Dan Harris

speaker
319 appearances 2 recordings 1 series first heard Apr 2024 last heard Dec 2024

Dan Harris’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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That is close.
So there's a thing called reflective listening.
And actually, I talk about this all the time, and I think it's worth saying because this little hack, which is not complicated, not hard to integrate into your life, had a massive impact on the quality of my relationships.
I'm saying that phrase again.
Okay, so reflective listening works like this, almost what you described.
So you're listening to somebody talk, and you kind of assign yourself a journalistic role.
I'm going to listen so that I can repeat back the bones of what they've said in my own voice.
So they can say several paragraphs to you, but you just repeat back, oh, it's your daughter's wedding this weekend.
It's a huge moment in the family's life.
Just some quick summary of it, which we know how to do as journalists.
And that is so pleasing on a primordial level to people to feel heard.
To most people.
to most people to feel heard and uh and what it does for you is if you're in a contentious conversation and you're summing up the other piece of person's point of view then actually gives you it's like a um a circuit breaker because most of the time if i'm in a contentious conversation the old me would just be thinking about the thing i'm going to say next not really listening but forcing myself to reflect helps kind of keep the the the temperature low
No.
I have so much to say about this.
Let me just ask you a question.
So is the problem in your mind that you're not doing it consistently or that when you do do it, you're getting too distracted?
It's almost never that way.
And meditation is like a totally jacked up video game where if you want to move forward, you can't move forward.
desire or greed or wanting anything is a hindrance to progress in meditation.
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