Dee Salmin

And every time it was like, disorganized, fearful, avoided.

When it was like experience extreme trauma, I was like, oh, my God.

No, but this is important.

Like it is important to then realize like I took a lot of that time and those quizzes and, you know, therapy to be like, okay.

what's happening how can I heal those parts of me and then that was a huge part of when I then came out of like boy sober being able to reset right like the rewiring of my brain I reset and when I started dating again um it was a completely different experience it was like with really beautiful healthy men yeah that were really feminist and respectful and I was like oh my god it

Wait.

Wait.

Exactly.

And I have a chapter in the book where I talk about, like, why do we date people who are bad for us?

And I talk about, you know, the lessons you learn in love from your earliest caregivers.

And I talk about, you know, trauma bonds and the way that your brain can get addicted to those high highs sometimes with a partner in the low lows.

Well, you look for what's familiar, right?

Exactly.

Exactly.

And so then when you are with someone secure or healthy,

You assume, like, first of all, that sometimes, and this has happened to me as well, like, oh, there's no spark, there's no butterflies, there's something missing, they're not the one for me.

And it's like, well, actually, those butterflies were anxiety because...

You had just, like, learnt to be attached to men who were avoidant.

And so the anxiety was, like, trying to get their love and affection.

And so, yeah, sometimes when you date someone who is just, like, a healthy human being or securely attached, you're like... What?