David Sedaris

Tell him you're sorry about the tongue.

Then ask if he wants to purchase something to drink instead.

Surprisingly, on that occasion, she responded, I'm sorry, I cannot continue this conversation.

Goodbye.

She hung up again when I shared my idea for a new production of Romeo and Juliet.

In it, she will be 13 and he will be 78, I told her in French.

In the Shakespeare version, he kills himself with a poison drink, but in mine, he will die of natural causes.

Click.

A week before arriving at the beach, I told her about the protest I had passed in New Hampshire.

I am mad because my stupid, stupid president is a sausage, I'd said.

He cut the money for the radio and TV shows where women wear a bonnet.

Let's talk about something else, she suggested, clearly uncomfortable.

You seem to really enjoy messing with the bot.

And I'm sure you've read there are so many new reports coming out about people using these AI bots as a stand-in for therapy, which I know you only did once back in the late 80s.

I think it was in Chicago.

And I wondered, in the same way that you tried to get your therapist to like you, do you want to be liked by the AI?

It is pathetic how much I want Lily.

She's a very sarcastic teenage girl.

She's the one you have the conversations with.

You can't choose who you have them.