Dr. Caroline Fleck

Proposing is when, you know, I was playing that little game in my head earlier where I'm trying to figure out like, you know, what are you thinking? Why does this matter to you? I don't actually communicate any of that. This is all just in my head to keep me engaged. But if I come up with some stuff, I can throw it out there and see what sticks. I can propose something you haven't said. All right.

Proposing is when, you know, I was playing that little game in my head earlier where I'm trying to figure out like, you know, what are you thinking? Why does this matter to you? I don't actually communicate any of that. This is all just in my head to keep me engaged. But if I come up with some stuff, I can throw it out there and see what sticks. I can propose something you haven't said. All right.

It's also known as like mind reading.

It's also known as like mind reading.

You know, a great example was actually an interview with Oprah and Meghan Markle. And Meghan Markle is describing this life of being in front of the paparazzi and feeling like she couldn't be her true self. And then she's obviously kind of pained and shamed about having not stood up for herself. And she looks at Oprah and she says, I just, I was silent throughout this experience.

You know, a great example was actually an interview with Oprah and Meghan Markle. And Meghan Markle is describing this life of being in front of the paparazzi and feeling like she couldn't be her true self. And then she's obviously kind of pained and shamed about having not stood up for herself. And she looks at Oprah and she says, I just, I was silent throughout this experience.

I just, I was just silent. And then Oprah being Oprah says, were you silent or were you silenced? Oprah effect. Right? That's proposing. That's articulating something the person hasn't said. And if you're really good, if you really nail it, perhaps you facilitate an insight that they didn't even have.

I just, I was just silent. And then Oprah being Oprah says, were you silent or were you silenced? Oprah effect. Right? That's proposing. That's articulating something the person hasn't said. And if you're really good, if you really nail it, perhaps you facilitate an insight that they didn't even have.

So this is such a critical point. I'm glad you dialed in on that because I can't emphasize enough. These are skills. All right. And to develop any skill, you've got to strike out. Right. Usually you if it's a skill for like a sport or something, you're getting coaching on the side. As therapists, I'm getting a lot of coaching on the side.

So this is such a critical point. I'm glad you dialed in on that because I can't emphasize enough. These are skills. All right. And to develop any skill, you've got to strike out. Right. Usually you if it's a skill for like a sport or something, you're getting coaching on the side. As therapists, I'm getting a lot of coaching on the side.

And you're just taking that feedback in to sharpen those skills. But with this stuff, we tend to really internalize the feedback. And get shut down or feel rejected or like, oh God, I'm just going to make things worse. And that is a mistake. You have to look at these things as skills that you develop. And you're right. You strike out, you get some feedback.

And you're just taking that feedback in to sharpen those skills. But with this stuff, we tend to really internalize the feedback. And get shut down or feel rejected or like, oh God, I'm just going to make things worse. And that is a mistake. You have to look at these things as skills that you develop. And you're right. You strike out, you get some feedback.

Oprah strikes out all the freaking time. It's amazing. Like go watch these and she's throw things out. And it's just like, no, I wasn't scared. I was humiliated, you know? And she's like humiliated. She goes back down the ladder, copying humiliated. Hmm. What was humiliating about it? Attending. She gets more information. She gets more than she tries again. It doesn't stick.

Oprah strikes out all the freaking time. It's amazing. Like go watch these and she's throw things out. And it's just like, no, I wasn't scared. I was humiliated, you know? And she's like humiliated. She goes back down the ladder, copying humiliated. Hmm. What was humiliating about it? Attending. She gets more information. She gets more than she tries again. It doesn't stick.

She drops down that ladder, starts back with just being mindful and then tries again.

She drops down that ladder, starts back with just being mindful and then tries again.

You're trying to show that you understand. That's right.

You're trying to show that you understand. That's right.

Yeah. Great example.

Yeah. Great example.