Darren Waller

pleasing people, like looking to like show up externally and all these things.

Like the, the intention was to, if I take care of them or impress them or do good by them, then I will get something in return.

But all that had ever done is create a self-centeredness when the intentions weren't, were never really always, if I look back at my intentions, it was never to be like,

I'm just going to be worried about me and fuck everybody else.

But that's what the actions became essentially.

through the disease of addiction, deceived himself into not being able to see that he was self-centered.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I mean, I still, uh, experience, uh, loneliness, like, like just taking, like coming out here to Miami.

It's like, um, in those almost two years of being out of, uh, the game, um, my relationships have grown a lot richer, uh, with friends and community.

Um, uh, you know, even with women, just like friendships with women, like that, all of that change and just like investing in relationships and just seeing the impact that it had on me.

And it's like,

being connected to other people is like such an antidote to a lot of what I'm feeling within coming out to here to Miami.

It's like, damn, like I'm away from those people.

And it's like some of the old patterns come up when I'm like away.

It's like, I'm not,

at times as much as I would have liked to or to the depth that I would have liked to, but even staying, giving myself the grace to know that I'm trying to like change these patterns and staying connected has helped me tremendously during this season because, you know, just like any other season, any other life has been big highs and difficult lows.

So, but staying connected to people has always reminded me that, man, like this world is so much bigger

bigger and richer and my life is so much richer than that cold isolated place in my apartment I can find myself in just wallowing sometimes.