David Sedaris

I mean, there were two of them, so it made sense the room was a lot bigger.

So I drew up a contract and I bought their bedroom for $1.

And then my mother came down as I was moving their furniture into my teeny tiny bedroom.

And she ripped the contract off.

My sister Amy was saying a while ago, she said, I wish I had saved all the contracts you made me sign.

And I made them sign a contract swearing they'd never get married.

But I didn't want to lose them.

You know, like, I was just afraid.

Because I didn't have a word for what I was at that time.

But I just knew that there was something different about, you know, I wasn't like the other boys, you know.

And I just thought, well, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.

And I want my sisters to be with me.

I couldn't bear the thought of being alone without them.

So I got them to sign contracts, swearing they'd never get married.

But only Amy and Gretchen.

Like the other ones, I thought, well, okay.

I mean, I'll see them on holidays or whatever.

And neither Amy nor Gretchen got married.

So they have abided by the contract while you have ripped it up in front of them.

I didn't sign a contract to stay single.