Devale Ellis

Yes.

I love y'all, too. Thank you so much. And congrats, baby. You sold out. Thank you. Watch that dinner, baby. Yes! Thank you guys so much. I love you guys. Thank you.

I love you ladies.

All right. We are to the end and my favorite part of the show. Are y'all ready for this? So I asked you all to write in to our positive outcomes listener letter so that you could come on stage with me. So please welcome Tahira Watson and Jamonna Turner. There you go. You guys are here. Thank you so much for coming. Seriously. And thank you for writing in. I love you guys for your support.

And I want to pour into you. So you have a question for me and I'll let you go first.

So you want advice on what you should do? All right, Tahira. I would say, and I've dealt with this, you know, even being where I am now, and I've always been the risk taker of the family, you know, and my family, I love them, but my parents played it very safe. They were always like, get an education, get a degree, and get a good job with a 401k. And start a family.

Excuse me. Oh. Excuse me. All right. See how the tables have turned.

So when I was in college, I knew by 25, I'd be married, having kids. And that was what was laid out for me. But I had so much more that I wanted to do. And often my parents did not understand that. And if I had have listened, because at that point you're an adult, so it's not like we're telling children to not obey and listen to their parents.

When you get to an age where you can make your decisions on your own, I feel like you should take a stance and do what's best for you and let your family know that you love them and that you're always going to be for them because you can't choose your family. You're stuck with them for life. But there comes a time where you have to really ask yourself, what do I want? What does Tahira want?

and go for that because you never want to look back on your life and be like, what would it have been like if I had stepped out on faith? I never want to live my life with regret. And I want to tell you guys a story. This was President Obama's first campaign. I did everything my parents told me to do. I got an education, I got the great job on Capitol Hill, got a great job, 401K, all the things.

And President Obama's, well, at that point he was Senator Obama, his assistant came and said, hey, we got some paid jobs for the campaign, do you want to come do it? Me being the risk taker, I'm ready to quit this job and go work for this black man. I'm like, hell yeah! Sign me up! My parents were like, no. Like, why would you do that? He's not gonna win.

In my mind, because we're coming from a small town, remember where I'm from, we don't see that. I think a lot of black people was like, ain't no way, if we're honest with ourselves. They're like, why are you gonna quit this job and go do this? For them, it was more about loyalty, making sure that you stay with the people that gave you a shot.

Senator Lamar Alexander from our state gave me a shot, but I really wanted to go work on that campaign. Two years later, we had President Obama. And my parents at that moment said, we will never tell you what not to do because you could be working in the White House right now.

So I say to you, Tahira, go for what you want, love your family, respect your family, but don't live your life with regrets, okay? All right, you're welcome. Is it Jemana or Jemana? Jemana. Jemana. What is your question for me?

Well, I am your big sister. And what I would tell you, I made the mistake of not doing what God told us to do. You know, and I'm finally coming to an understanding of why God puts certain principles in place. And that's to protect us. You know, you think about it.

When you're dating someone out of wedlock and you're having sex, and the first thing you think about is when they cheat on you is like, you could have brought me a disease bag. That's the first thing you think. Like, you put my life in jeopardy. But if you wasn't having sex, you wouldn't have to worry about that. Okay? You know what I'm saying?

But I think about like that, you think about that, getting pregnant before you're ready. You think about the different stipulations. And even when you think about relationships and you have sex, I don't know if you guys can attest to this, but I'm the only one in the room. But as soon as you give yourself away, things change. It's like the scales fall from your eyes.

He's taking his clothes off. What is going on? This ain't no strips. I could strip.

You're like, ooh, he ain't even as cute as I thought he was. You're like, ooh. You know, it's like all these things come up and it's like the whole honeymoon phase is over. But if we do things the way God intended, I feel like there is something beautiful on the other side of that. So I would tell you to stand firm on what you believe. Listen, the right man will come along.

I know when I read the letter, you said that even Christian men, quote unquote Christian men, they be the, honey, them ones in the church be something else, honey. Listen, they have something else. So you have to stand firm on that. And the Bible also says, instead of doing those things, it's also okay to be

single that's the honestly it says that so a lot of times you have to wait until the right man finds you and you're 31 you're not in a rush you still have your whole life ahead of you I would focus on your career your passions and things that make you happy and save yourself for the right one because I'm telling you if you don't you're gonna be picking yourself up off the floor crying heartbroken and it's just not worth it y'all it's really not so that's what I would say you to do

I appreciate y'all. We belong together. And you know that I'm right. Am I singing the right song? Although we come to the end.

Before we get out of here, I want to give some thank yous. And first and foremost, let's give a big shout out to God for getting us all here safely because y'all came from everywhere. I want to give a shout out to my sweeties and my Kip family. Now I want y'all to yell real loud for our sponsor, BET. Y'all better tune in every week to Sisters. And now Zatima is on Linear.

So y'all make sure y'all check us out on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Give it up for my girls Pretty V, B. Simone, Jazzy, Shamia. My favorite new R&B artist. Did y'all enjoy Lee Vasi? Oh, she's so good. Christian R&B. She's amazing. Da Vinci, DeVal, who just took over the show. And y'all know we cannot end this... without a prayer. So I'm gonna bring out one of my favorite men of God.

He hates when I call him this. Pastor Todd Galbraith.

All right.

Thank you.

You want to sing that? Sing, sing, sing.

Amen. Pastor Todd. Y'all give it up for Pastor Todd. Thank you. Thank you so much. Guys, I love you guys so much. I appreciate you all the way to the balcony. I see you guys, and I thank you so much. Oh, I was like, is that a fire alarm? Y'all saw my face. No, I really do. I love you guys, and I thank you, and I pray that you make it home safely. Y'all know what to do.

In the meantime, in between time. Keep it positive. DJ Mars, take us away.

I don't know if y'all ready. All right. Now, listen. I'm so excited about this next segment. You know, that's what I do for y'all. That's what I show out for y'all. I'm gonna do my big one for y'all every time now. So we are bringing the cast of your favorite series. And mine. To the C.E.A.P. stage, you know them and you love them and if you like me, you done yelled at them.

He ain't about to listen. He's not about to read none of them cards.

We love y'all. We do.

Yes.

That's my dog, y'all.

First, give an honor to God. Nothing without him is possible. I'm blown away. And I had to thank you, Dee, because you set the foundation for the podcasting for me. I saw you doing it. I saw you and Kadeem killing it. And I remember when I first booked Sisters and you and I became a love interest on the show. Yeah.

And once you got to know me, you were like, yo, like you need to start speaking more on your Instagram. Like nobody really knows who you are and you're really dope. And I was like, I am. You're welcome. You're welcome. And I remember you pushing me to put myself more out there.

And I was trying to find that balance because we've had so many conversations about social media and me taking the comments to heart and. my feelings being hurt, you know, and wanting to know how much can I open up to people. I love y'all too. But, um, thank you. Thank you for that.

But to see where I am now and to have all these amazing people, and this is just a fraction of the people that really ride for all of us, you know, so it was so special for me and important for me to make sure that I shared this moment with you guys as well. And I just, I'm, I know you're going to cry. I see it. I see it. They're getting glistening. They're getting glistening.

I'm not going to cry. But to be like from a small town where people get stuck. Because that's all they know. And for God to have put this vision inside me at a very young age for me to see that there's more to this world than Martin, Tennessee. And where I'm from is a beautiful town. But there's so much more. So I'm just grateful, man. We love you, Chris.

And Zynga. Zynga Lane.

All right, now. Calm down. Yo mama is here. Listen, and you too.

Yes. That was the conversation, literally.

They are the topic of your relationships and your group chats. I'm talking about none other than my girls and Zynga. Zynga!

All right, now. Now, y'all done know I done went to Fashion Week.

We'll arrive. Hey. Gotta be smart about it. Sing it, Zynga. Sing, girl. You got this ponytail.

Yes. And I want to say this, Danielle. Working alongside you, you are so incredible. Yeah, you dope. Yeah, so talented, and I'm so proud of you. Thank you.

I think it's important for men and women to understand that men don't only think about themselves when it comes to sex. Yeah. I get her right to where she edges, then I beat that thing up. And then when I'm beating that thing up, getting what I want, and I know that I'm about to, that's when I stop.

Yes.

Understood. Understandable.

Well, I've been dragged a couple of times.

Well, the first thing is I never regretted saying what I was saying. I got dragged because people have a difference of opinion.

First thing I will say that I've learned as an athlete is that people are not, like, you are not entitled to having everyone's admiration or agreement. You say something, people have the right to disagree with you if they do. You can't take that as hate. You can't take that as negativity. It just is what it is. Because I think about it, there's a lot of people that I don't agree with.

So I'm like, you know what? When I put something out, I put it out there as art, and I say, regardless of what people say, this is my truth. The problem with most people is they don't speak their truth. What they do is they say something thinking that everyone's going to agree, even if it ain't their truth.

And then when people don't agree, they get mad.

When you speak your truth, you can't get mad if people don't agree.

That's my truth. Whether you agree with it or not, it's still my truth.

And I'm unapologetic about that.

Yes, I stood on business. Listen, the podcast, I got dragged for the most. They tried to cancel your boy. We were talking about monogamy.

And I was speaking about how I felt as a man that it is unfair for a woman to say, hey, I want you to be monogamous with me, but only monogamous with me when I want you to be monogamous with me. If you want to have sex and I'm not ready, then... And I was like, that's kind of unfair.

If this is supposed to be a partnership, when I want to have sex or when you want to have sex, let's at least have a discussion about it. It can't just always be when you want it.

And some women dragged me and was just like, it's my body. You can't tell me when. And I said, you know what? If that's how you feel, if what I said made you feel that way, then that's how it made you feel. I'm not going to argue you down. Your perspective dictates the fact that that made you triggered in a way.

Let's do that.

I agree with you. I agree with you a thousand percent. But what we all have to understand as humans is that social media isn't a place where everyone has a prerequisite of being healed before they participate.

So when you hear people's responses to your opinions, typically it's because they're going through something where your opinion triggers something that they're going through. And if it made them feel a way and they want to spit fire at you, they have the right to do so.

Yeah.

Sometimes people be mean. Sometimes people be haters.

But let me ask you a question. That says more about them than you, right?

So why do you let that affect you?

So the funny thing is, first and foremost, I love y'all.

But the thing is, there's nothing wrong with being Rihanna or Beyonce. It's just whatever allows you to have peace in your day. You know what I'm saying? If peace means today I'm about to clap back on this motherfucker, then today is a clap back day. You know what I'm saying?

Like, I'm excited, if you can't tell. I've been smiling since I walked in here. Period. I was introduced to y'all last year when y'all introduced Crystal.

If peace for me means that I'm going to ignore it and I want to be Beyonce for the day, then that's going to be my peace for the day. And the truth of the matter is, can't nobody tell you how you're supposed to respond to what people make you feel? That is true. That's one thing I've learned about social media or people in general.

If I said something that made someone respond in a certain way, whether it was hate or whether it was this, I'm like, that person going through it. Oh, well. If I felt like clapping back on somebody that day, I was going through it. Oh, well.

I don't.

I used to. Okay. But I never clapped back in a way where I wanted to make someone feel small.

Lex, just listen to me. Because I'm out there.

So ever since then, I just...

Big back, bro. The thing is, I get it, though. Because I feel, sometimes I do feel like, how dare you judge me and say things to me and not look at your life first. But I want you to consider this. Consider this. 99% of the world's wealth is controlled by 1% of the population.

Which means 95% of the population is not comfortable with where they are in their place in life. Which means they're working in a job they don't like. They have a husband or a wife they don't like. There's something going on every single day. And the only thing they have control over... is that social media. I can put a comment on here and I can fuck with Lex today.

Congrats to y'all.

And you know what I'm going to do today? I'm going to talk to Lex today because if she responds to me, that's the only control I have. And when you give people that control, now they winning. And now you've lost it because now all people talk about is how you responded to the person that nobody knows. They know Lex though. You know what I'm saying?

Come on, man. I knew because I knew y'all be on the fashion. You know what I'm saying? So let me make sure I show out a little bit.

You see what I'm saying, Dre?

Because he wanted your attention.

And you got to understand, too, that a lot of people know. Like, they know that I can't get this person's attention unless I say something to trigger them.

And then the minute they get your attention, then all the love comes out. That's why I don't respond with people with vitriol all the time. Because a lot of these people really don't have the tools to articulate eloquently how they feel.

I told you I went to school. I graduated, you know what I'm saying?

Girl, shut the fuck up.

Get you some vitriol, baby. Vitriol change your life. Vitriol change your life now.

It change your life.

But no, football to me was a means to an end. People don't understand this. As a young black man growing up in Brooklyn, I always wanted to be in the arts. The first movie I ever saw in my life was Boys in the Hood. Okay. It was 1989. My father bootlegged it. My best group, I'm telling you business. He bootlegged it, but then he showed it in the living room.

We went to the same elementary school.

Same elementary school.

She tells the story that she recognized me when I was in first grade. She was in second grade. I didn't, you know. Not people on the older ones. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes Zach got to do that. You know what I'm saying? Even when Zach's six.

But our girls still had cooties during that time. So I wasn't paying attention.

But long story short, because this is a long story. We have a brother the same age and we have a sister the same age. So we both are a family of three.

We have brothers who are the same age, sisters the same age. And I used to go back when we were in middle school to pick up my brother and sister, and she used to see me. We ended up going to rival high schools. She was a cheerleader. I was a football player. And then my senior year, I was being awarded by the elementary school that we both went to.

And that was the time that she could finally see me and say, hey, Deval, I'm interested. Now she was choosing.

Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something about my wife, okay? Okay. And I'll say this. All of the stuff that they say you're not supposed to do on social media to get a man, she did every single one of them.

She walked up to me.

And that's what I'm saying. She did every single... She walked up to me. It was me and my brother. She said, Brian and Deval Ellis. And I was just like... I was looking at her and I was like, damn, she's fucking fine. But I got to be cool. I was like, what's up?

Then I put a back on her back and I say, baby, hold this one more time. And then I just...

The whole night, we were sitting there chopping it up. And then at the end of the night, I was trying to do what my pops told me to do, my uncle. They're like, yo, you don't be too thirsty. You know what I'm saying? Let her walk away a little bit then. Like, they told me, as she about to walk away, that's when you grab her arm and you just be like, excuse me.

You see what I'm saying? I had all this in my mind.

My whole life's a rom-com. You can't tell me I'm not in a rom-com right now. It's called Ditch.

Because I be ditching these hoes, and I found my wife. Period. But before I could, you know, grab her arm, she grabbed my thing and said, yo, since you ain't going to ask me for my number, I'm going to just give it to you.

Which they say online, women are not supposed to do that. You're supposed to be demure. You're supposed to be mindful. My wife was not about that. She was like, take my number down. I took the number down. I called her the whole summer. She did not answer. She's a pageant girl. She was on the road. I'm thinking she's trying to play me. So I'm like, man, fuck this. I ain't chasing after you, man.

I got an 89 Maxima. I got black rims on that joint with two subwoofers. I'm vibing right now. I'm him. I'm him. You know what I'm saying? I had two 12s. I had two 12s. But thank you, Dre. You're going to miss your blessing. And I was like, off her. And then she called me. And I was like... She said, hello, hello. Hello. And then she was just like, hey, handsome.

And I immediately went back to the way my dad told me to be. I was just like, what's up? Stop laughing. You see you laughing. This is the problem. You're not trying to listen.

He had a group, a men's group called the Junior Laymen. And there was a bunch of young black men watching Boys in the Hood. I was five. I walked in there. My pop's like, you want to watch? She sat me right here. And I watched all of these young men be captivated by what they saw on TV. And I said, I want to do that. But this is Brooklyn in the 90s. Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry. So I was like, what's up? And then when I said, what's up, we started vibing. She came and visited me the next day, and it was all on history. History. The thing that impressed me, though, she asked me, Our first date, we in my dorm room. I was ready to smash. I'm 18. I ain't going to lie. I'm 18. You see my wife, you know what I'm saying? Long hair, slim. She got a little fatty on her.

I was like, give me some of that. You know what I'm saying? I'm a D1 athlete. I'm not thinking about no wives or nothing.

So she's eating a hero. And I'm like, she's like, so. She's eating a hero. She's like, so what's your plans in life? I was like, okay, well, I want to be an actor. I want to do that. She was like, what? And Martin was on TV. I was like, I want to have my own sitcom. She didn't miss a beat. She said, okay, so how are we going to do that? Man, when I tell you, Dre, bro, I love you.

I was like, oh, she want to know my drinks.

She was about to turn 19 in December.

You see what I'm saying?

Come on.

And the internet be telling you, don't be going out there and trying to be wifey off the first date because she was wifey off the first date. You got to be intentional.

I agree. I will say this, though, Lex. I have a question. Now, I'm going to have a question. So many women talk about these bad men. Why do women choose bad men? You want me to give you the option? I really do want to know.

And they be smacking y'all in the forehead like blackout red flagging.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I understand what you're saying. Yeah. My boys, I got boys who are single, and they always talking about, bitches ain't this. And I'll be like, nigga, you be choosing the wrong woman every time. Yeah. Like, we'll see the woman that he brings. And I can tell in two minutes, not going to work.

But here we are, two months in, and you be like, but D. But D, I'm like, bro, you keep choosing the same woman over and over and over again. Then your response to that is, all these bitches. No, you keep. choosing the same one. So that's why I'm asking you because I want to know a woman's perspective.

How many young black men you know walk around saying they're an artist? Homophobia was rampant in Brooklyn in the 90s. So it was like, yo, what am I going to do to show people I'm tough? You know what I'm saying? So I played sports.

I feel you.

So can I just give you guys some insights?

Based on what you said, you said in your 20s you was having fun.

Okay, fair. So we're in agreement, right? Mm-hmm. You know why men in their 20s can't bamboozle women? Because we don't got no fucking money.

So you know what happens? We spend all of our 20s getting bamboozled. Okay. And I'm not pointing you out, Lex, but a beautiful woman like you, who we may have thought like that could be my wife, and you bamboozled us in our 20s. Now a nigga got money now.

I played sports. I danced. I did the bruck up. I don't know if y'all know about that.

It's time to do the bamboozling. And what happens is, is when a woman is now in her position, late 20s, early 30s, she's like, I'm ready to be someone's wife.

Well, now you finna get bamboozled. And I'm just being honest. And I'm not saying it's okay.

But what I'm saying is that you had your time to bamboozle. A man can't bamboozle until he got the resources to do some bamboozling. Show me a black man in their early 20s who don't come from a prominent family who got resources to bamboozle.

So, you know, so then finally when they make some money, I'm finally a VP of my job. I'm 30.

Wait a minute. I can do all the things that I watched that woman do with that other guy that I liked. So now I'm going to do that to these women, and I feel like women get upset when a man does it. But then they'll openly say, like you just said, in your 20s, I was bamboozling these.

The bruck up is a Caribbean dance.

You seen the shoulder move? You seen the shoulder move? So... The broke-up is a dance, all right? What do you mean? Yeah, see, you're laughing because you don't know what the broke-up was.

I ain't gonna lie. I'm not man.

I didn't do that. I'm sorry.

If he hasn't healed... then don't. Because the truth is, man, you're not wrong for wanting to party in your 20s. And here's the truth. Can we at least be honest for once with people? If a woman wants to party in her 20s, let her party. If a man wants to party in his 30s when he first got his money, let him party.

Let's stop shaming people who have worked their life for what they want, who are enjoying their life. And then when that person is ready to settle down, they're going to meet the right person for them. I think the problem is most people want to put a wide net around our entire species. All men act like this because the men that I dated act like that. No, that's just the men you choose.

All bitches ain't shit. No, that's just the women you choose, my G. If we start to realize that, we'll, you know what I'm saying? We'll be like, we'll give each other a little bit more grace.

Yeah, I get it.

I'm not. I've been doing this since I was a kid.

I mean, I don't blame women for not wanting to be married in their 20s, bro. Like, we live in a capitalist society where misogyny rules.

If you are a beautiful woman and you're getting attention from a bunch of dudes, enjoy yourself.

Like, enjoy yourself. Now, of course, everyone is going to say, well, you need to settle down and not be promiscuous and stuff. But let's be honest. Monogamy, much like veganism or Christianity, is a choice. Someone has to choose to want to be that. And someone has to want to be that in order to enjoy that aspect of life.

I used to dance. I used to be out in the streets trying to entertain people.

I think it's a disservice to people when we try to cast a wide net over everybody. Like, everybody got to be monogamous. Everybody got to be Christian. Everybody... Like, we got to stop doing that. Because we're all different people.

But I knew I had to make money. So I was like, how am I going to make money? And I was like, sports.

But what you just said makes all the sense in the world, though. Think about it. I know who I am.

I'm not going to define my existence on this planet based on what all the other women in the world are doing.

That's not even your plight to carry. You know what I'm saying? For me, it's like, whoa, okay, Lex wants to get married now. I'm in my 30s. I'm going to be deliberate about finding the right person now. Listening to the statistics and all of that shit don't really even matter.

Because none of that... will ever fit to every man or woman in the world. I say that because monogamy works for me.

But then when men ask me, like, yo, dude, man, how you do this, how you do that? The first thing I ask them, do you want to be monogamous? Or do you think that being monogamous is the only way that you can be considered high-functioning? And they're just like... When I'm listening to these podcasts and they say monogamous men are high functioning.

And I said, bro, stop just listening to people and ask yourself what you really want out of life. You know what I'm saying? Like, we got to stop shaming people for not following the lifestyle we follow.

No, I'm Caribbean by relation.

Monogamy works for me because DeVal knows that, you know what? I love women. Like, a lot. I do truly love women.

First thing I do, I look at you and I'm like, she's gorgeous. But I also know that if I'm not disciplined enough to control my urges and I'm attacking it, running after every woman, I don't have the ability to focus on the things that's going to help me provide for myself and my family. So monogamy works for me.

There are some men who can balance both and can chase skirts and chase money and make it. I would never tell that brother, you got to be monogamy or you're not high functioning. Man, get the fuck out of here. For example, like a 50 Cent or Floyd Mayweather. Both them brothers is doing way better than I am.

Not by birth. Come on, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what it is. My wife's Jamaican and Vincentian. So I adopted that culture. But I've always been big in Caribbean culture coming from Brooklyn. Yeah. Okay. I just knew that I had to find my way out of New York. I never wanted to spend my whole life in Brooklyn. Sports came easy to me because I was fast.

How I look telling them, well, you better be monogamous or you ain't going to make it in life. It's the same thing for women. We should never tell women, well, you better get married or you ain't going to make it in life. Oprah ain't never been married. She's one of the richest people in America.

I love it, Ty.

Thank you so much.

I was athletic. So I said, I'm going to play sports. I was going to play basketball. I was like, I'm going to be about 6'5". And then when you go to the doctor, right, you know the doctor tell you, oh, I'm looking at your palm. Your growth plays. You're about 6'5", buddy. Fucking lies.

Yes, it's that simple. That's why I think that the whole 50-50 argument is annoying. The whole who's going to be submissive to who is annoying and pointless because I know what I'm looking for in life. Every woman in the world is not looking for the same thing I'm looking for. Right.

So what I do is those women who are not looking for what I'm looking for, I applaud them for looking for whatever they're looking for. I don't shame them. For example, they're like, I need a submissive wife who won't follow me. Okay, so... That's what you're looking for.

What if you have a woman here who is a 7, 8, 9-figure earner? You telling me I'm supposed to tell that woman she's supposed to submit to me. Right. And she can make more money. No, that woman's journey is different in life. Let her find someone. But it's also the same thing for a man, right? Women will say all the time, I want somebody 6'2", abs, make a lot of money, can fuck all night.

What if that nigga just wanted to be a homebody and take care of his kids? Mm-hmm. There's a woman for him. It may not be for you, but why shame him?

You see what I'm saying? Why try to mold him?

So here's the thing. I, and I've been called misogynistic because of this. Really? I believe it is the man's job to work. I believe it too. Well, I was called misogynistic because some women, and I had to agree with this segment. Some women are not made to have children.

Some women don't want to have children.

But you can't define their womanhood by saying if you don't have children for a man, you're not more of a woman. And I had to mature enough as a man to understand that, you know what, that's a valid fucking point. So for me, I personally feel for deval. I want to be able to support my wife. I want to be able to make all the money. And if she wants to make money, she can.

But if she don't, and she wants to be a homemaker, she could do that too. I was called misogynistic by some women who feel like I'm controlling my wife. But you know what I learned in that? I'm not for that woman.

A lot of people feel they got all the answers. You know when you realize you don't got all the answers? That's when you start to advance in life.

When you evolve. When you realize, you know what? I haven't arrived. The minute you think you arrived, that's when you really lost.

I stopped growing, and I said, you know what? I think football is it. Yeah. I'm not tall enough to play basketball. Went and got my degree and said, I'm going to focus on TV afterwards. Okay. It was that simple. Football was a means to an end. I enjoyed it. The NFL was great to me. I made a lot of money that I wouldn't have been able to make.

Yeah. The first thing I will say is that I wouldn't be the person I am if it wasn't for my wife and my partner.

When I was 18, 19 years old and I told Kadeen that I wanted to be an actor and I was going to use the NFL, She made my breakfasts. She did the stretches. When I separated my shoulder and I had to sleep sitting up.

She was sitting up.

That's what it was? It was the shoulder. Lex, I ain't fucking with you, man. I hurt my shoulder playing football, okay?

I got stats to prove it.

I'm going to fight Lex before I leave here. I'm going to fight Lex. All my Brooklynites, y'all know what the Brooklyn is, the brooker is. Y'all know what I'm talking about.

She was all of those things. She was there when I was training for the NFL. She was there. She helped me create. Okay, I'm a visual learner, right? You get playbooks. The playbooks sound like this, just so you know. Hop to trips right motion, scat right, 525, F-post swing, ready, break. Every word, every word has a meaning.

My wife made flashcards with every word in those things, and it had a definition. And that's how I practiced learning the plays.

You know what they say? She wasn't with me shooting in the gym.

She was with me shooting in the gym.

But that's why I praise and honor my wife so much because she literally was. And sometimes people say like, man, why are you doing all of that? Like your wife? I say, yeah, maybe your wife didn't do it, but my wife did. But the first thing I'll say is I am who I am because I have a support system.

Not only my wife, my parents, her parents, the mentors in my life who poured into me, they all made the vow possible. So it wasn't just my wife. It wasn't just me. It wasn't just God. It was a combination of everything. But I will say this about statistics. First and foremost, statistics are skewed. Right? Because I will say this. Nobody never asks me a fucking question.

But it was just a plan to get me to TV film.

Where are these statistics coming from? I've been married for 14 years and no one ever asked me.

You see what I'm saying? We've asked 100 white people. That's the first thing. You know it's 100 white people.

You see what I'm saying? So first thing we got to do is throw out Those things. Because they typically don't ask black people. A lot of the things they ask in these statistics and stuff like that aren't about us. So we can just dismiss that.

The second thing I would say is if we're going to rate success based on Western views, which means what white people say is considered successful, yeah, we're all going to fall short. Because these views have never been made for us. Right. Remember, we were considered three-fifths of a human being in this country. Since 17, when this country, 1774, we weren't considered human. Low-key.

So since we weren't considered humans, why would we ever listen to their rhetoric about how we're supposed to behave? That's why I say find out what works for you.

Listen, I'm not 100% always in agreement with everything Dr. Umar says.

When he talks about the black family, he be cooking. He be cooking when he talk about the black family. If you look at the history of this country, like nothing they talk about when they talk about family relationships is ever with us. But then we will look at those things and say, well, percentages say...

So, the national average for black men who are married, what are they married to?

Black women. At what percentage? Over 85%. Do that. Here's another one. Here's another one. But it don't matter, though, because once they make money, that's when they go get white women.

The national average for making over $200,000, black men, right? Mm-hmm. How many of those men are married to black women?

Oh. 95? This is why... I believe it.

Listen, because they'll show you. They'll show you the one black athlete who may be married to a white woman, right? But then think about Russell Westbrook, Russell Wilson, LeBron James, Steph Curry. I can keep going and going. Willie Colon, uh... Who else? I'm talking about my friends now that I know.

Stephen Bowen, Marcus Colston, Kyle Aronson, all married, all wealthy, made money, all married to black women.

You see what I'm saying?

Lex, Lex.

Lex has a good point, though, because they'll show the Scottie Pippen, right? And they'll say, look, this is how black men behave.

It's not easy. And the funny thing is I thought I was going to go into broadcasting first too. I got my degree in broadcast journalism. Yeah. Us too. You see, but that's why I knew that y'all was good.

But that's not the fact. I'm married to a black woman. My woman is black. She's Jamaican and Vincentian. Her mom is black as a motherfucker. Her grandmother black as a motherfucker. But they'll never push that out there because they don't fall in line with the narrative they want.

You got to understand that destroying the black family has been on the forefront of the mind of the people who created this country, right? We weren't allowed to get married first, right? And even when we got married, there was a lot of times they took our women and raped our women and we had to watch because they do not want us to get together.

Because if you have the black family and we continue to work together, what's going to happen to the wealth that happens in this country? It's going to go to who?

Our kids. Yeah. How do you destroy the black wealth in this country? Destroy the black family. Make black women think that black men don't love them. Make black men think that black women don't respect them. That's all a fallacy. It's not true. The older I get, I'm 40 years old now. The more I realize that everything I've learned from mass media has been programmed by people who have an agenda.

And I'm not a conspiracy theorist.

You can't. Purposefully. The minute you have a man in the house, they will take away your assistance. So you know what people started to do in the 70s? I know this because I have family who've been through this. Dad may be in the home. Common law marriage because men were just like, if I marry you, you can't get the assistance.

I also won't be there when the person who comes and checks on the house and the kids. So when they come by, they say, oh, there's a woman here by herself. The dad will be in the closet. The dad will be somewhere else. I have family members who I watch go through this. And they're like, you know the government coming by.

But the reason why they do that is to be able to get what they need from the government. And I hate to say this, but I'm going to say this. Matter of fact, I'm not going to say it because I'm not even going to give her name. But there is a talking head who always speaks about the black family and the black community.

And because we have painted her as a villain, we won't listen to what her messages are. I don't agree with all of her messages. That's why I won't accept her. I won't say her name because I won't even give her. I think you do. I won't give her any press on your platform because I don't think it's fair because of what you do. So I won't do that.

But that's why y'all good at what y'all doing.

But when you listen to some of the things she says, she's absolutely true. The black people in this country are the best when we are together. Look at Black Wall Street.

Right? The minute we start to work together, they tear it down.

Right? And they tear it down. They tear us apart. And they tell us all the time, mass incarceration was the same thing. How can we get black fathers out of the house? Let's put them in prison. Right? Let's look at the voting cycle, right? Only 4% of black men in this country voted this year. Are you serious? Not 4% of black men. 4% of the voting population were black men.

And the first thing they'll say is, Mind you, we're only 15% of the population. The first thing they say is black men don't vote. But what they won't say is that 80% of the prison population is black men. And if they can't vote, it brings down the numbers. But rather than say that, you know what they'll say? Black men don't vote and they won't vote for Kamala. You see what I'm saying?

It's like they just do things in order to tear us apart. And we have to do a good job, a better job of staying together.

The funny thing is, no one expected to see y'all coming like this. Dressed the way y'all dress, looking the way y'all look. Y'all not supposed to be able to do what y'all do. Yeah. I agree. So the fact that y'all are doing this, please give yourselves a round of applause. Thank you. And shout out that y'all had degrees because people think that having degrees is pointless. They do. I don't.

Because this country was never made for us. Think about it. This Constitution and everything was made for white men.

I think 79% of black men. 78% of black men voted for Kamala.

What you said to him?

What you said? You said black men ain't voting for him?

He's going to pull out the numbers.

No, but I mean, this is really important for us as a community of people to stop pointing the finger at each other. And let me sit down with some queens. I'm not going to lie to y'all. Right? I'm not going to lie to y'all. The first minute my team sent to me, yo, you're going to go to the poor mines.

You know why? I want to sit down with black women and discuss about relationships. I told you, I've been watching. I've seen this. I want to discuss it so that it doesn't have to be combative.

Can I be honest?

I never thought that y'all were male bashers.

But I did think that based on what you've lived through in your life, you told your truth. And the truth is, a lot of people don't want to hear your truth if it doesn't fit what they want it to be. So I can understand why you got that label. Not saying that it was fair, but I mean, I get the same label too. If I tell my truth about life,

Whoever is on the opposite side of that truth is going to feel like I'm bashing them. You know, and I got to receive, yeah, I'm misogynistic.

Are they? Are they? I'm going to challenge you on this. We talk about black Twitter.

Or Spanish Twitter.

Don't even bring up grits. Because if you talk about grits on black Twitter, whether it's sugar or salt, it's a problem. But what I will say, this is, you don't know the beefs that go on in the other Twitters because we don't be on it. White people be beefing. Bro, I've seen white people and white men and white women going at it over Taylor Swift.

Because white women been saying Taylor Swift is their savior. She's their Beyonce, right? So white women is up here. I'm independent. And I seen white men going at them. There was a post on white Twitter today. It's funny I'm calling it white Twitter.

That Fox News posted that Taylor Swift is a hypocrite because she always talks about climate change. But she flew a private jet to get to the game, and a private jet has more emissions than any vehicle.

So I'm watching these white people go back and forth, and I'll say, you know what's funny? If this was a black news site and this was Beyonce, we would be saying that black people are our own worst enemy. White people do the same thing to their stars too and their people. We got to stop giving them a pass like they don't.

You saw something through completion. Yeah. And as a businessman, that's important. All the people I go into business with, I go into business with people who I've seen do things through completion.

Because that means you had to do something you didn't want to do in order to see it all the way through. And that's life. So, you know, I started out broadcasting. I worked for MSG Varsity doing games.

You have a good point. And this is what I will have to say. We as a black community expect everybody to just understand our plight and care about our plight.

But if the plight don't address you, why would you care? Why would a white, why would a Karen care about a Drake and a Lexi?

You see what I'm saying?

And if we being fair about not representing, 78% of black men voted for Kamala. 99, no, 91% of black women voted for Kamala. not that many white people voted for Trump. Like, it wasn't in the 90s and the 70s.

There were less white people who voted for Trump, which means there were less white people who were in agreement with his policies and his politics, which means white people don't always rock with white people. The bottom line is that black people are only 15% of the population. If we were 50% of the population, then Kamala would be the president. But the truth is, is that...

We're still the minority. And we would need our Latino and Latina sisters and brothers and our Asian sisters and brothers. Yes. I mean, a lot of those groups failed us. But that brings me back to my point. We should not ever be worried about any of those groups. This is the building we got in here.

And I hated it.

It's never been that.

Yes.

Because they wanted me to say what they wanted me to say.

I mean, it's always been a divide. Do you know why they mad? Do you know why they mad? It's easier to be accepted. when you are in alignment with European values. It's that simple. Like, we can't sit here and make it seem like that ain't what it is. The reason why Puerto Ricans and Dominicans beef is because Puerto Ricans say, well, we're Americans. You're not American.

But then when you look at Puerto Rican culture, they tend to assimilate to European ideals. Whereas Dominicans, like you say, look like Haitians. They share the same island.

You see, they just speak Spanish, but they was like, I'm not black. I'm Dominican. If you understand... I know black. Oh, God.

So here's the funny thing, right? You look at me. I'm from New York. You look at me, right? There's a bunch of Dominicans.

I walk into a bodega. I'm like, yo, papi, let me get a bacon, egg, and cheese. They're like, oh, you're Dominican. They start speaking Spanish. I'm like, no, I'm not Dominican. I'm black. And I'm like, we could be brothers. They literally say to me, I'm not black. I'm Dominican.

Because they said you can't say this.

And they'll be darker than me. Nigga, please. Nigga, please. I just, if there's one thing I want y'all to think about. don't shame people for their ideals. Try to understand where they're coming from. And even as ignorant as it is, like, for example, a Dominican saying I'm not black.

As ignorant as it is, you got to understand, like, you know what, that person's trying to survive and exist in this world.

And if they got something negative to say to me because I said they're Dominican, that's where they are in that moment. I'm not going to waste no energy going back at something. You know what I'm saying?

Yes, that's how you learn to, like, love people and not be so upset when they disagree with you. You're like, okay, you disagree with me because you're going through something. You know, it's da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, okay? You will never understand because you know what? You may be right. I may never understand. But what I did was I put out some content and it made you feel a way.

So now you got to deal with how you feel.

You know what I'm saying? Like that's how I address everything. I had two years ago is when the slap happened. And I had people in the industry ask me, what's your thoughts about the slap?

And this has always been my answer. I said, well, I'll tell you like this. If you're a father and a dad and you've been in the public eye and your kids have been scrutinized and been called names and your wife has been picked on and stuff, you know who you side with? You side with Will.

If you're a comedian and you're just trying to do your art and you're trying to go out here and entertain people and you just got slapped on stage, you know who you side with? Chris Rock. If you're a content creator... And you, you know, you out here trying to make the best images possible and you're upset that Will Smith and Chris Rock destroyed the Oscars.

You side with Will Packer because Will Packer is the one who produced the Oscars. The first black producer in the Oscars happened in 2022. And this is what we got to deal with. If you're a woman and you feel like you've never been protected and finally someone stood up and slapped the shit out of somebody, you siding with Jada.

And when I say that, people will be like, I never thought about it like that. That's how we got to think about life, yo. Think about what you're going through in a moment. You're going to side with not who's right. You're going to side with who you relate to. You know what I'm saying? There's no black and white right or wrong. There's so many shades of gray.

And you got to start asking yourself, if I felt like this, what am I going through that made me relate to that? And then start thinking like that. Because that's what I did. The minute it happened, the first thing I said was, good for that motherfucker. He got slapped. Because I'm tired of them. And then I had to think about it. I was like, shit.

It was unnecessary. It was the wrong time. It wasn't his first time saying something to Jada.

Yeah, since 2000, and I think it was 2017, the first time he hosted the Oscars. But... The reason why I brought that point is I think, I hope people listen to this and realize, damn, when I disagree with someone, am I disagreeing with them because I really don't agree? Or am I disagreeing because what they're saying triggered something in me that I had to look at myself?

Can I tell you something funny that you said that my 13-year-old son brought up to me? That gave me perspective. And he wasn't 30 at the time. He said, Dad, I got a question. Why were so many more people upset about the slap than they were about George Floyd?

This is my, at the time, 12-year-old son.

And I had to explain to him, I said, you know, when people can't see themselves in a victim, they think it doesn't matter. So if you're not a black man, if you never dealt with substance abuse, if you're not a George Floyd, then you look at that situation and you think of every excuse as to why that had to happen.

But then if you're a rich, pampered, elitist white person and you see another person walk over and slap someone on stage or national TV, the first thing you think of is, This is appalling.

That's how I had to explain it to him. And he was just like, that doesn't make sense. I said, emotions don't make sense, bro. You know what I'm saying? Like, emotions, the fact that they feel a way, it don't... Ain't gotta make no sense to nobody. You see what I'm saying? No, I say that all the time. It don't gotta make sense.

Absolutely.

I would have to agree a thousand percent. I would have to agree a thousand percent. Whenever you get a chance to hate someone who's doing so well that they're doing better than me.

You killed my dog.

I'm going to watch it every time. I watch every bad boy movie. That's my favorite fucking movie. I watch it.

That was my favorite part of the movie too.

Wow.

I don't think it's the wrong ideology. Like, Kadeen and I, we have multiple bank accounts.

We have our business bank account where all of the money comes through because that's how you avoid taxes.

So I also got, I almost got canceled. Remember we talked about being canceled? I said marriage is a business. I mean, it is. So the Bible boppers came to me and was like, marriage is a covenant under God. The fact that you said marriage is a business I can't follow. I said, fine, if that's how it made you feel.

That's how I felt. I said, hey, I think two things can be true. I didn't say that it wasn't a covenant under God, but it is definitely a business.

Kadina and I share a business account. Under that business account, we have a trust. All of our money goes to our trust, our kids first to make sure that we good. Then we have a joint bank account, which is our savings. Her and I agree, this is what we're working on in this calendar year. Okay.

Under that, she got her own checking account and I got my own checking account because I don't want you checking me on what I'm trying to buy and I don't want to have to check you on what you trying to buy because you're also an individual.

Broadcasting is the evolution of medium. It really is. You know, and it's going to become like, I think it's going to become the mainstay of where people consume all of their information.

No, I can't see her checking account.

Every week.

Every week, I know. Because that's the partnership. Yeah. But the thing is, her having her own, her little stash, I ask her sometimes, like, how much money you got in your checking account? And she's like, I got a little something. Why? I got a little something. Why don't you make it? And I said, I said, I'm making sure you're good because one thing about Kadina, she's going to ask me.

She was like, babe, I saw this bag. And I'm like, why are you asking me? You got your money and your money.

And she's like, no, I just want to make sure that we are good. And I tell her, by the time it gets to that account, which is your account, you don't got to ask no fucking questions. Yeah. Because I'm not asking no questions. If I'm going to plan something for you and surprise you, I don't want you to know what I'm surprised.

My vice is not her vice. I like cars. Okay. I like cars. She likes bags and shoes and trips. Mm-hmm. I don't want her to have to, she's an individual. Imagine somebody, baby, can I buy? Get the fuck out. No, you're an adult and she works.

She works. So you have your money that goes to you. I got my money that goes to you. But ultimately, the estate building and the legacy building is already done before it gets to that point. So at that point, there's no arguments because we've already taken care of the kids and ourselves. And the truth is, I made that a... a priority when we first got together.

I told her, I said, yo, if we going to live together and be together, we got to be able to discuss finances.

Then be a partner.

But you also realize that the uncomfortable conversations you're having isn't because that person just wants to be defiant. It's because y'all grew up differently. And I learned that my father-in-law never discussed with my wife finances. He was the breadwinner. Well, he wasn't. Well, this is another thing. My wife's mom was the breadwinner.

Jamaican woman came over, became a nurse, director of nursing. She made over $150,000 a year.

Her father was a CNA. CNAs aren't, you know, they aren't licensed. He made about $45,000. But all the money they got collectively, he bought property in the 80s and 90s.

So here, he wasn't the type of man that made a lot of money on a salary, but he had the mental fortitude and the vision to buy multiple properties and put all of their kids through college with the properties he bought and the equity within that. So watching that, watching my dad, I say, okay, it's my job as the man to make sure that we have a plan financially.

But I don't want my wife to feel like she's a child in the house. And she got to come to me every day and be like, babe, I want to get a nun. Here's your salary based on what you make. Here's my salary based on what I make. My salary goes to the kids.

Like, I just don't, I don't, like, I ain't going to lie, my wife bought this.

You want to hear a funny story? Funny story. 38th birthday. My wife says to me, she's like, hey, baby, get up. We're going to the mall. I'm like, the mall? Like, it's my birthday. Why the fuck we going to the mall? Like, we go to the mall. We go to the jeweler. She goes, get whatever you want.

This is my wife now. I love her. Now, mind you, I'm the breadwinner.

And when I tell you I felt like a bad bitch in there, I was like, ah!

I got this watch. I got this bracelet. I got this necklace.

And I was like, is this too much? Is this too much? And she was like, no, get it all. Ah! She's like, get it on. And then she went and she got me this because I don't buy jewelry.

So she got me all of these things.

She got me all these things and she bought it for my birthday. This is why I wear it because I want people to know. She got me all of these Van Cleefs. I didn't know what a Van Cleef was.

She told me about Van Cleefs and Cartier bracelets and stuff. But I'm like, man, you get to do what you want to do as a woman.

That's got to make you feel empowered. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Because she make her own money. Period.

Now, that's the fact. If a woman come to me, I'm going to be like, listen now. Listen, I'll smash. Good luck, girl. Can you get me an A.P. Ice style? Maybe. Good luck.

Come get your ass.

That's hilarious. I'm expensive. I'm a bad bitch. I'm expensive.

The shoulder. That's my wife about the shoulder. I be in the bed with the shoulder. I throw that shoulder in it.

We in the bed. I throw that shoulder in it. Lex, leave me alone.

I hate y'all. Okay.

Me, personally, I'm not a whole past guy.

Selfish.

But I also understand that my wife is selfish. So when it comes to that, I know that I have to do my best to be everything she needs. People say, Deval, why you work out all the time? I work out all the time because when I get out the shower, I want my wife to look at me and be like, yeah, I need to.

Yo, I get out of the shower in slow motion. So I get out of the shower in slow motion.

I'll be like, you see this glisten? You see this glisten, baby? Do you see the glisten? That's what I do. And I think it's important that men understand it's just important for us to keep ourselves up as we ask our women to keep ourselves up. I agree with that. I like a slim waist, fat ass, you know what I'm saying? Some perky joints. I like the full lips. Yeah.

Yes.

I like a nice, you know, nice subtle makeup. I don't like too much makeup. I like subtle makeup.

A little light beat.

Light beat. You know what I'm saying? Not too much contour. I don't like the contour too much. You know what I'm saying? I don't like that. I got my demands.

So my beautiful wife, Kadeem, is very similar to you guys. She went to school for broadcast journalism. She wanted to do hard news. She did Hofstra News and Views. She worked at the radio station and she hated it.

But my wife got her demands, too. You know what I'm saying? So I got to stay six-packed up. You know, she like broad shoulders. She like a big chest.

I'm ab-dub.

I'm ab-dub. I'm ab-dub. I cut dairy off my diet. I cut red meat. My wife told me what she like. I was like, okay, okay. She like a strong man with a strong physique. Okay. So I still deadlift. I still squat. I still hang clean. Because if I got a picture, I pick K up. Period. I pick her up up here. I'll be like, come on, baby. I put her on here. I just be like, come on, baby.

You know what I'm saying? No, that's right. Because sometimes women like to lift up. They like to climb on.

And it's like, let me grab here and just... How tall is she? She's 5'5".

She's the average type. I'm 5'11". I'm 5'11". So I know most women prefer 6'1 and up. You know what I'm saying? I understand that, but I'm not 6'1". You know what I'm saying? I mean, you ain't too shy of it, though. No, 5'11 ain't too shy of it, but it ain't 6'1", and I get that. And one thing I tell you, gentlemen, if you have deficiencies in your life, man, don't be upset about it.

I could never be 6'1". But what I will do is lift my ass so that I can, you know, you know what I'm saying? And I eat right so that I can be here. You know what I'm saying? I don't do the two-minute joint. If we're going to be honest, I know. I am the type of lover I love.

I don't like quickies. You want to know why I don't like quickies?

I get that.

She don't like long sex. We got four kids. She don't got time for all of that.

But she do like to orgasm.

We've been married for a long time, and not for nothing. Men do like the long sex sessions. Y'all do. We like to be in there. We like to see y'all enjoy it. But I've learned to understand. I've understood that if you're not helping your woman get to her place, you can't have long sessions.

So when I retired from the NFL, at this point she was having our first child.

I've also learned that if she gets to her place too fast, it's going to be over. So what I learned how to do is help my wife edge.

Which means I'll keep her on the, like, this is my move. You know, I'm going to put y'all up on.

I'm going to tell y'all the game. This is what y'all do, gentlemen.

I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you. This is what you do, right? I love to see my woman enjoy sex. But the first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to put my mouth on it. You know what I'm saying? I got nice lips. I know women like my lips, so I make sure that she do it right. That's the key. Then what I do is I make sure it's right there to the point, and then I stop.

Then I beat that thing up. Because when I beat that thing up, because now she's edging. I feel like I'm in grown people's knees. No, I think it's important for men and women to understand that men don't only think about themselves when it comes to sex. I get her right to where she edges, then I beat that thing up.

I felt bad as a man. that I was just like, man, like she has her own dreams. She always has to stop doing her dreams if we continue to have children. So I was like, well, I can't even take credit for this. Our manager at the time, Denora, Denora Pena, shout out to Denora because her vision for what she saw for us was huge. And we wouldn't be who we were if it wasn't for Denora.

And then when I'm beating that thing up, getting what I want, and I know that I'm about to, that's when I stop.

Then I put a back on her back and I say, baby, hold this one more time. And then I just...

Then I make the knees.

I get them legs shaking. I'm going to get them legs shaking. I'm going to get them legs shaking. I know you fucking... Once the legs start shaking, that's when I get behind that joint and I just...

Not that fucking shoulder.

Yeah, you see the shoulder. I get behind that bitch like.

Four kids later, baby.

We both came from three. We both came from three. Okay. So I told her in college, I only have boys. I don't have girls.

I told her that, right? You ain't lying. I'm not lying. But I wanted a girl.

Yeah, I wanted a girl. Because I felt like my wife deserved a little version of her.

That she could groom into being, you know.

We can't.

We can't have any more kids. I got a vasectomy.

Girl, the fuck? Lex, leave me the fuck alone, Lex.

Y'all fertile. We are fertile. We are fertile. The only reason why I got a vasectomy is because she was postpartum.

After the last one.

And she got on birth control, but the birth control made her anemic. And I was like, yo, you've already did enough to give us four kids. Let me do my part. Period.

Plus, I thank you. I received that.

But I also was being selfish. Mm-hmm. And I knew that if I had a vasectomy and she didn't have to worry about it, she would be more inclined to be, you know what I'm saying?

So listen, I will say this about monogamy. This is why I enjoy monogamy. Okay. I'm nasty.

I like to lick and kiss. I'm the type of guy that, okay, come up here. Sit up here. You can't do that with everybody.

I'm allowed to be the sexual being that I am because my wife embraces it. I don't come home and have to deal with that. See my cameraman? My cameraman over there. That's my boy, Matt. He will tell you around 9.30, right? No matter how many people we got in the house. Kadeen is going to go put on some red shorts. They say co-ed on the back. It's going to be a crop top.

Matt will be the one to say, yo...

Because she knows what her husband needs.

She knows. My oldest son, Jackson, knows. Jackson would come to me like that.

They already know. And that's a responsibility. As a man, my responsibility is to provide and make sure that I give everything I have sexually to my wife. My wife understands that it's my obligation to make sure my husband's good.

Yeah, she got an opportunity from Stitcher. And Stitcher was like, hey, Deval and Kadeem do all these videos about Battle of the Sexes. And it's funny. Have they ever thought about a podcast? And Denora came to us and explained what a podcast was. I had never heard of a podcast. And I was like, wait a minute. So, babe. We could do the podcast from home. We could do the podcast from anywhere.

It's funny you ask that question because, first thing, I hate the whole couple goals thing.

Just from this conversation, y'all realize I don't think that there's one monolithic way to describe a couple. So when you say couple goals, people at magazine, we all got to be that way. No, the fuck you don't.

But you'll get an opportunity to continue to work and do what you do in your field without having to pause every time you get pregnant. So I was like, let's focus on the podcast and build that out so that we can ultimately get to your goal of being a daytime TV show host. And she was like, bet, let's do it. And we started it. And now we're 15 seasons later.

You know what I'm saying? Nobody has to emulate me and Kadeen to be couple goals, so I hate it. But I do understand why we get that label. I don't think it's pressure because I'm just being myself.

If I wasn't truly in love and wasn't truly monogamous and didn't really value my wife, it'd be pressure because I'm like, I got to keep this shit up. But I really get to wake up in the morning, look at my wife, love her, love my kids, love my life, and just live it. You know what I'm saying? So I don't feel a need to put on. This is who I am.

I can talk about my wife all day and not feel like I'm putting on because this is how we live, you know?

And statistically, the black man is the most active father in the household.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I received that. And first of all, I thank y'all for giving me this platform to speak on it. But I do think that it's unfair for us to make it seem as if Kadeen and I were the first people to live like this.

The truth of the matter is that we're just the first people to pick our phone up.

Like, I am just a reflection of my dad.

I'm a reflection of my uncles and my grandfather. So I can't sit here and make it seem like, listen, follow me.

No, that's not... And every day I wake up thinking like, yo, DeVal, don't fuck this up.

Well, I'm deliberate with that. When I was in college, 19 years old, my sophomore... Professor, Professor Trasciati asked us to write a mission statement. The mission statement I came up with, each day I work to build a legacy not to be defined by my greatness, but by the masses I inspire to be greater than myself. I grew up idolizing Michael Jackson.

And it wasn't because he could dance and he could sing. I idolized him because he had masses of people who followed him. When he talked about healing the world, when he talked about it doesn't matter if you're black and white. I watched masses of people be like, yeah, if Michael Jackson can do this, I can. And I just felt like, you know what, we have a greater responsibility.

And in fact, a fiduciary responsibility as people to pay it forward. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's not enough to just say, I'm going to do this for me and my family. No, we should share so that masses after us can say, you know what? I want to live like that. I mean, that's what Jesus lived on. All of these religious people. Jesus wasn't out here saying, look, I'm the son of God.

I'm perfect. Jesus was amongst the rapists, the sinners, the disciples. He turned water into wine. He sat down with the worldliest of the worldliest and just showed them a different way. He didn't judge them. He didn't say, I'm perfect, be like me. He just said, hey, let's... Let's build. Right. And I'm not saying that I'm Jesus, because I know how the internet can be.

Of course.

That's exactly what be happening.

And you can't. And you that group right there.

Well, nothing is easy that's worth having.

And the problem with most people, especially in this generation, is they want instant gratification. I was doing videos for years before any one of my videos got traction to go viral. And then once it went viral, that's when people was like, oh my gosh, Deval, you're doing this? And I said, well, where were y'all years ago when I had 26 people viewing my videos and I was still making videos?

It just came out today, Meet Me Next Christmas.

Yes, let's talk about it.

Zach was a young man dealing with recidivism when we first met him. Didn't have anything to his name. He was making money. He was trying to give Danny money so that he could stay there once in a while. He wasn't the best boyfriend. He gave Karen an STD. He was, you know, not pretty... Not advanced when it comes to being an adult.

He was behind the totem pole, and we learned a lot about his character. But I enjoy playing the role of Zach because Zach is so many young men. Maybe you're not dealing with recidivism or dealing with being in and out of prison, but I remember my early 20s being lost and not knowing who I was or who I was going to be. So we get a chance to watch Zach go through a coming-of-age story.

He meets a black woman who is powerful and strong, who's able to give him empathy and have the strength to go, you know, deal with him through his trials and tribulations, which I understand for a lot of black women. Black women say, man, why we got to deal with struggle love all the time?

You know, but when I watch sisters and I watch the team, the one thing I say about struggle love is that struggle love is black love. You know, most of us don't come from parents who've had money. Most of us come from a place where we have to get it from the ground up. So when I look as a team and I look at sisters, I say, this is our story. Everything isn't happy.

Everything isn't rainbows and sunshine. It's work.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. I enjoy playing Zach.

Yes.

I filmed 25 episodes in seven days.

What's up, Chris? Now, I think people need to understand the business aspect of it and what Tyler is trying to create, right? So, I'll give you an example. You're a producer. You get a budget of... $30 million. $30 million, right? People, that's a lot of money, right?

Do you know how far $30 million goes on a traditional TV set?

Five episodes. Maybe six.

Maybe six. What Tyler has figured out is a way. So you're talking about anywhere between five to six million an episode. Tyler spends about $750,000 an episode. I love a cheap nigga.

I'm editing videos and putting pictures up and you see three likes. That was us.

You see what I'm saying? But here's the thing though with TPS. I'm glad you said that. All of the actors, everybody on there makes more money in that two weeks than they ever made. You see that?

But sometimes the things don't look the same as someone who's doing an episode for two weeks. Mm-hmm. You got to understand who's telling the audience.

Who you telling? I be in the motherfucker.

You ever get a scene? So let me tell you something, right? I gotta ask you. No, no, no. I'm gonna talk about this. Let him cook. A scene in television is typically one page for one minute. Yes. I get my scenes sometimes for team and I'm like, this is 15 fucking pages.

You know what I'm saying?

That's 15 minutes we on the same thing.

But then you realize, I gotta make this entertaining for the viewers. If you do theater, sometimes you have a scene in theater That may be 15 minutes. If you are a thespian, you find a way to make what you do entertaining.

If you're not a thespian and you're a person that just wants to be presented in the most beautiful way possible and you don't want to do no work, that 15 minutes is going to be fucking hell. And the truth is sometimes it happens to people who act with TP. They don't know what it is. The truth is Sisters is a soap opera.

It is a soap opera in prime time.

Which is what we don't see.

Right? Soap operas happen every single day. Sisters happens every week. So a lot of people, they may be like, oh, this is slow. This is slow. When you watch soap operas every day, you're getting something every single day.

Right.

I get it, too.

You know who gave me the biggest tip pause about just creating content? I got to pause that.

You want me to tell the truth? Tell the truth. Matt is over there. Matt, I'm saying. I be getting a script sometimes and I be like, I'm not saying none of the words just on that page. Am I lying? I'm not. But, and I had a conversation with Tyler.

And I said to Tyler, I said, yo, T, man, like, come on, man, what we doing? And this is how you know somebody, like, really knows. And Karen been pregnant for, like, four seasons. But it's been, no, it hasn't been four seasons.

It's been six seasons.

She was pregnant season three. No. We're on season eight. Three, four, five, six, seven. That's crazy.

Because you got to understand, each episode is only the morning portion of that episode. So if we watch this week, it's the morning. Next week is the afternoon. The following week is, I'm just being honest.

So when you watch three weeks of television, you're like, it's three weeks of a pregnancy. No, that's one day you've watched of that pregnancy for three weeks. You see what I'm saying?

Now, I'm going to tell you the genius of Tyler Perry. Because I said to him, I was like, yo, T-Man, you know, I think that we should, I think we should not. I went 45 minutes. I was like, we should do this. And, you know, my generation thinks, and we should do. And he sat there and he listened, right? And he said, Deval, you done? I said, yeah, I'm done.

I'm not going to pause that. But I felt that pause.

He said, you think I made over $3 billion by accident?

I said, no, you didn't. But he said, so listen to me. I know my audience. I write for my audience. So then I said, well, what do you mean by your audience? He says, most people do content thinking I can expand over all these different genres. I can expand for these people. I write for the people who support me. And then when I thought about the people who support him, I'm thinking the Bible Belt.

I'm thinking about black women between the ages of 25 to 65. And I said to myself, those women grew up watching what? Soap operas.

Move.

I'll give you a contrast, and then you'll be like, oh, you know what? I get it. Fast and the Furious has how many movies? Ten. Seven.

They complain every time a new Fast and the Furious comes out, right? And every time it comes out, what is it in the box office? Number one. So who cares about who complains?

You can complain because you don't watch it. Or if you do watch it, why are you watching every week and complaining? Me. You know what I'm saying? It's like people complain about content like Fast and Furious. It's a lot of them. They watch it. People complain about it. It's number one. Tyler is a businessman. He's a content creator.

And he understands that this film or this show was made for a specific group of people. It ain't made for everybody else who's going to complain. It's made for them. And those are the people who are typically forgotten. How many films or projects, for example, Precious. Precious was a movie that would have never, ever gotten made if it wasn't for Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry. Right?

Okay, what was the big tip? I can't even tell this story now.

It won an Oscar. Monique won an Oscar. I think Gabourey Sidibe won an Oscar.

If it wasn't for those people, Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey and Lee Daniels, who knew that this audience would love this film, it would have never gotten made.

You see what I'm saying?

Bro, I'll tell you. Go ahead, go ahead.

Especially in this climate. But I worked as Omari Hardwick's A stunt double.

Three billion. Three billion up. Now, here's the thing. He won't be considered three billion liquid for a couple of years, but I can tell you right now. That man is worth more than $3 billion. I believe he. More than $3 billion. And another thing is I've made more money working with Tyler Perry than I ever made as a professional athlete.

But I made even more money with the information he gave me, just like 50 Cent. When it came time to contracts, when it came time to letting people, for example, I'll tell y'all this as podcasters. I met with Tyler in 2019 after we did Sisters. We talked and he gave me the story about the 90-10 rule. When he went to CBS, CBS had offered him his own television show.

And they were just like, oh, we got writers, we got people. And Tyler was like, I don't need that. I'll do it. And they were like, oh, we really don't do it that way. So he walked away. Went to TBS. Went to TBS and got his own TV show where he got 90% and the company got 10% because he put his own money up.

House of Payne. And then after House of Payne came Meet the Browns because he was super successful. With my podcast, when I was first with Stitcher, they undershot me. They didn't know the value of the black dollar and they didn't know the value of black following, right? At Stitcher, they said to me, just like, hey, you know, you know what? We'll give you a $50,000 bonus.

You got to get $50,000 downloads in the first six months and all this other stuff. And I was like, I'm cool on the $50,000 bonus. And they're like, excuse me? Because I knew my value. And I was like, I want 50% revenue share.

I only know this because I had been talking to Tyler. And they were just like... They were like, wait a minute. So we don't got to give you $50,000? I said, no. I want ownership. Deadass Podcast is mine. I want that name. And I also want the ability to put it on digital content video and you don't own it. You know what they said? Sure. Go ahead, DeVal.

You think you're going to get 50,000 downloads? First week of Deadass Podcast. Guess how many downloads? Nope.

More than that.

275,000 downloads.

So you know what happened with that? They had to pay me $50,000 in the first week because we had surpassed the $50,000. Hello. They had to pay me that every single week. I know. Every single month because we had the revenue share.

But I learned that from Tyler because it's like, let them underestimate you. Let them underestimate the black value, the black dollar, black viewership. And that's what they always do to Tyler. They always underestimate black viewership, right? And you know what Viacom does? Viacom comes in here, Tyler, we'll give you this. Let's see what you do. Number one, number one, number one, number one.

Netflix, number one, number one.

Amazon, number one, number one.

You see what I'm saying? I mean. Like, he's, when I tell you a genius.

I felt it. I said that to Tommy in jail, but it wasn't ghosts. It was me. It was you. It was me.

Yes, yes, yes.

It is a rom-com.

It's Meet Me Next Christmas. It comes out today on Netflix starring Christina Milian, myself, and Kobe Cerebo. I'm excited about it because, and then Tyler will admit to this too, but it's outside of the Tylerverse, which means I get to do something on my own outside of that universe to show my value, not only to Tyler, but to BET, to Netflix, to the people and say, hey, the valor's a draw.

So this was an opportunity for me to showcase what I can do. Christina Milian, like, she's... Legend. Come on, now.

Come on, now.

Here's the thing. She's an even more beautiful person.

She is.

She's good. She's good.

So to me, this was like a no-brainer. I want to expand myself as an artist. I want people to see me outside of the BET universe and the Tyler universe.

Netflix has 300 million viewers. Yes. So hopefully that can expand what I do. But it's fun.

That's what I was going to ask you.

To be or not to be. That is the question, Lex.

So this is what happened, all right? Y'all not going to shame me for my role, all right?

I don't think I give good advice. Okay. I think that I give my perspective.

You can take it or leave it.

I'm playing with y'all. We're just trying to ask.

Take it. If you don't want it, throw that motherfucker out. All right?

Okay, come on. Let's get it.

The role didn't start out as a double.

The role started with season two, I believe, episode nine. Tommy had went to jail, and he's in jail, and he sees a guy who looks like Ghost.

And then he goes to him, and he's like, hey, Ghost, hey, Ghost. And then I turn around, and I say, the fuck you looking at?

She said, I was with this dude. As soon as he got out, he was just like, yeah, you ain't the one for me. He said, thanks, boo.

Oh, man. Wow. First thing I realized is that. Appreciate you. She's 30. Y'all going to hell. First thing I'm going to say is y'all going to hell. Both of y'all going to hell for you for reading that question out loud and for you for laughing and making them jokes. And I'm trying to be serious. I'm trying to help this young lady.

It's the first thing I'm going to say. She's 30. She has an eight-year-old. The fact that she was dating someone in lockup that she probably hasn't met tells me that she probably has some self-esteem issues. If you feel you have to just go jump to a dude that's locked up that you met through your middle school friend and you can't meet someone that's out, means you don't value yourself.

And then he realized, wait a minute.

That's not Ghost.

I didn't say that. I didn't say that. Let's see. I didn't say that. Why you starting trouble? I didn't say that. Bitch, where is your self-esteem? But I meant that.

I didn't say it, but I meant that. Let Lexi say what I meant, because I'm not trying to get canceled. I didn't say that. But I said it. But I said that. All right? Like, if a woman is like, you know, I got to go find somebody who's locked up, I don't think her self-esteem is good. I agree. I think that you dodged a bullet.

I think that you have to focus on yourself and also your eight-year-old child. You don't got to worry about chasing men. If you a catch and you out here parenting and being the best version of yourself, the right man will come for you. I agree. Hopefully, he'll be free.

After that episode is when the producers was like, yo, you look and your body type is a lot like Omari. Right. And he was like, how are you interested in being his stunt double? So my thing was, just like you, I said, nigga be walking around in suits. What the fuck does he need a stunt double for? But I'll do it. Okay. Because I wanted to learn.

You had to get your little joke in.

Now, if he on trial, if he on trial or he got out, I'm with that. But in jail, I'm not doing that.

You would date a Zach or X-Con?

I know plenty of... I have.

I know plenty of good ex-cons.

If you can murder somebody, you can probably murder me. So how about... What if I told you a stat that you didn't know?

No. Over 80% of the inmates who are in jail are in jail because they... They... They... accepted a plea deal for crimes that they didn't commit.

Chain with it, y'all. I'm trying to help y'all out. You know what I'm saying?

I do, too, bro.

I do too. I know a lot of ex-cons.

I agree with her.

I agree with that. I agree with that.

Go ahead, Lex.

I wanted to see what it's like to be a leading man in a drama, the number one drama on all the television. So I'm doing that. And years before that, I had did 50 Cent's funeral video. I had played Remo. So one thing about 50 Cent, y'all got to know this. 50 Cent remembers everyone who's been around.

Oh, shit. I've been listening to Changes by Tupac. Okay. Because this government and this election that had me... Yeah. You know, it's had me stressed. So I've been listening to Changes by Tupac. Sugar Hill Gang. Sugar Hill Gang, why? Because I'm old? Lexi, I swear to God, I'm going to fight you when this fucking camera go up.

They right there, too. You know what I'm saying?

No.

You've seen that shit. First of all, Santana's my man. I rock with Santana. We did some stuff together, but I'm not going to watch a video with Santana.

Why would I watch that, though?

Yeah, but you said if I watched it, I can look up and I can see Santana talking about something. Oh, that's just funny. I can look up and see Santana twerking and just swipe that motherfucker.

So I didn't see him.

I'm not trying to see him twerk.

And I'll just be like... Not Santana.

Well, you can find me at I Am DeVal on all platforms. The Deadass Podcast, that's Deadass with Kadeem and DeVal. You can find us there. You can watch Meet Me Next Christmas today, November 6th on Netflix. Make sure you watch Sisters on BET and Zatima on BET+.

I think she would love y'all because y'all mad funny.

I think y'all could bring the parts of Kadina out that people don't know because Kadina hood chick.

And she's so used to being like, you know, put together, and this would be fun for her. I think so, too.

We'll definitely come back. We'll definitely come back.

Bye, y'all.

He does because, I mean, he's from Queens. I'm from Brooklyn. I understand this type of environment. He's from Queens. He's had beef his whole life. When people are around you, you make sure you can recognize who's around you. So I was around him all day shooting this video. Two years later, I go to do Power, and he looks at me like, yo, I said, Remo.

Not the ass. Yeah. Looking at my rolling girl, I see it's almost time. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Got a little something, something for my sexy. No, no, no, no. I like having you around, so I got to put you down. I like, except for the wrong words, I don't know what I'm saying. So be there on three square.

And he's just like, yo, what's good, my G? Like, people think 50 Cent is like this hard guy who always, he is. But he's also a businessman, an astute businessman. So me being a Brooklyn guy, it's the end of the night. It's like 1.30. Of course, I'm just the stunt double. Stunt doubles don't really do shit. You know, so 50 Cent's walking through the lobby. I see him. He's with a little PA.

And I'm like, this is my chance. I'm going to go holler at 50. So I jump up. Everybody's quiet. It's 50 Cent. I'm like, what? 50 said, come through. I get up. He getting on the elevator. I go to get on the elevator. The PA puts his hand in my chest. I'm like, oh, no, you're not. Excuse me.

He know me. Walked right through that. Right. And then 50 was smirking. And I was like, yo, 50, what up? So then when he started talking to me, the PA was like, okay, I guess this is cool. So I said, yo, 50, man.

I was real comfortable. I was real comfortable because I'm like, this is my moment. This is my moment. You know what I'm saying? Right. Walked in that bitch. I was like, fifth, what up? He was like, what's up, my G? And I was just like, yo, I like you, yo. You a bully like me. I'm a bully too. See how I got on the elevator. So he started laughing. And I was like, yo, this is before BMF was out.

I said, y'all want to be on BMF? Mm-hmm. He was just like, yo, we're going to work. We're going to work. Never got a chance.

You know how that go.

But what he did do, he's like, yo, what else you got going on? He's like, yo, come with me. I went with him to his dressing room. He looked at my social media because I told him the stuff I was working on. He saw my videos of my family before they ever went viral.

And 50 Cent said, yo, this shit is hilarious. He said, yo, you got to keep doing this. He was like, let me tell you something. He was like, don't worry about the views. What you have here is a catalog of content, which means all you need is one video to go viral. And when people see that video, they're going to go back and see what other videos.

And when they see that you do this, they'll follow you and they'll share because it's not a one hit wonder. Right. I was like, oh, he right. So that was June. That was June, I believe, 2016. Okay. Yeah. September 2016, Kyra was born. I do a video, it goes viral. I had about a thousand videos. All of those videos now getting hundreds of thousands of views.

The first thing I thought was 50 was right.

He was right. And the thing is, I've never, I'm not on BMF, but the information he gave me was more valuable than a role.

Because he taught me how to build my own thing. So from this day forward, I always say, I always get fifths.

shows you the value of consistency yeah which most people don't have yeah they want instant gratification if they don't get it they quit but consistency means you do stuff when nobody's watching and when people pay attention you got a catalog that happened to y'all that happened to me and now look at y'all yeah see what i'm saying and look at you i'm grinding baby still grinding

Lex, Drea, thank you.