Deborah Kat

Like, what would that be like?

Yeah.

And, you know, I...

did a bunch of exploring and tried a bunch of things and you know at different times we it looked differently throughout the years i did at one time have uh you know he was my primary relationship and i did have a lover that i saw regularly but it was very much like you know

this is my primary and these other relationships are icing on the cake or they are supporting the primary relationship, which is the way that we did our non-monogamy.

And that's, you know, the thing about non-monogamy, I should say the thing about relationships in general, across the board, however you want to term them, they're always dependent on the people who are in the relationship and what works for them.

You know, I think there's, we get so much information about this is what it needs to look like.

Absolutely, absolutely.

And I think it's so unfortunate.

You know, one of the things that we grow up with is very rigid ideas about it.

And it feels like at this particular time in the world, we're getting even more of the like, this is what men do and this is what masculinity is.

Yeah, absolutely.

And not really embracing the full experience.

And I think, you know, that is one of the biggest killers of sex is when the sex that we're having doesn't fit what feels good to our bodies, what it doesn't fit what feels good to our relationships.

Right.

Mm hmm.

And trying to fit ourselves into this model of we see each other across the room, we get turned on, we go running towards each other, there's a little bit of kissing, there's a little bit of foreplay, there's penetration, there's climax, and if we do it right, both of us will be screaming at the same time, and then we'll take a nap.

And that is not that's not what I personally enjoy in sex.

And, you know, when I talk to my clients and actually suggest that there's more to it, like it's such a it's such a liberating and mind opening idea.

That the sex we should have should be, I mean, first of all, I try not to use shoulds, but anyway, the sex that we have feels good to us, feels good to our partners, and that we put attention there.