Dr. Caroline Fleck

Yeah, sure. Guilt, shame, devastation, disappointment. And then I repeat whatever that emotion, I copy it. I keep repeating it. This is shame. This is shame. And as I'm repeating it, I'm trying to feel it in my body. Where is it? Is it in my chest? Is it behind my eyes? Try and feel it as intensely as you can without reliving it.

Yeah, sure. Guilt, shame, devastation, disappointment. And then I repeat whatever that emotion, I copy it. I keep repeating it. This is shame. This is shame. And as I'm repeating it, I'm trying to feel it in my body. Where is it? Is it in my chest? Is it behind my eyes? Try and feel it as intensely as you can without reliving it.

the evening or replaying it in my head or all the reasons why i'm a failure as a mom or i've screwed up my kid i'm never going to be able to repair this relationship here i am now prioritizing my career all these things that want to like fight their way in to feed and stoke that shame i'm just putting them over here and i'm just my mantra is this is shame this is shame feel it this is shame feel it

the evening or replaying it in my head or all the reasons why i'm a failure as a mom or i've screwed up my kid i'm never going to be able to repair this relationship here i am now prioritizing my career all these things that want to like fight their way in to feed and stoke that shame i'm just putting them over here and i'm just my mantra is this is shame this is shame feel it this is shame feel it

And it goes up and it does come down. And once it comes down, I need to look for the kernel of truth in that shame. Where is it coming from? Why am I feeling this way? Well, of course I'm feeling shame. I'm not being the type of parent I want to be. That makes sense. There's a lot of societal expectations around being a mother and a working mother, what that's supposed to look like.

And it goes up and it does come down. And once it comes down, I need to look for the kernel of truth in that shame. Where is it coming from? Why am I feeling this way? Well, of course I'm feeling shame. I'm not being the type of parent I want to be. That makes sense. There's a lot of societal expectations around being a mother and a working mother, what that's supposed to look like.

And I don't feel like I'm measuring up. That shame makes sense. Okay. I get where that's coming from. If I were to look at this from the outside and see a friend in this position, I wouldn't think they were a bad person. I would have empathy for them. So I do this kind of understanding, kind of looking for the validity in the emotion if it's there.

And I don't feel like I'm measuring up. That shame makes sense. Okay. I get where that's coming from. If I were to look at this from the outside and see a friend in this position, I wouldn't think they were a bad person. I would have empathy for them. So I do this kind of understanding, kind of looking for the validity in the emotion if it's there.

At the same time, maybe challenging it if it's not serving me. And then the most important things I do are kind of the last two steps. The first is to take action in some way to self-soothe.

At the same time, maybe challenging it if it's not serving me. And then the most important things I do are kind of the last two steps. The first is to take action in some way to self-soothe.

hmm okay so i'm usually lying in bed when i do this well do like um soft touch so rubbing your shoulder hand on the tummy whatever it may be um and then you got to pay that forward you got to do something with that negative energy so if i'm if it's during the day i would go and i've done all sorts of wild things to like you know Everything from working out to fostering kittens, right?

hmm okay so i'm usually lying in bed when i do this well do like um soft touch so rubbing your shoulder hand on the tummy whatever it may be um and then you got to pay that forward you got to do something with that negative energy so if i'm if it's during the day i would go and i've done all sorts of wild things to like you know Everything from working out to fostering kittens, right?

Trying to just do something I wouldn't have done that day were it not for this suffering.

Trying to just do something I wouldn't have done that day were it not for this suffering.

And last night it was just a loving kindness meditation. So I thought about all the mothers out there who had had cancer and who were also struggling and just like, you know, imagined like, let me take that on. And like, let me just imagine them being more at peace.

And last night it was just a loving kindness meditation. So I thought about all the mothers out there who had had cancer and who were also struggling and just like, you know, imagined like, let me take that on. And like, let me just imagine them being more at peace.

And that's it. But so that's like, that's a, it sounds really, yeah, it sounds kind of exhaustive, but like, it's, oh, it's so soothing.

And that's it. But so that's like, that's a, it sounds really, yeah, it sounds kind of exhaustive, but like, it's, oh, it's so soothing.

Yeah.

Yeah.