Dr. Becky Kennedy

When you have a teenager, this is the number one thing that can change things around. You know what I'm thinking about? It's hard to be a teen. And I'm definitely not a perfect parent of a teen. I'm sure you have a long list. But for right now, can you name one thing that I could do? That would make me a better parent to you.

And I want to follow this through because what a lot of teens will do or parents will say, my teenager tells me something ridiculous. They'll say, well, you know how you make me charge my phone at 9 or 10 p.m. out of the room? You could let me sleep with my phone, which maybe his parents are like, I'm just not going to do that. Or they'll say, you know what you could do?

And I want to follow this through because what a lot of teens will do or parents will say, my teenager tells me something ridiculous. They'll say, well, you know how you make me charge my phone at 9 or 10 p.m. out of the room? You could let me sleep with my phone, which maybe his parents are like, I'm just not going to do that. Or they'll say, you know what you could do?

And I want to follow this through because what a lot of teens will do or parents will say, my teenager tells me something ridiculous. They'll say, well, you know how you make me charge my phone at 9 or 10 p.m. out of the room? You could let me sleep with my phone, which maybe his parents are like, I'm just not going to do that. Or they'll say, you know what you could do?

You could give me $1,000 every week for an allowance, right? And so parents will say, my kid doesn't take it seriously. This is where, like to me, one of the most important life skills, parenting, management, friendships, it doesn't matter. is differentiating someone's words on the surface from their needs or their feelings or their fears, whatever it is, underneath.

You could give me $1,000 every week for an allowance, right? And so parents will say, my kid doesn't take it seriously. This is where, like to me, one of the most important life skills, parenting, management, friendships, it doesn't matter. is differentiating someone's words on the surface from their needs or their feelings or their fears, whatever it is, underneath.

You could give me $1,000 every week for an allowance, right? And so parents will say, my kid doesn't take it seriously. This is where, like to me, one of the most important life skills, parenting, management, friendships, it doesn't matter. is differentiating someone's words on the surface from their needs or their feelings or their fears, whatever it is, underneath.

And not responding to the words, but kind of cutting under them. Let's even say I can say the phone thing. What would be so great about having your phone? Just help me understand it. I know in my head I'm never going to do it, but... We don't realize just because we're not going to do something someone asks, it doesn't mean we don't owe that person the right to try to understand why they want it.

And not responding to the words, but kind of cutting under them. Let's even say I can say the phone thing. What would be so great about having your phone? Just help me understand it. I know in my head I'm never going to do it, but... We don't realize just because we're not going to do something someone asks, it doesn't mean we don't owe that person the right to try to understand why they want it.

And not responding to the words, but kind of cutting under them. Let's even say I can say the phone thing. What would be so great about having your phone? Just help me understand it. I know in my head I'm never going to do it, but... We don't realize just because we're not going to do something someone asks, it doesn't mean we don't owe that person the right to try to understand why they want it.

Right? So I might just ask questions. It might probably end with, look, I actually hear what you're saying. All of your friends are on Instagram until midnight. It sounds like you legitimately do miss out on conversations. By the time you get to school, you feel out of them. Like, I'm not even joking. I feel like if I was your age, I'd be like, that's like basically the worst thing ever.

Right? So I might just ask questions. It might probably end with, look, I actually hear what you're saying. All of your friends are on Instagram until midnight. It sounds like you legitimately do miss out on conversations. By the time you get to school, you feel out of them. Like, I'm not even joking. I feel like if I was your age, I'd be like, that's like basically the worst thing ever.

Right? So I might just ask questions. It might probably end with, look, I actually hear what you're saying. All of your friends are on Instagram until midnight. It sounds like you legitimately do miss out on conversations. By the time you get to school, you feel out of them. Like, I'm not even joking. I feel like if I was your age, I'd be like, that's like basically the worst thing ever.

I believe you. Having your phone after X time is just one of my non-negotiables. It's actually just because I love you so much that I feel like my job is to protect you. I wonder if there is some other way that we can figure that out. Or my kid says $1,000. I might say, what would you do with $1,000? Oh, you want to go to more concerts. Oh, your friends all get more allowance. Tell me more.

I believe you. Having your phone after X time is just one of my non-negotiables. It's actually just because I love you so much that I feel like my job is to protect you. I wonder if there is some other way that we can figure that out. Or my kid says $1,000. I might say, what would you do with $1,000? Oh, you want to go to more concerts. Oh, your friends all get more allowance. Tell me more.

I believe you. Having your phone after X time is just one of my non-negotiables. It's actually just because I love you so much that I feel like my job is to protect you. I wonder if there is some other way that we can figure that out. Or my kid says $1,000. I might say, what would you do with $1,000? Oh, you want to go to more concerts. Oh, your friends all get more allowance. Tell me more.

No matter what your kid says to you, there's information. So I think feedback is one. I think repair is another way. Repair is the most important relationship strategy to get good at. And I just hope everyone hears the duality in that and realizes what that means. Because if you're going to get good at repair, You have to mess up. The only way to repair is to mess up.

No matter what your kid says to you, there's information. So I think feedback is one. I think repair is another way. Repair is the most important relationship strategy to get good at. And I just hope everyone hears the duality in that and realizes what that means. Because if you're going to get good at repair, You have to mess up. The only way to repair is to mess up.

No matter what your kid says to you, there's information. So I think feedback is one. I think repair is another way. Repair is the most important relationship strategy to get good at. And I just hope everyone hears the duality in that and realizes what that means. Because if you're going to get good at repair, You have to mess up. The only way to repair is to mess up.

And so if I'm telling you, get good at repair, I am telling you, you have to accomplish step one, which is yelling at your kid. You have to. And you're going to do it anyway. I do it. But if you then tell yourself, wait, I'm getting good at repair. Step one is messing up. I crushed it. Amazing. I'm half the way there.