Doug Stanhope

speaker

535 appearances 3 recordings 3 series first heard Jun 2024 last heard Feb 2025

Doug Stanhope’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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The Startup Ideas Podcast · 4 microSaaS ideas you can build to make $100k/month · 3 Feb 2025 podcast

Is it locked in an algorithm that you can't get out of? Oh. We all are. I don't know if don't show me this channel or not interested is, but they don't work. Right. And you watched one thing once, and can I stop this?

Faces of death. That's old. All these women's butts. I'm like, gross. I'll say that off the air. Some things you don't want to fucking even give any attention to. Yeah, yeah. Don't do it. But there's one that a friend of mine sent me. It was from Rumble or something. Oh, boy. And now that was like months ago. And I watched maybe 10 minutes. I'm like, I can't do this. I was a kid, faces of death.

Yeah. And now that it's all real. I know. But like, oh, no, I can't. And it tortured me forever. Really? And now people are catching on because it got to other sites. Oh, boy. Can you give us a hint of what you saw? India. That's all I needed, Indian. And I'm in it because I had a fucking bit on my last special about Indian gang rape. And they just took the most racist-y parts of what I did.

You have to, if you're going to be racist or whatever, you have to do it quickly and have the, oh, that makes it okay part come right away. You can't make them wait for eight, ten minutes for the, oh, now I see what he was doing. No one has eight or ten minutes.

Yeah, well, that's how much money I have, to get back to your point, is where I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. As long as I can pay for fucking, Three cheap seats to fucking Warsaw to get to Ukraine and stay at a Holiday Inn.

Yeah. I want to break even and I want to go back to playing gigs that I love to do, which are small shithole, like the one nighter. I've never played Asbury Lanes.

I'm sure that's one of those gigs I'd love, but my own. I'd just go, hey, let's go, me and Andy, let's go have fucking fun like we used to and not give a shit about the money. I love it. Where people are just happy you showed up. Yes, here, here.

I'm not going to forget the bodega.

Promo code Stanhope. Buy bodega cap. Use promo code Stanhope.

Yeah, and I was nobody, obviously. I'm still nobody, but I was really nobody. And someone goes, hey, there's a party at Bill Maher's house. I had just moved to L.A., maybe 96, 95, 96. Had to be 96, because it was Fourth of July. And she's like, hey, there's a party if you want to go and crash it. And I'm like, yeah. I would do everything when I was young. It's free booze, and he's a comic. Yeah.

And I show up and it's all like just one of those industry parties where it's still kind of daylight and everyone's like, no one's really talking. And if they are, it's industry talking to industry. And you hope, oh, Jeff Cesario's here, but I'm fucking 19 and he's still 60. Right. And so at some point I drink enough of their free booze that I fucking, I used to get naked all the time.

That's why it's like when Louie pulled his dick out in front of people. I've had so many people have seen my dick. If there was a class action lawsuit, you couldn't pass out enough fucking mailers. Yeah. So I just jump in their pool naked. Yep. He's in the pool now. They're like, eh. I thought, hey, come on, I'll start the party. And nothing. And then he's not even at the party. He's upstairs.

And then he comes down like fucking, not Rocky Balboa, but fucking his opponent, Apollo Creed. He comes down wearing a fucking 4th of July top hat. Oh, man. And this is like politically incorrect. Right. But he comes down and he's just Hugh Hefnering. But as a troll, he's always been a troll and he's just grown into it so horrifically.

I remember seeing an episode of him making fun of Kim Jong Un's fucking hair. And you go, look in the fucking mirror. Yeah. You have a fucking helmet of this ridiculous bulbous nose. You're a fucking... And I'm not a person to fucking point... Fingers and awkward heads.

But it takes one to know one. He comes down, and now, oh, the party starts down. Everyone's, oh, Bill Maher's coming down his staircase. And then he jumps in the fucking pool. Then everyone's jumping in the fucking pool. And this one girl who was, I'm not being Fonzie, and I'm not sure if it was Sweden or Switzerland, but she was a Swedish... Flight attendant. That's a very Fonzie thing.

So I'm just hanging out with her at the other end of the pool. And LA, 4th of July, fucking sun goes, it gets fucking cold. So we get out of the pool when it's finally wrapping up and I'm fucking freezing. So I'm with her and we go racing. Let's jump in a hot shower. So we jump in a shower. It's not like he only has one.

But he found us in the shower. Hey, there's no shower scenes in my house. Let's wrap it up. Whoa. Because she was one of the only chicks left. Ah, he didn't like that. Hot shower with her. We weren't even close to fucking her out. Come on. We were literally freezing. Okay. No, I would have fucked her for sure, but she wasn't throwing off that kind of vibe. Got it, got it.

She was kind of like, no, we don't belong here. We both had that in common.

Which doesn't lead to fucking. again if i if i had game that night if i would have all right but then so i had to leave and it it was when i first moved to la so my manager was trying to get me on politically incorrect because it was kind of suitable for me and like yeah that's over now so so i i uh i i mailed uh

Letter to Bill Maher with a key to my apartment at 1204 North Curzon Avenue, apartment 9. Here's a key to my apartment. Feel free to show up anytime you want. Come in, drink all my booze, and fuck up my stuff, and use the shower. Doug Stanton.

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