Dr. Becky Kennedy

I was going to have a nice night with my kid. I get it. But I'm really driven by impact. And so I actually get this sick joy when my kid is on the verge of a meltdown.

I was going to have a nice night with my kid. I get it. But I'm really driven by impact. And so I actually get this sick joy when my kid is on the verge of a meltdown.

Yes. Especially when I've been working a lot. Because I'm like, if I'm going to spend 20 minutes with my kid, I'm going to make it count. And it's nice if I'm there for a pleasant 20 minutes, of course. But if I want to have impact, I literally can picture my impact on him.

Yes. Especially when I've been working a lot. Because I'm like, if I'm going to spend 20 minutes with my kid, I'm going to make it count. And it's nice if I'm there for a pleasant 20 minutes, of course. But if I want to have impact, I literally can picture my impact on him.

But in a way, I think that's a really important reframe. Especially if you're a parent who travels a lot or you're not around a lot, to be like, wait, I can have impact. It's not easy. It's certainly not convenient. That's the one word parents need to know. Having kids is not fun or convenient in most situations. It's not fun. at all. And this is like your, it's like your Super Bowl right now.

But in a way, I think that's a really important reframe. Especially if you're a parent who travels a lot or you're not around a lot, to be like, wait, I can have impact. It's not easy. It's certainly not convenient. That's the one word parents need to know. Having kids is not fun or convenient in most situations. It's not fun. at all. And this is like your, it's like your Super Bowl right now.

I guess this is your opportunity, you know, because my kid and how I respond to the puzzle is not going to remember anything about the puzzle. Their body, not from that one time, but from patterns is going to be developing expectations around what can I do when things get hard?

I guess this is your opportunity, you know, because my kid and how I respond to the puzzle is not going to remember anything about the puzzle. Their body, not from that one time, but from patterns is going to be developing expectations around what can I do when things get hard?

Yeah, and what should I expect? What is my self-talk? A parent's words become a child's self-talk.

Yeah, and what should I expect? What is my self-talk? A parent's words become a child's self-talk.

Especially when paired with an emotional situation. So when I'm frustrated, did I have someone come? And I always say like frustration is now like super bright. Do I expect someone to come and turn off the light? No frustration. Or do I expect someone to come and by the way they're present with me, they dim, they dim the light. So it's just not so blinding. That's emotion regulation.

Especially when paired with an emotional situation. So when I'm frustrated, did I have someone come? And I always say like frustration is now like super bright. Do I expect someone to come and turn off the light? No frustration. Or do I expect someone to come and by the way they're present with me, they dim, they dim the light. So it's just not so blinding. That's emotion regulation.

Like, that's the best it gets. There are drugs that will do that better for you, but they have, you know, that's not what we recommend for people long term. Like, when we're talking about true emotion regulation, we're talking about a dimmer. Because it's impossible to deal with something when it's a 10 out of 10. Even 9 out of 10 is really hard.

Like, that's the best it gets. There are drugs that will do that better for you, but they have, you know, that's not what we recommend for people long term. Like, when we're talking about true emotion regulation, we're talking about a dimmer. Because it's impossible to deal with something when it's a 10 out of 10. Even 9 out of 10 is really hard.

Once you get to an 8 or a 7, it's not pleasant, it's not convenient, but you... you start to be able to tolerate it. And from there, you can, you know, get maybe to a six or a five. That's the goal for our kid. So I'll model this. My kid is freaking out about the puzzle.

Once you get to an 8 or a 7, it's not pleasant, it's not convenient, but you... you start to be able to tolerate it. And from there, you can, you know, get maybe to a six or a five. That's the goal for our kid. So I'll model this. My kid is freaking out about the puzzle.

Now, to be clear, are there some times that I'd be like, I'm giving myself permission to do the puzzle because I can't deal with this? Of course, I'm a normal human. Everybody has to give that permission to themselves.

Now, to be clear, are there some times that I'd be like, I'm giving myself permission to do the puzzle because I can't deal with this? Of course, I'm a normal human. Everybody has to give that permission to themselves.

Like zero. No, no, no, no. Everyone listening to what I'm saying, don't think like I actually do this all the time.

Like zero. No, no, no, no. Everyone listening to what I'm saying, don't think like I actually do this all the time.