Dr. Becky Kennedy

Sweetie, do you know why I'm not going to call your teacher?

It's actually because I think you're really capable of having the first conversation.

And if I do it right away, in some ways I'm saying to you without saying, I don't think you can learn how to have a difficult conversation with your teacher.

And I believe that you can so much that I'm not going to do it.

I'm happy to talk to you about how you can start that conversation.

But that is really important.

That is very different than saying to my kid, I'm not calling your teacher.

I'm sorry.

Figure it out for yourself.

Same intervention, but very different impact.

So that's number one.

Know where your intention is coming from.

Because when you know...

Then your kid says, you're such a mean mom.

It doesn't have a magnet to stick to because you've already checked it.

Number two, we are depriving our kids from their capability.

Every time you step in and, quote, fix a situation your kid could learn to struggle with and figure out for themselves, you are depriving your kid of an opportunity to feel capable, which is why we see, I think, so much fragility and anxiety.

in 20 and 30 year olds, even teens.

Because anxiety in a way is just a way of saying, I am scared of this situation and I don't know I can be capable in it.

Well, if other people are always stealing your capability by doing things for you, no wonder you feel so anxious.