Dan Savage

You'd have a hard time expressing directly to Jill for fear of seeming insecure or petty or having to own that. Maybe you're the, at least in this instance, the less attractive friend. Friend groups, friendships can involve some feelings of competitiveness, pettiness, jealousy. And I think that's what's happened here. So you need to ask yourself, do you want to be right?

You'd have a hard time expressing directly to Jill for fear of seeming insecure or petty or having to own that. Maybe you're the, at least in this instance, the less attractive friend. Friend groups, friendships can involve some feelings of competitiveness, pettiness, jealousy. And I think that's what's happened here. So you need to ask yourself, do you want to be right?

Do you want to win this argument? Do you want to force Jill to admit that she overreacted because she's jealous? Or do you want to preserve and sustain this friendship? And I think it's the latter, right? There are, in all relationships, issues you will never resolve. Prices of admission, even in a friendship, that you will have to pay.

Do you want to win this argument? Do you want to force Jill to admit that she overreacted because she's jealous? Or do you want to preserve and sustain this friendship? And I think it's the latter, right? There are, in all relationships, issues you will never resolve. Prices of admission, even in a friendship, that you will have to pay.

Minds that you will know where they are planted and you will have to step around. And this is one of those times.

Minds that you will know where they are planted and you will have to step around. And this is one of those times.

the problem with letting somebody live their own life, keeping your mouth shut is there are lots of examples out there of people who ended their own lives because they didn't think anybody cared about them or they believed the bullshit that had been pounded into their heads by the faith community or the faith tradition in which they were raised. And that can have dire potential consequences.

the problem with letting somebody live their own life, keeping your mouth shut is there are lots of examples out there of people who ended their own lives because they didn't think anybody cared about them or they believed the bullshit that had been pounded into their heads by the faith community or the faith tradition in which they were raised. And that can have dire potential consequences.

There are lots of instances where people kind of knew somebody was closeted and miserable and didn't say anything because they didn't want to make that person feel self-conscious and that person was working so hard to hide this thing and would be embarrassed if they realized that they weren't that successful at hiding it and then wish they'd said something.

There are lots of instances where people kind of knew somebody was closeted and miserable and didn't say anything because they didn't want to make that person feel self-conscious and that person was working so hard to hide this thing and would be embarrassed if they realized that they weren't that successful at hiding it and then wish they'd said something.

erred on the side of saying something after this person killed themselves and just felt tremendous guilt in the wake of that suicide. That is perhaps a low probability event, but it is a high consequence event. Only you can judge based on what you know of your nephew and how close you are to your nephew, whether there would be some benefit or

erred on the side of saying something after this person killed themselves and just felt tremendous guilt in the wake of that suicide. That is perhaps a low probability event, but it is a high consequence event. Only you can judge based on what you know of your nephew and how close you are to your nephew, whether there would be some benefit or

In saying something either directly or alluding to it or just opening up a line of communication that creates an opportunity for him to tell you something, anything, what's your relationship like? You don't sound like a religious person. Maybe you don't have a very tight relationship with your nephew. You just see... Your gaydar pings when your nephew's in the room and you assume he's miserable.

In saying something either directly or alluding to it or just opening up a line of communication that creates an opportunity for him to tell you something, anything, what's your relationship like? You don't sound like a religious person. Maybe you don't have a very tight relationship with your nephew. You just see... Your gaydar pings when your nephew's in the room and you assume he's miserable.

And maybe he is, but maybe he's at peace with never coming the fuck out of the closet. I couldn't be at peace with that. Obviously I wasn't and I did come out of the closet, but some people never do. And it could make it worse, actually. You could not bring about the worst case scenario that, of course, I didn't. I went right to because I'm Irish Catholic.

And maybe he is, but maybe he's at peace with never coming the fuck out of the closet. I couldn't be at peace with that. Obviously I wasn't and I did come out of the closet, but some people never do. And it could make it worse, actually. You could not bring about the worst case scenario that, of course, I didn't. I went right to because I'm Irish Catholic.

But you could bring about kind of an emotional crisis or cause him a lot of emotional pain if you go to him directly and say, look, you're gay. If he's worked since age 10 to hide this and every time somebody he gets clocked by causes him tremendous pain, you could make –

But you could bring about kind of an emotional crisis or cause him a lot of emotional pain if you go to him directly and say, look, you're gay. If he's worked since age 10 to hide this and every time somebody he gets clocked by causes him tremendous pain, you could make –

where he is right now so much worse, but you could also make where he is so much better if he felt like he could open up to somebody finally. So you should try to induce that sense in him that he could open up to you about this by not directly addressing it. By telling him he can open up to you about anything.

where he is right now so much worse, but you could also make where he is so much better if he felt like he could open up to somebody finally. So you should try to induce that sense in him that he could open up to you about this by not directly addressing it. By telling him he can open up to you about anything.