Dr. Becky Kennedy

And I think money makes this more complicated because you can – buy kind of your way out of kids' frustration. You can. So it's almost hard to resist that if that's an option. But every time it was like frustration, success. Frustration, a new option. Frustration, I figured it out because someone else does something for me.

And I think money makes this more complicated because you can – buy kind of your way out of kids' frustration. You can. So it's almost hard to resist that if that's an option. But every time it was like frustration, success. Frustration, a new option. Frustration, I figured it out because someone else does something for me.

Well, when you finally get to the point at 16, if that's your circuit and then you're frustrated because something's surprising, it's not really about first class. Your body actually is like, WTF? Like, I literally was not built to tolerate this. And then it ends up looking awful, but really, it's really vulnerable, right?

Well, when you finally get to the point at 16, if that's your circuit and then you're frustrated because something's surprising, it's not really about first class. Your body actually is like, WTF? Like, I literally was not built to tolerate this. And then it ends up looking awful, but really, it's really vulnerable, right?

Super vulnerable. So I want to give you one more example of resilience. There's three lines I think every parent needs to know. And I honestly can almost reframe that saying I think every person in a relationship needs to know. Whether you're in a romantic relationship, a work relationship, it's the same stuff. Because

Super vulnerable. So I want to give you one more example of resilience. There's three lines I think every parent needs to know. And I honestly can almost reframe that saying I think every person in a relationship needs to know. Whether you're in a romantic relationship, a work relationship, it's the same stuff. Because

Another resilience building moment I can imagine is kind of like what I said to you earlier. Let's say your kid's a little older. I'm the only kid who doesn't know how to read chapter books or I'm the only one of my friends who didn't get into honors math.

Another resilience building moment I can imagine is kind of like what I said to you earlier. Let's say your kid's a little older. I'm the only kid who doesn't know how to read chapter books or I'm the only one of my friends who didn't get into honors math.

Yeah, I'd say that. I'm the only kid who didn't get into honors math. I tried out for the lacrosse team. All my kids, my friends made it.

Yeah, I'd say that. I'm the only kid who didn't get into honors math. I tried out for the lacrosse team. All my kids, my friends made it.

Everyone, me included. Okay. My first instinct is to quote, make my kid feel better. Hmm. oh, you're gonna make it next year. Or you made varsity soccer and none of them made soccer, right? Whatever the thing is. Or we say, you're gonna see it's not a big deal. Okay, so here's the image, I'm big on images.

Everyone, me included. Okay. My first instinct is to quote, make my kid feel better. Hmm. oh, you're gonna make it next year. Or you made varsity soccer and none of them made soccer, right? Whatever the thing is. Or we say, you're gonna see it's not a big deal. Okay, so here's the image, I'm big on images.

We say, right? Yeah. The truth is we kind of say it because we're uncomfortable and we're just kind of making a kid a pawn in our game. But like if you picture your kid on a bench and if you picture like them kind of in a garden, that's what I like to see. That's like the parable for life, the garden. And there's a bench.

We say, right? Yeah. The truth is we kind of say it because we're uncomfortable and we're just kind of making a kid a pawn in our game. But like if you picture your kid on a bench and if you picture like them kind of in a garden, that's what I like to see. That's like the parable for life, the garden. And there's a bench.

And essentially when your kid says, I'm the only one who didn't make the lacrosse team. let's say they're sitting on the bench of, what is it, disappointment, or maybe it's embarrassment, or both, or feeling surprised and let down. I don't know, it's something like that. That's the bench. And as parents, we tend to have two instincts when our kid is on the bench of some type of distress.

And essentially when your kid says, I'm the only one who didn't make the lacrosse team. let's say they're sitting on the bench of, what is it, disappointment, or maybe it's embarrassment, or both, or feeling surprised and let down. I don't know, it's something like that. That's the bench. And as parents, we tend to have two instincts when our kid is on the bench of some type of distress.

We either want to tell them that their bench isn't their bench. That's not a big deal. Even though they're like, but I'm... But that's how I feel. But I'm on it. Or we kind of see a sunnier bench and we're like, just come with me, right? But like, you're the best at, you know, at soccer. And so we're like, right?

We either want to tell them that their bench isn't their bench. That's not a big deal. Even though they're like, but I'm... But that's how I feel. But I'm on it. Or we kind of see a sunnier bench and we're like, just come with me, right? But like, you're the best at, you know, at soccer. And so we're like, right?

And both of those reduce resilience because resilience is kind of like your ability in that garden of life to like whatever bench you find yourself on, you're able to sit in it, not drown in it, but sit in it. Like, cause when you're there, you inevitably will be like, you're not terrified it. You're not spending all your energy, like running away from a bench.

And both of those reduce resilience because resilience is kind of like your ability in that garden of life to like whatever bench you find yourself on, you're able to sit in it, not drown in it, but sit in it. Like, cause when you're there, you inevitably will be like, you're not terrified it. You're not spending all your energy, like running away from a bench.