Dr. Alison Wood Brooks

What's going on?

What are you struggling with right now that I might be able to help with?

Right?

It's just incredible.

Oh my gosh.

The thing that makes kindness so hard is that it is effortful.

And it's constant.

We have to battle against all of these other things that are draining our resources, especially with someone you live with, right?

You see them all the time.

And so it's a big ask to say, well, be kind all the time to this person.

Put in all of this effort all the time.

But I think trying to get over our self-centered, our self-focus and really trying to understand what our partner cares about, figure out what they need, whether it's just a hug or it's just a cup of coffee, figure out what they need and help them get it.

Yeah, it sounds like that kind of relationship sounds like you're stuck in a bad equilibrium, a bad sort of... What does that mean?

So you're stuck in the... You've developed habits in a specific relationship that aren't working for you.

Yep.

Right.

And then every time you see that person, you might fall back into that same habits where you're getting defensive, you're lashing out, you're making accusations rather than these ideals that we're trying to live up to of like, I want to be interested in you.

I want to figure out your needs and help you.

You've fallen into the opposite.

Yes.