Dr. Caroline Fleck

Yes, that's exactly right. I actually think of... An example of validation came from my daughter. So if she's wanting to use, so she wants a smartphone, all right? She's 11, and I'm a psychologist, so she's not getting a smartphone right now. If she was to come at me as she does and says, all my friends have smartphones, it's so unfair, you don't get it.

All these kind of common arguments that I've heard from her over and over. I'm not really... She's not going to change my opinion. However, if she came to me and said, I understand your concerns. In fact, I read this study and this study and this study, which says that these are the effects of smartphones on kids. And I totally understand that you as a parent are in a really hard place here.

All these kind of common arguments that I've heard from her over and over. I'm not really... She's not going to change my opinion. However, if she came to me and said, I understand your concerns. In fact, I read this study and this study and this study, which says that these are the effects of smartphones on kids. And I totally understand that you as a parent are in a really hard place here.

All these kind of common arguments that I've heard from her over and over. I'm not really... She's not going to change my opinion. However, if she came to me and said, I understand your concerns. In fact, I read this study and this study and this study, which says that these are the effects of smartphones on kids. And I totally understand that you as a parent are in a really hard place here.

You're trying to protect me from these negative outcomes, and you have to deal with me pushing for them. I totally get that. So here's what I'm going to propose. I think these are valid concerns. So if I get a phone, which would be a huge, you know, extension of trust from you.

You're trying to protect me from these negative outcomes, and you have to deal with me pushing for them. I totally get that. So here's what I'm going to propose. I think these are valid concerns. So if I get a phone, which would be a huge, you know, extension of trust from you.

You're trying to protect me from these negative outcomes, and you have to deal with me pushing for them. I totally get that. So here's what I'm going to propose. I think these are valid concerns. So if I get a phone, which would be a huge, you know, extension of trust from you.

Yeah, I know, I know, right? And it's not happening.

Yeah, I know, I know, right? And it's not happening.

Yeah, I know, I know, right? And it's not happening.

It is, it is, but you can imagine how, In that situation, her validating me actually goes so much further. Like I'm getting persuaded as she's talking. So in making my arguments for me, I am that much more, I'm like, okay, she sees the validity in my perspective. She gets it, she understands, she takes this seriously.

It is, it is, but you can imagine how, In that situation, her validating me actually goes so much further. Like I'm getting persuaded as she's talking. So in making my arguments for me, I am that much more, I'm like, okay, she sees the validity in my perspective. She gets it, she understands, she takes this seriously.

It is, it is, but you can imagine how, In that situation, her validating me actually goes so much further. Like I'm getting persuaded as she's talking. So in making my arguments for me, I am that much more, I'm like, okay, she sees the validity in my perspective. She gets it, she understands, she takes this seriously.

And when I feel that, I am much more receptive to the other person's perspective. Okay. I use that example because I think we always think about it in reverse. Like, how do I, you know, get the kid not to?

And when I feel that, I am much more receptive to the other person's perspective. Okay. I use that example because I think we always think about it in reverse. Like, how do I, you know, get the kid not to?

And when I feel that, I am much more receptive to the other person's perspective. Okay. I use that example because I think we always think about it in reverse. Like, how do I, you know, get the kid not to?

When in fact, we are all susceptible to these forces and that feeling of acceptance and feeling seen and feeling understood, that really makes us much more receptive to listening to the person across from us.

When in fact, we are all susceptible to these forces and that feeling of acceptance and feeling seen and feeling understood, that really makes us much more receptive to listening to the person across from us.

When in fact, we are all susceptible to these forces and that feeling of acceptance and feeling seen and feeling understood, that really makes us much more receptive to listening to the person across from us.

Yeah, it can be used to influence behavior. It can be used to reinforce behavioral changes. Another thing that's really controversial. Whenever I talk about that, people are like, that is so manipulative, that's so exploitative, you know, that you would actually use validation as reinforcement. In my experience, it is none of those things. It's very positive. I want people to validate me more.