Dr. Caroline Fleck

It's such a good point, right? Like there doesn't have to be this stopwatch.

It's such a good point, right? Like there doesn't have to be this stopwatch.

It was so validating. That was like really good proposing.

It was so validating. That was like really good proposing.

I felt that.

I felt that.

Nobody else sees it. Like, why doesn't anyone else see it? Like, you're not the same person. You're a different person, but you're not the same person.

Nobody else sees it. Like, why doesn't anyone else see it? Like, you're not the same person. You're a different person, but you're not the same person.

Yeah. But you know what's so fascinating? Despite having written this book and knowing all this stuff, there have been times when my inclination has been to say like, no, honey, I am the same person. Okay. I love you just as much as I did before. And that is invalidation.

Yeah. But you know what's so fascinating? Despite having written this book and knowing all this stuff, there have been times when my inclination has been to say like, no, honey, I am the same person. Okay. I love you just as much as I did before. And that is invalidation.

I love her more. Right. But me saying no, nothing has changed. I'm invalid. I'm dismissing her emotions.

I love her more. Right. But me saying no, nothing has changed. I'm invalid. I'm dismissing her emotions.

And I have done that. And then I have followed up the next day to say last night when you said this to me, my knee jerk response was I haven't changed. And that is not fair to you. And I said that you must feel like you're grieving a parent that's still alive. That is some heavy stuff.

And I have done that. And then I have followed up the next day to say last night when you said this to me, my knee jerk response was I haven't changed. And that is not fair to you. And I said that you must feel like you're grieving a parent that's still alive. That is some heavy stuff.

And I don't know how you're dealing with it. Mm-hmm. So you can screw it up in the moment, as I have and every single parent will. Yeah. But you also have those opportunities to circle back.

And I don't know how you're dealing with it. Mm-hmm. So you can screw it up in the moment, as I have and every single parent will. Yeah. But you also have those opportunities to circle back.

That's right. Because that's what I want her to do as an adult. I want her to circle back with people when she realizes, ooh, that was invalidating or that was unkind. The only way kids can figure that stuff out really is through modeling, by seeing it. That's it.

That's right. Because that's what I want her to do as an adult. I want her to circle back with people when she realizes, ooh, that was invalidating or that was unkind. The only way kids can figure that stuff out really is through modeling, by seeing it. That's it.

Well, the two are not mutually exclusive in the sense that people are more easily influenced by those that they trust. Okay. That is just a fact. If you trust that I understand what it takes to run this podcast and I'm the best podcaster in the business, you're going to trust my suggestions. You're going to be more likely to be influenced by me. Okay. So those two things kind of do go together.

Well, the two are not mutually exclusive in the sense that people are more easily influenced by those that they trust. Okay. That is just a fact. If you trust that I understand what it takes to run this podcast and I'm the best podcaster in the business, you're going to trust my suggestions. You're going to be more likely to be influenced by me. Okay. So those two things kind of do go together.