Dan Savage

And you can go in there and just have sex with each other in this erotically charged environment where you're just showing off, maybe taking in some other people, where you're being the voyeur and the exhibitionist. And still... not having sex with anybody else, plowing all of that sexual energy and arousal and eroticism right into your monogamous partner.

That is definitely a thing that people do. That is not an unrealistic expectation to have. What is going to happen in this environment is once you enter this environment, this is a place where you are – by entering this environment, you are signaling to others that you may – because most people in that environment are open to fucking around with other people that they don't know or just met.

That is definitely a thing that people do. That is not an unrealistic expectation to have. What is going to happen in this environment is once you enter this environment, this is a place where you are – by entering this environment, you are signaling to others that you may – because most people in that environment are open to fucking around with other people that they don't know or just met.

So you and your partner may have to – say no to people who have expectations or hopes. They saw you, you're hot. They think, ah, I hope I can get with them. And they may approach you and you'll have to tell them that they can't get with you. And you're not violating a social obligation.

So you and your partner may have to – say no to people who have expectations or hopes. They saw you, you're hot. They think, ah, I hope I can get with them. And they may approach you and you'll have to tell them that they can't get with you. And you're not violating a social obligation.

You are violating, and not violating, you are swimming against the current of the social norm in that environment where most of the people in that environment are open to play with others, with strangers, with people they didn't arrive with. But no one in a public sex environment, no one in a sex club, no one at a sex party is obligated to sleep with anyone that they don't want to sleep with.

You are violating, and not violating, you are swimming against the current of the social norm in that environment where most of the people in that environment are open to play with others, with strangers, with people they didn't arrive with. But no one in a public sex environment, no one in a sex club, no one at a sex party is obligated to sleep with anyone that they don't want to sleep with.

And if you and your girlfriend don't want to fuck around with anybody else, you don't have to. All that said, who knows? You might be inspired to the potential danger here, potential conflict is that one of you will want to, and the other won't.

And if you and your girlfriend don't want to fuck around with anybody else, you don't have to. All that said, who knows? You might be inspired to the potential danger here, potential conflict is that one of you will want to, and the other won't.

And one will be angry that the other was tempted or wanted to, or wanted to renegotiate the terms of what you guys were interested in doing or available to do while you were in the sex club. So before you go, if you're going in only to play with each other, you have to swear to each other that even if tempted while you're in the space in the moment that night,

And one will be angry that the other was tempted or wanted to, or wanted to renegotiate the terms of what you guys were interested in doing or available to do while you were in the sex club. So before you go, if you're going in only to play with each other, you have to swear to each other that even if tempted while you're in the space in the moment that night,

If one of you is tempted or Yahtzee, both of you are tempted, you're not going to bring it up. You're not going to renegotiate your terms, the agreement that you two made entering that space.

If one of you is tempted or Yahtzee, both of you are tempted, you're not going to bring it up. You're not going to renegotiate your terms, the agreement that you two made entering that space.

If after you've been there, you have your little after action report, you tell each other how it felt, what you enjoyed, what you didn't enjoy, what you liked, what you might want to do next time, one of you or both of you want to bring that up, then you can think about it. But just, it's really dangerous.

If after you've been there, you have your little after action report, you tell each other how it felt, what you enjoyed, what you didn't enjoy, what you liked, what you might want to do next time, one of you or both of you want to bring that up, then you can think about it. But just, it's really dangerous.

For a couple who've gone into a sex club or a sex party and sworn they're only going to play with each other, really dangerous to try to upgrade to playing with others in the moment. Because one person might really want to and the other person might feel pressured to. And that can have catastrophic consequences after the fact. When that post-nut clarity swamps you and the one who was sort of

For a couple who've gone into a sex club or a sex party and sworn they're only going to play with each other, really dangerous to try to upgrade to playing with others in the moment. Because one person might really want to and the other person might feel pressured to. And that can have catastrophic consequences after the fact. When that post-nut clarity swamps you and the one who was sort of

ambivalent about it or a little reluctant but went along could wind up feeling tricked or violated. So just don't fucking do that. You go to that first sex party and I agree you shouldn't wait until you're bored or old or tired of each other or your sex life is falling apart to go.

ambivalent about it or a little reluctant but went along could wind up feeling tricked or violated. So just don't fucking do that. You go to that first sex party and I agree you shouldn't wait until you're bored or old or tired of each other or your sex life is falling apart to go.

When you go to this party, young and hot lesbians, when you go to this party, if you're only going in to have sex with each other, only have sex with each other. And if other people approach you, they're not doing anything wrong.