D Madness

I'm like, why can't I have a bruschetta and a bath bomb as a bro?

You know, like I already take a shit and I eat a parfait.

I might as well have a meat and cheese spread while I bathe.

I'd have to make it more manly though, right?

I'd have to have a half crushed Modelo can in the corner.

And instead of a charcuterie tray though, just a floating Zen puck in the background.

You know, but I fear if I took that photo, one of my buddies would just zoom in on the stainless steel faucet, catch my dick just floating right in the middle of the tub.

Because that's what it does, I'm not gonna lie.

It's just a buoy sitting in the middle of Lake Flacid, just chilling, you know?

Because that's what I do.

Whenever I see you girls take those photos, I'm fucking zooming, dude.

To the point where I can't zoom no more, and then I just take a screenshot and zoom in an extra little bit.

Just to see if I can catch a dorsal fin underneath the water.

Thank you guys, I've been Danny Martinello.

To be honest, I don't even really know how to read, dude.

I mean, it ain't no difference than any day, Tony.

You always think I'm retarded.

Yeah, I've been trying to, like, just relax and stuff, and I sit in the bath.

I like the shower anyway, so I was like, I might as well just fill it up.

You have roommates?