Dr. Becky Kennedy

I can hold that multiplicity.

But as long as I take the feelings into my body and call it guilt, I'm going to say weird things to my daughter.

Like, don't you want me to have friends?

Like, what?

My eight-year-old's like,

Are you really asking me that question?

It's like, all right, can you imagine asking your employee that?

Like, don't you want me to, what?

Like what an, that's a terrifying experience.

Or I don't go to dinner and I tell myself it's because I empathize.

You did not empathize because you did not help your kid feel safe with that feeling.

You just took on the feeling.

And now you're trying to placate that feeling, not because of your kid, but because you took it onto your own body.

It's actually almost like a selfish endeavor.

Yes.

And so that is not mom guilt.

So I think the whole reframe involves, we have to know what our own values are.

And that

might not be the same as someone else in our neighborhood, right?

And then we have to really say this uncomfortable feeling I'm experiencing, is it because I'm acting out of alignment with my values?