Dan Savage

calmer, more confident, loving, and attentive parents to their children when they still have some time off alone or together. But an infant, a one-year-old, you're still in that really high pressure, high intensity relay race stage, right? of parenting where this kid is with one or the other or both of you at all times.

And one or the other or both of you together need to be paying attention, taking care of the kid. And it's like a baton that's constantly being passed back and forth. And it's really stressful. And so I just, I worry for the kid that if you march in there and give your husband the speech, I want to eat some pussy. There are some sexual adventures that I want to have.

And one or the other or both of you together need to be paying attention, taking care of the kid. And it's like a baton that's constantly being passed back and forth. And it's really stressful. And so I just, I worry for the kid that if you march in there and give your husband the speech, I want to eat some pussy. There are some sexual adventures that I want to have.

But I want to go on together with you, including going to this place that you just told me you're kind of squicked out by. Even if there's a low probability of that conversation ending in a kind of relationship extinction level event, that low probability is still a high consequence, potentially. So I would encourage you to slow your roll. Next year and a half, at least. So the kid's a toddler.

But I want to go on together with you, including going to this place that you just told me you're kind of squicked out by. Even if there's a low probability of that conversation ending in a kind of relationship extinction level event, that low probability is still a high consequence, potentially. So I would encourage you to slow your roll. Next year and a half, at least. So the kid's a toddler.

Now, particularly as you have the kind of husband who steps up and does his fair share, hopefully his equal share of the child rearing, and to the point where you have nights off to pursue this passion of yours, credit to your husband, credit to you, but you not take that for granted. And you wait a bit. You wait until it's not too high pressure. And then...

Now, particularly as you have the kind of husband who steps up and does his fair share, hopefully his equal share of the child rearing, and to the point where you have nights off to pursue this passion of yours, credit to your husband, credit to you, but you not take that for granted. And you wait a bit. You wait until it's not too high pressure. And then...

You can say to your husband, who may have marinated on it a little bit. A lot of people, when it's not their idea, you know, a kink, a place to fuck, a thing to do, will have an instant, ooh, no, I would never.

You can say to your husband, who may have marinated on it a little bit. A lot of people, when it's not their idea, you know, a kink, a place to fuck, a thing to do, will have an instant, ooh, no, I would never.

And I encourage people when somebody lays their kink cards on the table and they're not your kinks, not to say no, which kind of sex negative culture teaches us to say, no, not for me, not the thing I want instead to say, Oh, cause you don't know how you might feel six months or a year down the line after you've thought about it. And so, yeah, maybe a year from now, your husband will be like, Oh,

And I encourage people when somebody lays their kink cards on the table and they're not your kinks, not to say no, which kind of sex negative culture teaches us to say, no, not for me, not the thing I want instead to say, Oh, cause you don't know how you might feel six months or a year down the line after you've thought about it. And so, yeah, maybe a year from now, your husband will be like, Oh,

after hearing a few more of your stories about your performances and this club and other venues more open to attending, but I wouldn't push it right now.

after hearing a few more of your stories about your performances and this club and other venues more open to attending, but I wouldn't push it right now.

You say you can respect other traditions, other cultures. All right. Can you respect... another tradition, another culture to the point that you never meet this guy's family. You respect his culture and those traditions enough to be his side piece forever, which is kind of what I think would happen here. You say you want something serious. You say you want a commitment.

You say you can respect other traditions, other cultures. All right. Can you respect... another tradition, another culture to the point that you never meet this guy's family. You respect his culture and those traditions enough to be his side piece forever, which is kind of what I think would happen here. You say you want something serious. You say you want a commitment.

I'm guessing after four months you weren't sending him funny marriage memes without an ulterior motive, but like, You were dropping a big hint there. And then the conversation went in a direction where you found out that this guy that you've been seeing casually for four months is married and has a kid. I don't know what the beginning of your relationship looked like. Was it casual?

I'm guessing after four months you weren't sending him funny marriage memes without an ulterior motive, but like, You were dropping a big hint there. And then the conversation went in a direction where you found out that this guy that you've been seeing casually for four months is married and has a kid. I don't know what the beginning of your relationship looked like. Was it casual?

You say he's getting his PhD and he has a side hustle. Maybe this was in his mind and, and he assumed it was also in your mind, a casual thing. And he didn't necessarily need to disclose this because he wasn't interested in anything serious. Wasn't available obviously for anything serious. And it turns out you want something more serious. And I sometimes joke about, not a joke.

You say he's getting his PhD and he has a side hustle. Maybe this was in his mind and, and he assumed it was also in your mind, a casual thing. And he didn't necessarily need to disclose this because he wasn't interested in anything serious. Wasn't available obviously for anything serious. And it turns out you want something more serious. And I sometimes joke about, not a joke.

I mean it laying your kink cards on the table at around six months. Well, here you are four months in and he laid his wife and kid card on the table. You say that he told you he's not sure he's going to get a divorce. Also not sure about whether or not he wants to give his marriage a shot.