Dr. Becky Kennedy

I can't even tell you how many teens in my practice back in the day would tell me stories of essentially parental neglect and not neglect like they weren't there, but they weren't being a parent.

It sticks with me all the time. And I think the lessons of it can be really, we can rewind, right, to when our kids are much younger and apply it. So, yeah, there's a 16-year-old girl and she's such, I don't even know the right word, a pizzazz. That's my most generous interpretation. And so she comes in and she had been cutting, right, her arms for years.

It sticks with me all the time. And I think the lessons of it can be really, we can rewind, right, to when our kids are much younger and apply it. So, yeah, there's a 16-year-old girl and she's such, I don't even know the right word, a pizzazz. That's my most generous interpretation. And so she comes in and she had been cutting, right, her arms for years.

It sticks with me all the time. And I think the lessons of it can be really, we can rewind, right, to when our kids are much younger and apply it. So, yeah, there's a 16-year-old girl and she's such, I don't even know the right word, a pizzazz. That's my most generous interpretation. And so she comes in and she had been cutting, right, her arms for years.

And I asked her about it and she had been cutting for two years. And I said, oh, have you seen a therapist? Because she told me her parents knew about it. She goes, no, you're the first one. I saw. I said, oh, so let me just see if I got this right. You've been cutting your arms for about two years. Your parents knew. And this is the first time you came to a therapist.

And I asked her about it and she had been cutting for two years. And I said, oh, have you seen a therapist? Because she told me her parents knew about it. She goes, no, you're the first one. I saw. I said, oh, so let me just see if I got this right. You've been cutting your arms for about two years. Your parents knew. And this is the first time you came to a therapist.

And I asked her about it and she had been cutting for two years. And I said, oh, have you seen a therapist? Because she told me her parents knew about it. She goes, no, you're the first one. I saw. I said, oh, so let me just see if I got this right. You've been cutting your arms for about two years. Your parents knew. And this is the first time you came to a therapist.

Like, how did that connect those dots for me? And she goes, well, my parents did tell me I had to see a therapist two years ago. And I told them, oh, so you're saying I'm a f***ed up kid. So you're basically saying I'm the messed up one in the family. Fine. I'll go to a therapist. But I'm going to lie about everything. I'm just going to waste your money. And that's how it's going to go.

Like, how did that connect those dots for me? And she goes, well, my parents did tell me I had to see a therapist two years ago. And I told them, oh, so you're saying I'm a f***ed up kid. So you're basically saying I'm the messed up one in the family. Fine. I'll go to a therapist. But I'm going to lie about everything. I'm just going to waste your money. And that's how it's going to go.

Like, how did that connect those dots for me? And she goes, well, my parents did tell me I had to see a therapist two years ago. And I told them, oh, so you're saying I'm a f***ed up kid. So you're basically saying I'm the messed up one in the family. Fine. I'll go to a therapist. But I'm going to lie about everything. I'm just going to waste your money. And that's how it's going to go.

All this, like, rage. I don't know why I knew it in the moment. I was like, I'm just going to say nothing. I actually think that's one of the most important parenting strategies also is do nothing. Wait. And her countenance and everything about her body language completely shifted from this, I don't need anyone. I don't care about the world, scorched earth, to she just had this downward gaze.

All this, like, rage. I don't know why I knew it in the moment. I was like, I'm just going to say nothing. I actually think that's one of the most important parenting strategies also is do nothing. Wait. And her countenance and everything about her body language completely shifted from this, I don't need anyone. I don't care about the world, scorched earth, to she just had this downward gaze.

All this, like, rage. I don't know why I knew it in the moment. I was like, I'm just going to say nothing. I actually think that's one of the most important parenting strategies also is do nothing. Wait. And her countenance and everything about her body language completely shifted from this, I don't need anyone. I don't care about the world, scorched earth, to she just had this downward gaze.

And when she finally looked up, she was so sad. And the words that she said to me literally were, can you believe they let me make that decision? I still have the chills. And the way I think we can zoom out from this. is our kids will never say to us, thank you for making a decision for me, but they feel it.

And when she finally looked up, she was so sad. And the words that she said to me literally were, can you believe they let me make that decision? I still have the chills. And the way I think we can zoom out from this. is our kids will never say to us, thank you for making a decision for me, but they feel it.

And when she finally looked up, she was so sad. And the words that she said to me literally were, can you believe they let me make that decision? I still have the chills. And the way I think we can zoom out from this. is our kids will never say to us, thank you for making a decision for me, but they feel it.

Imagine being on a plane and you're flying from LA to New York and you're like, I've got to get to New York for this meeting, for this podcast, for this wedding, something very important. And the pilot is saying, look, I have bad news. I just have this light go off. I don't know what exactly it means, but we've got to make an emergency landing in Iowa. And everyone in the plane is like,

Imagine being on a plane and you're flying from LA to New York and you're like, I've got to get to New York for this meeting, for this podcast, for this wedding, something very important. And the pilot is saying, look, I have bad news. I just have this light go off. I don't know what exactly it means, but we've got to make an emergency landing in Iowa. And everyone in the plane is like,

Imagine being on a plane and you're flying from LA to New York and you're like, I've got to get to New York for this meeting, for this podcast, for this wedding, something very important. And the pilot is saying, look, I have bad news. I just have this light go off. I don't know what exactly it means, but we've got to make an emergency landing in Iowa. And everyone in the plane is like,

No, this isn't important. You're overreacting. Oh, my God, I said this wedding. And then you hear the pilot because everyone's freaking out because, oh, you know what? Forget it. You know what? Everyone's upset. I'm just going to keep flying the plane. Now picture the passenger cabin as upset as they were. Now I'm like 10 out of 10. What? My being upset is enough to make a pilot change decision.