Dr. Caroline Fleck

It is mindfulness. So these are two mindfulness skills. And so in these moments, I am really focusing on the other person, almost like that's the breath, right? Or that's the point of focus, is this other person. It's non-judgmental. That's the whole, like, what's their point and how could I improve upon it? Like, how could I sharpen it? I'm not judging the point. I'm not thinking of my rebuttal.

It is mindfulness. So these are two mindfulness skills. And so in these moments, I am really focusing on the other person, almost like that's the breath, right? Or that's the point of focus, is this other person. It's non-judgmental. That's the whole, like, what's their point and how could I improve upon it? Like, how could I sharpen it? I'm not judging the point. I'm not thinking of my rebuttal.

It is mindfulness. So these are two mindfulness skills. And so in these moments, I am really focusing on the other person, almost like that's the breath, right? Or that's the point of focus, is this other person. It's non-judgmental. That's the whole, like, what's their point and how could I improve upon it? Like, how could I sharpen it? I'm not judging the point. I'm not thinking of my rebuttal.

I'm not in my head thinking, what a jerk. Oh my gosh, what's this guy's problem? What's he trying to prove? If my mind is chewed up, like chewing on all that, I can't actually be nonjudgmental, much less like validate them.

I'm not in my head thinking, what a jerk. Oh my gosh, what's this guy's problem? What's he trying to prove? If my mind is chewed up, like chewing on all that, I can't actually be nonjudgmental, much less like validate them.

I'm not in my head thinking, what a jerk. Oh my gosh, what's this guy's problem? What's he trying to prove? If my mind is chewed up, like chewing on all that, I can't actually be nonjudgmental, much less like validate them.

Right.

Right.

Right.

So I'm going to say something a little controversial, which is that I think, I believe validation is more important than love in some sense. It is certainly as important. It's a conduit. So if you don't feel accepted or seen by your partner, what does it mean to feel loved by them? Like you can't really feel loved from someone that doesn't know you.

So I'm going to say something a little controversial, which is that I think, I believe validation is more important than love in some sense. It is certainly as important. It's a conduit. So if you don't feel accepted or seen by your partner, what does it mean to feel loved by them? Like you can't really feel loved from someone that doesn't know you.

So I'm going to say something a little controversial, which is that I think, I believe validation is more important than love in some sense. It is certainly as important. It's a conduit. So if you don't feel accepted or seen by your partner, what does it mean to feel loved by them? Like you can't really feel loved from someone that doesn't know you.

And I think that's why a lot of us end up in relationships that feel empty in ways we can't quite put our finger on. And often it's because we haven't been vulnerable, we haven't risked, or they haven't been vulnerable, or worse yet, we've been vulnerable and they responded kind of negatively to it. They didn't engage, they shut down, or in the worst situations, they were critical.

And I think that's why a lot of us end up in relationships that feel empty in ways we can't quite put our finger on. And often it's because we haven't been vulnerable, we haven't risked, or they haven't been vulnerable, or worse yet, we've been vulnerable and they responded kind of negatively to it. They didn't engage, they shut down, or in the worst situations, they were critical.

And I think that's why a lot of us end up in relationships that feel empty in ways we can't quite put our finger on. And often it's because we haven't been vulnerable, we haven't risked, or they haven't been vulnerable, or worse yet, we've been vulnerable and they responded kind of negatively to it. They didn't engage, they shut down, or in the worst situations, they were critical.

Okay, boom, learn not to do that again. And I really like this person, so I'm not going to do that again. So in romantic relationships, if validation isn't communicated frequently and regularly, it's really hard to feel a sense of deep intimacy or love. It's just what is it based on, if that makes sense.

Okay, boom, learn not to do that again. And I really like this person, so I'm not going to do that again. So in romantic relationships, if validation isn't communicated frequently and regularly, it's really hard to feel a sense of deep intimacy or love. It's just what is it based on, if that makes sense.

Okay, boom, learn not to do that again. And I really like this person, so I'm not going to do that again. So in romantic relationships, if validation isn't communicated frequently and regularly, it's really hard to feel a sense of deep intimacy or love. It's just what is it based on, if that makes sense.

Yeah. So when, and I work a lot with couples, but, and we'll do these assessments when they come in, you know, to kind of gauge the strength of the relationship. And one thing we ask about is kind of loneliness. Do you feel lonely in this relationship?

Yeah. So when, and I work a lot with couples, but, and we'll do these assessments when they come in, you know, to kind of gauge the strength of the relationship. And one thing we ask about is kind of loneliness. Do you feel lonely in this relationship?