Deborah Kat

You know, or kind of like and this is this is hard.

You know, this is often tricky to do on your own, and this is why, you know, having a coach or a therapist can be helpful.

You know, I mean, asking your partner, like, it's very hard to come to your partner and say, you know, I'm wondering, I've been thinking about it, and I'm thinking the reason that we're not having sex is because it's not pleasing to you.

What would make it more pleasing?

A,

That conversation is probably not going to go well, right?

Because the partner is going to be like, Oh, my God, what do you say?

What are you asking?

I'm doing something wrong, like all that stuff.

So so I'm not saying that these things are easy.

I am saying that there are so many different ways to play with it.

There's so many different ways to look at how do we make this different.

And one of the things that has been really helpful for many of my clients is to...

you know, expand their idea of sexuality.

And what I mean by that is, you know, we talked about the, the, you know, there's, there's attraction, there's foreplay, there's penetration, you know, that's not always how sex looks.

And one of the things that I see in my kind of, well, actually I see this across the board these days, is a lot of times bodies don't do what it looks like they do in porn.

Right?

And so, you know, for instance, the hard-on does not perform like the ones on porn.

You know, it just doesn't.

There is a whole team of people working to make sure that that hard-on is hard.