Dr. Amir Levine

So you find yourself

in potentially what we call the anxious avoidant trap, where one side wants something and the other side can give it to them.

That's one of the major things that we were trying to advocate.

It's for people to learn about their attachment styles, to find ways and to learn how to figure out what other people's attachment styles are.

Early on when they're actually searching for someone, if you're dating, I think it's one of the best tools that you can develop is know what your needs are and also learn to identify what other people's needs are.

And it's actually not that hard.

It's easier than people think.

All you have to do is listen for certain things

And to figure out what other people's attachment styles is.

And also, you have to be convinced that what they tell you is what they mean.

Because oftentimes what happens when people date is like, oh, they will change for me.

There's a lot of myths and misconceptions about love and dating that stand in the way of us being able to see if we're a good match to someone else or not.

I wouldn't say that you're doomed because, you know, in all these years in my private practice,

I've seen couples come in and let's say they're in that anxious avoidant trap.

And then I teach them certain tools and really teach them about the logic of the attachment neurocircuitry.

And if they learn to work around it, it's not a very complicated system.

It's a system that wants safety.

So basically if you learn to pacify this neurocircuitry, then you get the peace and love that you need in a much, much easier way than people think.

So for starters, definitely.

Just knowing about these attachment styles, knowing that not everybody sees the world the way that you do, that people experience relationships differently,