Dr. Becky Kennedy

They'd be like, that CEO is effective. And punishments and threats, I actually think we know they don't really work in the workplace or on the sports field anymore. It's just the last place to modernize is parenting.

It's such a good question. So there's a couple things that we need to understand, I think, about development. And I think there's other things we can just reflect on in terms of why do I listen to people? Because when we say kids don't listen, what we really mean is my kid isn't cooperating when I ask them to do something I want them to do and they don't want to do.

It's such a good question. So there's a couple things that we need to understand, I think, about development. And I think there's other things we can just reflect on in terms of why do I listen to people? Because when we say kids don't listen, what we really mean is my kid isn't cooperating when I ask them to do something I want them to do and they don't want to do.

It's such a good question. So there's a couple things that we need to understand, I think, about development. And I think there's other things we can just reflect on in terms of why do I listen to people? Because when we say kids don't listen, what we really mean is my kid isn't cooperating when I ask them to do something I want them to do and they don't want to do.

Because again, if you said to your kid, iPad time for two hours, they all, quote, listen. So that's not really what we're talking about. So number one, in terms of just development, and I think this is one of the core things that drives almost all of our interventions, is that kids are born with all the feelings and all the urges and none of the skills to manage feelings or urges.

Because again, if you said to your kid, iPad time for two hours, they all, quote, listen. So that's not really what we're talking about. So number one, in terms of just development, and I think this is one of the core things that drives almost all of our interventions, is that kids are born with all the feelings and all the urges and none of the skills to manage feelings or urges.

Because again, if you said to your kid, iPad time for two hours, they all, quote, listen. So that's not really what we're talking about. So number one, in terms of just development, and I think this is one of the core things that drives almost all of our interventions, is that kids are born with all the feelings and all the urges and none of the skills to manage feelings or urges.

And that gap between a feeling and an urge and a skill, that gap always explains bad behavior in children or adults. Why do I yell at my husband sometimes? I don't know. I was overwhelmed with my own frustration from the day, and that frustration overpowered my skill in my body to manage the frustration, right?

And that gap between a feeling and an urge and a skill, that gap always explains bad behavior in children or adults. Why do I yell at my husband sometimes? I don't know. I was overwhelmed with my own frustration from the day, and that frustration overpowered my skill in my body to manage the frustration, right?

And that gap between a feeling and an urge and a skill, that gap always explains bad behavior in children or adults. Why do I yell at my husband sometimes? I don't know. I was overwhelmed with my own frustration from the day, and that frustration overpowered my skill in my body to manage the frustration, right?

Why do we sometimes speed our urge to speed, even though we know we're in an area where there's cops around, is greater than our ability to manage it? So The thing about that gap and why it's so helpful is then you can look at your kid's bad behavior through the lens of my kid doesn't have the skills they need. to meet the feelings and urges they have.

Why do we sometimes speed our urge to speed, even though we know we're in an area where there's cops around, is greater than our ability to manage it? So The thing about that gap and why it's so helpful is then you can look at your kid's bad behavior through the lens of my kid doesn't have the skills they need. to meet the feelings and urges they have.

Why do we sometimes speed our urge to speed, even though we know we're in an area where there's cops around, is greater than our ability to manage it? So The thing about that gap and why it's so helpful is then you can look at your kid's bad behavior through the lens of my kid doesn't have the skills they need. to meet the feelings and urges they have.

And then it transpires from there, okay, what do I do with my kid who doesn't know how to swim? I think swimming is a beautiful example because we really understand that it takes a while for kids to learn the skill of swimming. And none of us would pay for a lesson where the teacher goes, go to your room and come back when you can swim. If you can't swim next week, no iPad.

And then it transpires from there, okay, what do I do with my kid who doesn't know how to swim? I think swimming is a beautiful example because we really understand that it takes a while for kids to learn the skill of swimming. And none of us would pay for a lesson where the teacher goes, go to your room and come back when you can swim. If you can't swim next week, no iPad.

And then it transpires from there, okay, what do I do with my kid who doesn't know how to swim? I think swimming is a beautiful example because we really understand that it takes a while for kids to learn the skill of swimming. And none of us would pay for a lesson where the teacher goes, go to your room and come back when you can swim. If you can't swim next week, no iPad.

What's even the theory of why that would work? And at the same time, when you have a good swim lesson, I don't think any of us think the next week our kid is going to swim successfully. And so I think it takes time. Anything worthwhile takes time. I have a kid who's a little more people pleasing and I have another kid who has about 0% people pleasing in him. Their arcs look different.

What's even the theory of why that would work? And at the same time, when you have a good swim lesson, I don't think any of us think the next week our kid is going to swim successfully. And so I think it takes time. Anything worthwhile takes time. I have a kid who's a little more people pleasing and I have another kid who has about 0% people pleasing in him. Their arcs look different.

What's even the theory of why that would work? And at the same time, when you have a good swim lesson, I don't think any of us think the next week our kid is going to swim successfully. And so I think it takes time. Anything worthwhile takes time. I have a kid who's a little more people pleasing and I have another kid who has about 0% people pleasing in him. Their arcs look different.

If I said to that kid, even if I tried, which I don't even recommend to make it about guilt, hey, I'm really sad. He'd be like, why would I care? That does not affect me. But those are just strong-willed kids and their arc, their skills are different. So that's number one. Number two, I think we have to also understand that our kids over time pair their big feelings and urges with our boundaries.