Dr. Amir Levine

It actually, she can weave it really comfortably into her life.

Remember, attachment is all about safety.

So it's easy for secures to do the things that anxious need in order to keep that radar from going off and calling danger, danger.

That's why I said it's like having a relationship coach built into the relationship that can teach you to become more secure.

I mean, you would think so, but that's not what usually happens.

Because what happens is, in a way, they really reaffirm each other's worst beliefs and ideas about the world.

Because you can also think about these attachment styles.

They're also called working models, which is a set of beliefs and ideas about relationships in the world.

So people who are anxious think, I'm not lovable.

People are not going to love me enough.

They're not going to be there for me.

the relationship is very fragile and it can really dissolve very quickly.

Avoidance, on the other hand, think people are too much.

They're very needy.

They're going to seek me out.

I can never get the peace of mind that I need.

And so they both actually meet the expectations of the other person's worst nightmares, basically.

So they reaffirm each other's worst beliefs.

And so it kind of works for them.

But also, I think once you get into a relationship with someone, it's not that easy to undo it.