Dr. Becky Kennedy
speaker
3,434 appearances
7 recordings
6 series
first heard Feb 2024
last heard 18 Jun
Dr. Becky Kennedy’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 3 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 2.
Appearances
Oh, it does. I'm going out. It's okay if you're upset. I'll be back and I'll kiss you and I'll see you in the morning. And then this next part is so important. When you walk out, I don't want any person having any illusion that the daughter's going to be like, yes, you go girl. No, she is going to scream. That's okay. Going back to the boundary. You're allowed to take care of your needs.
And other people are allowed to be inconvenienced and upset by it. It doesn't mean your needs are wrong. It doesn't mean their feelings are wrong. And it definitely doesn't mean you feel guilty.
Yeah.
No, I want to. Let's go into this. I have a lot to say.
So here, this is such a beautiful example where I'd ask myself or I'd ask you to ask yourself, okay, I already, you already named one of your values, which is interesting. I really value my relationships. You said that. Okay. That's one value. And I think this is, I'm going to ask this question. Do you value quick responses all the time from you on text message? Is that a value of yours?
From you. Do I value always responding to people on text right away?
Like three-hour-long conversations?
Right.
This is to me, this is such a powerful process. And then after this, I kind of want to link it back to how I've actually told my kids about. why I do go out to dinner with friends, right? So I value deep relationships. I value relationships. I value deep relationship. And if I'm honest with myself, responding to someone right away, that's actually not my value.
But again, we can hold multiple things at once. That doesn't mean I don't care about those people. I just laid out all my values. What I think is so powerful as a not guilt diffuser is naming this directly to the people. So it doesn't have to be on text, but you're seeing person X and you know, I'm never that good. I just want to tell you, I really value our friendship.
I really value these times we have together. Something I just also want to get off my chest is going back and forth quickly on text. That's not something that's easy for me that I do very often. And so you might text me and it might take me a while. And I just wanted to name that to you. Now, look, someone else always has the right to say, well, that's interesting. That doesn't work for me.
One of my top values with friends is someone who's always getting back and forth. To me, that's actually great. Great. Now we know, OK, what are we going to do about that? That's fine. You know where someone stands. And the reason I relate this to the situation with going to dinner is I remember early on. When my daughter said, why do you have to go to dinner with friends? Or why do you and dad?
This is it. Why do you and dad go to dinner without us? I know the couple you're going out with. You both have kids. Why can't you bring us? Right? And this is where we say we feel guilt, but we don't because I'm like, time out. she's feeling this feeling, not me. And also, I don't need her permission or approval. That's the real parentified thing.
We like go to our seven-year-old and we're like, don't you want me to have adult conversations?
Say that.
But you know what it is? It is asking your kid to do your job for you. Again, can you imagine a pilot say, do you think we should make an emergency landing? You'd be, that's how a kid feels when they're asked that. They're like, why are you asking me that? Here's what I said to my daughter in that situation. I really did. I want to tell you something. I love being your mom. I really do.
It's one of the most important things in my life. I also really like being married to dad. And I really like the times we have when it's just us and other adults. That's really important. I remember saying this, maybe I was really trying to double down. We actually, we had that before you guys were here.
And so one of the reasons, I want to be honest with you, why do we go to dinner without you? It's not so much we go to dinner without you. We think of it as going to dinner with each other and just adults. Is that something we really enjoy? It's really important to us. It's a really important part of us. And that's why.
Being really vocal about your values as opposed to looking to your child unconsciously to give you permission to have those values, if you want to use power, that's a power move. And it's amazing. This is true at any time in life. The more you can locate someone, the more you respect their boundaries. I use that word a lot, you know, like locate. I'm sure you know people in your life.
Like, can I locate them? You kind of know who they are. You know what they value and you respect them, right? When you can't locate someone, You feel very uneasy around them. You're kind of like, where are you? Who are you? What do you stand for? And as you can see with my daughter, I wasn't saying something mean. I was saying something true.
Showing 1301–1320 of 3,434 · page 66 of 172
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