Dave Barry

You can move to the villages and get a really cool golf cart and drive around drunk.

You can move to the villages and get a really cool golf cart and drive around drunk.

Everybody here is 19 years old. That's right. They don't even know what newspapers are, Dave. Yeah, I used to have this thing that would happen to me when I was, like, there's fame and then there's newspaper fame, which is kind of like, you know, somewhere below the local TV weather guy, you know? Not everybody's reading the news. But I used to, I'll never forget, like I said, Nordstrom, I think.

Everybody here is 19 years old. That's right. They don't even know what newspapers are, Dave. Yeah, I used to have this thing that would happen to me when I was, like, there's fame and then there's newspaper fame, which is kind of like, you know, somewhere below the local TV weather guy, you know? Not everybody's reading the news. But I used to, I'll never forget, like I said, Nordstrom, I think.

I'm in Nordstrom trying to buy socks, I think. And the salesman just turns out to be a huge fan of my column. He's like, oh, God, you're Dave Barry. Like, oh, man. And this random woman is standing nearby. And he's like, do you know who this is? And she goes, no. And he goes, Dave Barry. And she goes, clearly knows. No, OK. And he goes, well, Dave, tell her. I'm really hilarious.

I'm in Nordstrom trying to buy socks, I think. And the salesman just turns out to be a huge fan of my column. He's like, oh, God, you're Dave Barry. Like, oh, man. And this random woman is standing nearby. And he's like, do you know who this is? And she goes, no. And he goes, Dave Barry. And she goes, clearly knows. No, OK. And he goes, well, Dave, tell her. I'm really hilarious.

Like, I can't think of anything funny right now. I'm trying to buy some socks. But anyway, that's kind of what it's like. No, no. But that is not the connection between you and the reader. I had a lot of I have wonderful relationship with my readers. I always did. I relied on my readers for a lot of source material.

Like, I can't think of anything funny right now. I'm trying to buy some socks. But anyway, that's kind of what it's like. No, no. But that is not the connection between you and the reader. I had a lot of I have wonderful relationship with my readers. I always did. I relied on my readers for a lot of source material.

They would send me, you know, if something would happen like, OK, Miami being Miami. I don't know if you remember this. But I got a call from a reader once saying, I'm on the PeopleMover. For those of you who don't live in Miami, PeopleMover is this train that moves around downtown Miami. It moves people. And he goes, I'm on the PeopleMover, and there's a shark on the PeopleMover. I go, what?

They would send me, you know, if something would happen like, OK, Miami being Miami. I don't know if you remember this. But I got a call from a reader once saying, I'm on the PeopleMover. For those of you who don't live in Miami, PeopleMover is this train that moves around downtown Miami. It moves people. And he goes, I'm on the PeopleMover, and there's a shark on the PeopleMover. I go, what?

He goes, yeah, and it's not dead, Dave.

He goes, yeah, and it's not dead, Dave.

So I'm on that story. I mean, I'm on that story right away. You're doing real journalism. That is what I'm born to do, man. That's my kind of journalism. And it turns out there was a shark on the... I don't know if you remember this.

So I'm on that story. I mean, I'm on that story right away. You're doing real journalism. That is what I'm born to do, man. That's my kind of journalism. And it turns out there was a shark on the... I don't know if you remember this.

What happened, just to understand. It didn't get on by itself, okay? Let's not give the shark that much credit. But these two homeless guys catch a shark in Biscayne Bay, like a nurse shark, like six feet long. And they decide this is a chance to make some money. They're going to sell it to a restaurant. Now, why they think a restaurant is going to want A shark, I don't know. A live shark.

What happened, just to understand. It didn't get on by itself, okay? Let's not give the shark that much credit. But these two homeless guys catch a shark in Biscayne Bay, like a nurse shark, like six feet long. And they decide this is a chance to make some money. They're going to sell it to a restaurant. Now, why they think a restaurant is going to want A shark, I don't know. A live shark.

A live shark. So they don't have a car. They're two homeless guys. But they get on the PeopleMover, which I think was free at the time. And it's not designed for marine life. That's why we call it the PeopleMover. That's correct. But it was rush hour. And there were people on there with this thing. And they go over to the river where there's a bunch of restaurants on the river.

A live shark. So they don't have a car. They're two homeless guys. But they get on the PeopleMover, which I think was free at the time. And it's not designed for marine life. That's why we call it the PeopleMover. That's correct. But it was rush hour. And there were people on there with this thing. And they go over to the river where there's a bunch of restaurants on the river.

And nobody wants to buy their shark. Predictably. Yeah. Like, who knew? So then they leave it on the streets of Miami. And then the Herald, it was the front page of the Herald the next day. Because people would come to work the next day, and there's a shark in downtown Miami. That's right. At that point, it was dead. They don't go that long. That's right. I mean, they're hardy animals, Dan.

And nobody wants to buy their shark. Predictably. Yeah. Like, who knew? So then they leave it on the streets of Miami. And then the Herald, it was the front page of the Herald the next day. Because people would come to work the next day, and there's a shark in downtown Miami. That's right. At that point, it was dead. They don't go that long. That's right. I mean, they're hardy animals, Dan.