Dr. Becky Kennedy

So let's say I'm the mom going out to dinner.

I'm on one side of a tennis court.

So I'm on a tennis court at the baseline.

And my kid who's upset that in my family, maybe dad's putting her to bed is on the other side.

Okay.

Now, on my side of the tennis court, my decisions, my values, I know I'm around a lot.

That feels good.

I also know I want to go out to dinner sometimes or go on my work trip.

That's my side of the court.

On my kid's side are my kid's feelings.

My kid's feelings when I go out to dinner are upset, sad.

It's so powerful to almost watch how the sad feelings seem to come out of my child's body on their side of the tennis court.

And come over to my side.

And what I encourage moms to do, and this is important, is actually like put their hands up and to give the feeling back to its rightful owner.

That feeling isn't yours.

And something really interesting happens when you take it.

you then don't actually empathize with your kids' feelings at all.

Because to empathize with someone's feelings, you have to have a boundary and you have to know whose feelings they are.

I actually have to give the feelings back to my daughter in order for me to say, you wish I wasn't going out to dinner.

Now, by the way, Emma, I'm still going out to dinner.