Dr. Darby Saxbe

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745 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Jul 2026 last heard 27 Jul

Dr. Darby Saxbe’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Jul 2026 with 1.

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Modern Wisdom · The Painful Psychological Cost Of Becoming A Dad - Darby Saxbe - #1129 · 27 Jul 2026 podcast

But I think it's interesting that we are so contagious and we soak up the emotional experiences of people around us.

So I think they need to learn how to communicate effectively and listen to each other.

I think a lot of the time women hear each other's birth stories just like you're at a picnic and everybody's telling you the gnarly story of their third baby's birth that got really complicated.

Men don't necessarily get the opportunity to hear about different kinds of birth experiences or watch media that portrays birth in realistic ways because our pop culture conceptions are sort of bananas.

So I think birth education that involves fathers can be really valuable to normalize what to expect, what is the progress of labor going to be like, and how can you effectively provide support and be a calming influence.

Why?

Yeah, so the studies show a reliable drop in relationship satisfaction around the birth of a baby.

And it's unsurprising if you think about the challenges of adjusting to life with a new baby.

I used to joke that my husband and I went from good time pals to we're suddenly operating a small business with a very disappointed customer.

You have someone crying around the clock who is not pleased with anything you're doing to comfort them.

Your sleep is disrupted and you're suddenly worrying about money and your living arrangements and all of these new concerns that maybe you didn't have.

Yeah, exactly.

So why is it that you need to actually spend time parenting?

Yeah.

Because it takes practice and repetition to build the brain, just like anything you learn, whether you're learning an instrument or a new language or, you know, you're a London taxi driver navigating the city.

So I think with moms, you have this kind of high floor of investment primed and ready to go.

And partially that's because

It takes so much energy to incubate a pregnancy.

It's thousands of calories.

So moms have already devoted a lot of energetic resources to babies before they even arrive.

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