Courtney Harrell (Host)
Appearances
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
For new parents, having kids comes with all kinds of life changes. And it can bring up all kinds of anxieties, new and old, that you have to figure out how to confront. And a lot of times, those anxieties are around money. That has definitely been true for Jay. This week, we'll take a peek into his life with a toddler and a brand new baby in the house.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
On day three, Jay also had one more expected expense. His mom's cat of 15 years died, and Jay offered to help cover the death expenses.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
And listen in as the week of diaries shows him something he didn't expect. I'm Courtney Harrell, and this is what we spend. how would you describe your relationship with money?
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
With the medicine, cough drops, and wine, plus some propane for their stove and generator and Jay's phone bill, day three's total was $345. On day three, they also had a little extra money come in. If Jay's family history means he's always looking for corners to cut and occasionally having to help out his folks, his wife's family and their money situation creates a different kind of anxiety.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Then, a few years later, when they wanted to buy a house, his wife's parents helped them again. This time with $25,000 towards a down payment, which Jay says would have otherwise used up more than half of their savings.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
You talked in your diaries about her parents giving you all money.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Right, it puts what you have done up to that point in a totally different light.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
After a tip on the haircut and buying a box of tea, the total for day five was $61.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
What do you think was the biggest abstract kid money anxiety before you met kids? Pre-kids.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Jay knows that money has colored everything about how he sees the world, but he's really been trying to change that. As a religious studies professor and also a religious person himself, the way he thinks about it is, what does my life revolve around? It's what one religious scholar he loves calls an orientation point. Everyone has an orientation point.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
The struggle for you was how do I shift my orientation from money to religion?
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Jay and his wife are both educators. His wife works for a Waldorf school and makes $60,000 a year. Jay makes $92,000 a year. How do the two of you manage your money together? Like what's your system?
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
I think that's kind of beautiful. That feels like a kind of surrender.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Well, I would like, I don't know if there feels, there feels like there's something like powerful in the idea that you're saying this is bigger. Well, I'll just, let me clarify.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Jay's total spending for the week was $1,034. What we spend is an Odyssey original podcast. It's written and hosted by me, Courtney Harrell. Our producers are Margo Gray and Kristen Torres. Our editor is Jonathan Menjivar. Our executive producers are Maddy Sprung-Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis. Theme song and original music by Matt McGinley. Additional music from APM Music. Mixing by Pedro Alvira.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Special thanks to Melissa Akiko Slaughter, Joel Lovell, Jenna Weiss-Berman, J.D. Crowley, Maura Curran, Josephina Francis, Kurt Courtney, Hilary Sheff, Sean Cherry, Laura Berman, and Hilary Van Ornam. If you want to be on What We Spend, we'd love to hear from you. Write us at whatwespendpodcast at gmail.com and tell us about yourself.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Let's get into Jay's numbers. Remember, their combined income is $152,000 a year. That's before taxes and health insurance. And they share their expenses.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Jay's referring to something called private mortgage insurance, or PMI. It's a fee that banks tack onto your mortgage when your down payment isn't big enough. So Jay is paying an extra $67 a month until they pay off 20% of their mortgage.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Their utilities really fluctuate in Maine. In the summer, they usually pay $300 to $400 a month, mostly on electric. In the winter, when the heat pumps kick in, it goes up to about $1,000 a month.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Transportation, $280 a month for their gas and tolls. Groceries, about $800 a month.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Their car insurance is a couple hundred bucks a month. And health insurance for the family is $383 a month. Medical debt, all baby-related, $170 a month.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
A family gym membership at the YMCA is $93 a month. And they pay about $50 a month for a combo of Netflix, Spotify, Amazon Prime, and the New York Times game subscription.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
When do you think like this kind of relationship with money started for you?
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Jay went on to college at a prestigious university that gave him a lot of grants. His parents did help him out a little too, taking out $10,000 in loans. And then he had a work-study job to pay for books and other needs.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Jay graduated with a degree in religious studies. After college, he worked for AmeriCorps for a stipend around $11,000 and just got used to living on very little. And then, around that same time, he had an experience that made him see money differently. His parents got divorced.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
He didn't see it as a kid, but now as a young adult confronting the reality of his parents' finances, he thought about the ways his mom would spend money when he was growing up and the ways that was probably shaping his spending now.
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
Our guest today is a 38-year-old religious studies professor in Maine. He's a parent of two kids, and he's asked us not to use his real name. So we're going to call him Jay. How old are your kids?
What We Spend
The Price of Parenthood
On day one, Jay also paid a credit card bill and sent a $50 gift card to his mom for her birthday, bringing his total for the day to $400.