Dr. Emily Morse
speaker
388 appearances
3 recordings
3 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard 17 Feb
Dr. Emily Morse’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Feb 2026 with 1.
Appearances
The first thing is not expecting that your desire is going to be spontaneous like it was in the beginning of the relationship. So there's different kinds of desire. There's spontaneous and there is responsive. And so we, most of us are stuck in this, like I should be hit over my head.
I should want to rip my partner's clothes off or they see me in the room and they want it all the time and I don't. So I'm, therefore I'm broken, but I want to normalize responsive desire. So spontaneous, we all know. I see my partner, I'm turned on. I get a certain touch. I see something.
Again, a lot of us live in the state of when we are the honeymoon phase of our relationship, when we do have that spontaneous all the time, it's on. That is a state of time, a limited period of time. That's usually about six months, to two years. And that's because all those feel good hormones, you know, it's like any drug, what comes up is going to come down and we might not have that anymore.
So then we have to know the responsive desire is more about knowing when I talked about the self-knowledge pillar, what is going to stoke your desire? It could be so many different things. It could be I had a great date night with my partner. We had a wonderful conversation. The house is clean. I exercised today. I was able to manage my stress. I did some breath work. Or I'm on my cycle.
Yeah, I'm on my cycle. I ate certain foods. I'm in a mood. I mean, really just kind of normalizing. Like there are certain knowing your body and knowing when you're going to be more in the mood and when you're not. I mean, there have been studies that show that women actually are more aroused in late afternoon. a lot of times sex isn't happening that way.
And then there's a lot of pressure, especially on women to have sex. And this, again, I don't even, I try not to use genders that much, even when my work, because I found that it's just, it's just like men, women, we all, whatever your gender is, we all experience all these different things. But if, if, For a lot of women, there's like a pressure that I got to be turned on at night.
And even my last partner, I was like, babe, Monday night's 10 o'clock. Like it's never, if it's after 10 o'clock, it's probably not going to happen on most nights of the week. I want to get in bed at nine. Like, let's find the times that it does work.
So the first thing is normalizing desire and understanding that you, so we might respond to, again, conversations, date night connections, certain things with our partners. The other thing is knowing that like you can schedule sex. People think that is the least sexy thing ever. Like you don't want to look at your calendar and be like, pick up the kids, go to, you know, go to work, have sex.
But when we don't schedule it, it's a way of saying like sex is important to us. We're going to prioritize it. And this way, you know, okay. Saturday night is our sex night. And so I don't have to actually be thinking about it on Wednesday or Thursday or Friday, but when it's Saturday, then I have self-knowledge that I'm gonna be thinking about it.
So I'm gonna have that kind of like, sometimes when our brain gets on board for sex, our body's more likely to follow. So on these other times, maybe we're not on board, but if we know, like I have to respond to it. So I'm thinking about sex. I'm setting up the environment that's gonna be most conducive to me wanting to have sex. That's another way that couples can stoke it.
And then also we thrive with,
curiosity and with spontaneity and with variety change and so what can we do that's different what is there a different position a different location is there again this is not the only solutions but like a new lubricant a toy a conversation and for so long again I talked earlier about the techniques that people like give me a quick technique and I'm not going to tell you like buy this vibrator your sex life is going to change however when we're talking about this one part of it
it might help you be more aroused. If there's something new, it could be anything like just, and even it could just be like a really sexy conversation about it.
It's a huge part of it is, is creating a space that is conducive to sex. So, I love thinking about the senses. Like I always have this vanilla candle that I light. I have a lot of soft, fuzzy things in my room. I have great lighting. I have my favorite playlist.
And so anytime you think about all the senses that are like signaling sex or making you feel, you know, more turned on, it's so important. Even with a partner having a ritual, like again, I found that for so many women, sometimes sex gets going and it moves a lot faster than they want. And so it's like, I,
We, you know, I always talk about foreplay and I don't even love the word foreplay because it centers sex on penetration and penetration is not the magic for the majority of women. But even that, like, it's not just like a light suggestion. It's actually a requirement. So for couples to have like a ritual to have like with, you know, partners, I think like let's breathe together for a minute.
Let's hold hands. Let's look into each other's eyes. Let's make sure the room is set up. So it's all of that. It's, it's really engaging the senses and being intentional and, and setting yourself up so you're actually ready rather than feeling like you sort of fell into the sex and you weren't ready for it and it doesn't feel, yeah, intentional.
Absolutely. That's the thing. Like a lot of women who have been assaulted can actually like have fantasies that are working that into it. Role playing out something that might've been such a traumatic event in their life and then flipping it into, you know, more of erotic sensual play.
Yeah. That's it. Having agency and power.
Yeah. I would say first, you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. And again, we center sex so much on penetration. This goes back to like cultural conditioning and religion and all the things. We should only be having sex to make a baby. However, the majority of women are not going to have an orgasm through penetration.
Showing 221–240 of 388 · page 12 of 20
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