Doug Stanhope

speaker

535 appearances 3 recordings 3 series first heard Jun 2024 last heard Feb 2025

Doug Stanhope’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

Trend

recordings per month · last 12 months

No recordings in the last 12 months.Older appearances are listed below; set an alert to hear about the next one.

Appearances

newest first · ▶ plays the moment

The Startup Ideas Podcast · 4 microSaaS ideas you can build to make $100k/month · 3 Feb 2025 podcast

You know what? There's manipulation afoot in it, too, because I always wear a fucking Delta, vintage Delta pin, and I have a fucking bag of fucking vintage Delta gadgets, and you will not get shut off drinking on a plane.

If you've given them a 1973 vintage Delta fucking this and that. Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you. Could I get a double?

Probably not if you use the word stewardess. Oh, sorry. That's where I lost you. Did you ever notice for a drinker's podcast that this is kind of like a... It's like a sneeze guard. Oh, shit. You're right. Get him a straw. Give me a crazy straw. Give me a hurricane with a crazy straw. You said you could make anything, right?

We could whip that up. We might be able to whip up a hurricane. I have no idea what's in a hurricane other than diabetes. It's shit. I feel like I'm sounding like a telno. Fucking came in here so jacked. I woke up and I saw my face after. That's almost 12 hours of drinking for me to get here. Because I'm two hours from the airport, so I fucking leave early. And then I get for a 1 o'clock flight.

I'm there at 1130, so I start drinking at the bar. It's the only bar I'm a regular at is the Tucson airport. Like, Sam, what are you doing? Where are you going now? How's that thing that you did? And then, you know, in first class, if you get bumped up, or I usually buy first, but if I'm not making money where I'm going, I go, I should probably just, you know, roll the dice.

What's the point of chasing diamond status if you don't have the reward of getting bumped up? Good point. So I did get bumped up on the first fight, so I've had... Two drinks at the airport bar, and then I get your pre-flight drink, which I get fucking livid if they don't serve that. That's crazy. That's the whole point of first class. Yes.

Getting a drink before those other fucking simple motherfuckers. Yes. What did you say? It's a great peeve. Oh, peeve. Yes. All right. I thought you said pee. Oh. I try to hydrate. Get this guy a catheter. Well, what I did is I call them torpedoes. That size of water, if I could drink one of those in a day, it's almost half a gallon. It's 50-something ounces.

And that's what they recommend, at least a half gallon a day. So I chugged this fucking thing before airport security that I've driven with but ignored. And now I forgot. I got bumped up, but I'm in a window seat. Ah. I'm going to have to piss this whole flight. And I sit there and I get my drink. He pisses me. He pisses like an old lady. I piss like a motherfucker. But at least you get an aisle.

Yeah. You think ahead. I try. So this lady sits down. She has a hard hat connected to her backpack. Oh, boy. A woman of a certain age. And then she gets to her. Like me, she keeps her Delta fucking earpieces. So she plugs in her earpieces for the in-flight entertainment, pulls out her tray and opens up a laptop. And then they come to say, what would you like?

The vegetarian option or the chicken Cuban sandwich? And I'm like, and then she orders tea, hot tea. And I'm like. I already have to piss. Yeah. So before the tea comes, I'm like, lady, I'm sorry, but let me get this done before I'm going to knock over. I have this fucking overcoat on. I say, slank it. I'm going to knock everything off. And so she said, oh, it's okay.

And I just squeezed every ounce of piss out I could then. Yeah. Sorry, I just did broken special. I was so claustrophobic just being in a window seat knowing that I'm gonna have to piss again. I didn't, but I wanted to the whole time.

That's tough.

But I also don't have projects I'm doing.

Like, yeah. If you're going to have the whole fucking build a fucking thing.

If you've got a bit of book reading. I might have been on one of my CDs. That's how fucking long I've been around. I think three CDs, which I love every time you fucking belch. Oh, yeah. Or fart. The farting thing. Oh, tell that to David. Peeve is fucking eating on Mike.

You. Really? Yes. But the farting and belching I love. You showed the fucking Nate Bargatze's reaction to you farting. That's a fucking, that was a Hedberg peeve. One time at Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis, we were co-headlining and we would just get hammered and the late show would get fucking, we just, if you remember, you could just walk back into the green room from the stage.

So we'd walk back and talk to each other in the green room and then whoever's on stage would go back out or we'd go back out together. We'd do bumps like on the mic, but in the green room with the mic. And one time I took the mic and I farted in it and Bargatze had nothing on how much fucking Hedberg bummed out. Really? Yeah. Really? That is so inconsiderate.

Oh, I wouldn't do it during someone's act.

Well, because he has to talk into the mic.

Showing 101–120 of 535 · page 6 of 27