Dr. Becky Kennedy

So then let's say that first example.

I say to that woman, okay, is it within your value system

to once in a while during your motherhood years, have dinner with your friends.

And it's so interesting.

Everyone's like, yeah, that is okay.

So I said, so this is interesting because right now, when you go to dinner, you are acting in alignment with your values.

So what's going on?

And this happened, and I don't think this is guilt.

So here's what I think is happening.

Going back to so many of the themes we've talked about.

As women, we have been conditioned to look at other people's uncomfortable feelings

and kind of take them into our body, metabolize them.

And then we call that guilt.

That is not guilt.

That is the process of taking what is in someone else's body.

That is their feeling state and taking on, not from a place of care, you're taking responsibility for feelings instead of caring about feelings.

This is so important for every human to know.

Caring about feelings is completely different than taking responsibility for feelings.

And it does a disservice to everyone, including your relationship.

So let's go through this visual because I find it the most helpful thing for kind of quote mom guilt, which we now know is just not guilt at all.