your own body and then getting to share it with somebody else after.

Yeah, this is such a huge one.

And I honestly think it's one of the number one concerns or difficulties that people are coming to see a sex therapist or sexologist for is this kind of mismatched libido or sex drive, having desire discrepancies.

And it's often the person with the lower libido, someone that feels disconnected from pleasure, that really struggles to be able to communicate it because of that fear of making the other person feel like they're rejected or they're not wanted.

And, you know, if that is the intention that you are wanting to connect with this person, but this is about you, I think that's exactly how you communicate it.

It can be a really vulnerable and scary step for so many of us.

We're not taught how to talk about sex, but it needs to start with that.

It needs to start with being vulnerable because that's how you can connect easier and

And making sure that the person knows it's not about them and that you care about them, you find them sexy or whatever it is.

But this is about your journey and bringing it back to this is what I'm experiencing in my body right now.

And once you kind of frame that, then you can work on what's next for you.

And that might look like ways that you can be intimate or it might be finding some middle grounds of, you know, I'm not actually feeling like I want intimacy right now.

How can that be okay in this situation?

Totally.

There's so many options.

Yeah and that's so important as well because I think sex just often gets put in this pigeonhole of being penetrative intercourse and that is just not the case.

Sex can be so many things and even moving away from the word sex and using intimacy instead because that could be an emotional connection or something that you just you go and do an activity together like all of that is intimacy and you can still feel close to someone and maybe still get that what you're looking for like that pleasure from it.

It's really understandable if things come up in you that feel like rejection or you're feeling let down, but it's so important that you recognise that.

This person is not trying to do that and this is their journey.