Dan Savage

But sometimes you do have maintenance sex or just calm and chill sex where you're connecting with your partner, but it's not swinging from the chandeliers by your ankles and your eyes are crossed afterwards. And you don't want it to be that every single time because that's physically and emotionally taxing in ways that can work as a disincentive to

have regular, maintainable, sustainable sexual intimacy in the context of a committed, ongoing relationship. If you put yourself under this pressure, every time you have sex, it has to be fireworks and best sex ever again. How can you do that? How can you sustain that in a relationship? If each time you have sex progressively...

have regular, maintainable, sustainable sexual intimacy in the context of a committed, ongoing relationship. If you put yourself under this pressure, every time you have sex, it has to be fireworks and best sex ever again. How can you do that? How can you sustain that in a relationship? If each time you have sex progressively...

The next time you have sex, you have to outdo the previous time you had sex. Some sort of like mad orgasmic arms race that you are not going to win. Look, you set up a kind of false choice for yourself that you're not there to enjoy sex. You are there to perform and do well as if it isn't possible for a person to walk and chew that gum.

The next time you have sex, you have to outdo the previous time you had sex. Some sort of like mad orgasmic arms race that you are not going to win. Look, you set up a kind of false choice for yourself that you're not there to enjoy sex. You are there to perform and do well as if it isn't possible for a person to walk and chew that gum.

At the same time, you can be there to enjoy the sex that you're having and to take your pleasure from someone. A lot of people really enjoy, really get off on the sense that you're They're not just receiving pleasure from this person, but this person that they're with is taking their pleasure from them in a way that's consensual, in a way that is mutually pleasurable.

At the same time, you can be there to enjoy the sex that you're having and to take your pleasure from someone. A lot of people really enjoy, really get off on the sense that you're They're not just receiving pleasure from this person, but this person that they're with is taking their pleasure from them in a way that's consensual, in a way that is mutually pleasurable.

But this person is drawing from you at the same time that they are pushing into you or providing for you. That's the straddle. That's the sweet spot. But you need to calm the fuck down. There are women out there who really enjoy sex. There are women out there who are orgasmic. There are women out there who can have multiple orgasms.

But this person is drawing from you at the same time that they are pushing into you or providing for you. That's the straddle. That's the sweet spot. But you need to calm the fuck down. There are women out there who really enjoy sex. There are women out there who are orgasmic. There are women out there who can have multiple orgasms.

You know what really makes it hard for anybody who can come to come? Feeling pressured to come, feeling like the person you're with regards your pleasure not as something that they're helping to create for you, but as a referendum.

You know what really makes it hard for anybody who can come to come? Feeling pressured to come, feeling like the person you're with regards your pleasure not as something that they're helping to create for you, but as a referendum.

that's being held on their skill as a lover, and then you can, because you don't want to disappoint them, wind up feeling like you have to, even if you are a woman who has orgasms and can have multiple orgasms, I've talked to women who are capable of multiple orgasms, who are with men, male partners, who knew it, and then they wound up in a situation where they were faking multiple orgasms for that guy because they didn't want to

that's being held on their skill as a lover, and then you can, because you don't want to disappoint them, wind up feeling like you have to, even if you are a woman who has orgasms and can have multiple orgasms, I've talked to women who are capable of multiple orgasms, who are with men, male partners, who knew it, and then they wound up in a situation where they were faking multiple orgasms for that guy because they didn't want to

crush him by not because the time they were getting together, it wasn't going to happen for them that time, but they're still enjoying the sex. So calm the fuck down about women who have multiple orgasms. Not all women can and not all women who do can or want to each time they have sex. There are other reasons people have sex. You're not just there.

crush him by not because the time they were getting together, it wasn't going to happen for them that time, but they're still enjoying the sex. So calm the fuck down about women who have multiple orgasms. Not all women can and not all women who do can or want to each time they have sex. There are other reasons people have sex. You're not just there.

to collect orgasms like Pokemon monsters, cards or whatever the fuck, however you collect those things. That's not what you're necessarily there for. Yes, men, particularly straight men, need to be encouraged to be solicitous of their partner's pleasure. The orgasm gap is real and huge. Doesn't exist in lesbian relationships, exists in opposite sex relationships.

to collect orgasms like Pokemon monsters, cards or whatever the fuck, however you collect those things. That's not what you're necessarily there for. Yes, men, particularly straight men, need to be encouraged to be solicitous of their partner's pleasure. The orgasm gap is real and huge. Doesn't exist in lesbian relationships, exists in opposite sex relationships.

And so, yeah, I want straight men to be solicitous. I want straight men to be making inquiries during sex about what they can do and whether you want to get off and how and asking for direction. But also if what she wants at that moment is for it not to be focused on her pleasure or her having to get off in that moment to make you feel good about yourself.

And so, yeah, I want straight men to be solicitous. I want straight men to be making inquiries during sex about what they can do and whether you want to get off and how and asking for direction. But also if what she wants at that moment is for it not to be focused on her pleasure or her having to get off in that moment to make you feel good about yourself.

But what she might want in that moment is to feel like you are – enjoying it and enjoying her and taking your pleasure which you are allowed to do which you are supposed to do which your sex partners if they're there for all the right reasons want you to do and then you can also walk and fucking chew gum perform for them if that's what they want but you got to listen to them about what they want