Dr. Becky Kennedy

And you're like, OK, I want to do a good job. But then you realize you don't have a job description. Right. I think anybody would know I can't do a good job if I don't know what my job is. And I actually think most parents, they actually don't have any clarity in what their job is. What is my job when my kid's upset? What is my job in general? And a lot of it actually comes down to boundaries.

So to me, parents have two jobs in almost every situation. So there's a wash, rinse, repeat nature to learning this. And those two jobs are setting boundaries and validating your kid's emotional experience. And we often think about those two things in opposition, but to me, they really are two sides of an effective parenting equation, and both really matter.

So to me, parents have two jobs in almost every situation. So there's a wash, rinse, repeat nature to learning this. And those two jobs are setting boundaries and validating your kid's emotional experience. And we often think about those two things in opposition, but to me, they really are two sides of an effective parenting equation, and both really matter.

So to me, parents have two jobs in almost every situation. So there's a wash, rinse, repeat nature to learning this. And those two jobs are setting boundaries and validating your kid's emotional experience. And we often think about those two things in opposition, but to me, they really are two sides of an effective parenting equation, and both really matter.

So let's start with boundaries, because I think boundaries are very poorly misunderstood. And whenever I hear someone say, my kids don't respect my boundaries, I actually kind of know that their definition of boundaries is probably off. So here's my definition of boundaries. Boundaries are what we tell our kids we will do, and they require a kid to do nothing.

So let's start with boundaries, because I think boundaries are very poorly misunderstood. And whenever I hear someone say, my kids don't respect my boundaries, I actually kind of know that their definition of boundaries is probably off. So here's my definition of boundaries. Boundaries are what we tell our kids we will do, and they require a kid to do nothing.

So let's start with boundaries, because I think boundaries are very poorly misunderstood. And whenever I hear someone say, my kids don't respect my boundaries, I actually kind of know that their definition of boundaries is probably off. So here's my definition of boundaries. Boundaries are what we tell our kids we will do, and they require a kid to do nothing.

So in a way, they're an assertion of your very appropriate parental authority, which I don't mean that in a creepy way, but like truly, we are the authority. You are the pilot of the plane. And so boundaries are limits. So boundaries, though, are within your control.

So in a way, they're an assertion of your very appropriate parental authority, which I don't mean that in a creepy way, but like truly, we are the authority. You are the pilot of the plane. And so boundaries are limits. So boundaries, though, are within your control.

So in a way, they're an assertion of your very appropriate parental authority, which I don't mean that in a creepy way, but like truly, we are the authority. You are the pilot of the plane. And so boundaries are limits. So boundaries, though, are within your control.

So if you're saying my kid doesn't respect my boundaries, you're saying I'm giving the power of my intervention to my kid, and we have to help parents reclaim that. So here's a perfect example, and it relates to listening, because a lot of times when parents say my kids aren't listening, we're just not setting boundaries. So, for example, get off the couch, stop jumping off the couch.

So if you're saying my kid doesn't respect my boundaries, you're saying I'm giving the power of my intervention to my kid, and we have to help parents reclaim that. So here's a perfect example, and it relates to listening, because a lot of times when parents say my kids aren't listening, we're just not setting boundaries. So, for example, get off the couch, stop jumping off the couch.

So if you're saying my kid doesn't respect my boundaries, you're saying I'm giving the power of my intervention to my kid, and we have to help parents reclaim that. So here's a perfect example, and it relates to listening, because a lot of times when parents say my kids aren't listening, we're just not setting boundaries. So, for example, get off the couch, stop jumping off the couch.

These are things we say to our kids all the time. Maybe they're jumping near a glass table, whatever the reason.

These are things we say to our kids all the time. Maybe they're jumping near a glass table, whatever the reason.

These are things we say to our kids all the time. Maybe they're jumping near a glass table, whatever the reason.

So a boundary is not saying, please stop jumping. We don't jump. or if you don't stop jumping, I will take away your dessert tonight. Because again, a boundary is something I tell my kid I will do as the parent and it would require my kid to do nothing.

So a boundary is not saying, please stop jumping. We don't jump. or if you don't stop jumping, I will take away your dessert tonight. Because again, a boundary is something I tell my kid I will do as the parent and it would require my kid to do nothing.

So a boundary is not saying, please stop jumping. We don't jump. or if you don't stop jumping, I will take away your dessert tonight. Because again, a boundary is something I tell my kid I will do as the parent and it would require my kid to do nothing.

In all those situations, I'm not communicating what I would do and the success of the intervention requires my kid to do something, which is just not a bet. We really want to make a boundary in that situation would be saying it looks like it's hard for you to get off the couch. If by the time I get over to you, you're not off.