Dr. Lindsay Gibson

If they would only say, tell me what you mean by that. That could do it right there. It would be the curiosity and the caring about what their child was expressing. Like just imagining that that might be that other person's truth. Like if you had a friend that came to you and said, you know, you really hurt me. You wouldn't say, hurt you? What about me? You would probably say, what do you mean?

Or tell me what happened. You would be curious and you would want to know because... you have enough of a sense of self and enough confidence in your ability to deal with emotional issues that you could afford to ask that person to explain it to you because you'd have a little bit of hope that maybe you could work it out.

Or tell me what happened. You would be curious and you would want to know because... you have enough of a sense of self and enough confidence in your ability to deal with emotional issues that you could afford to ask that person to explain it to you because you'd have a little bit of hope that maybe you could work it out.

And emotionally immature people just shut the door on that because they know they don't handle emotional things very well. And their best defense is just to not get into it at all and to point the finger back at you. So anytime somebody...

And emotionally immature people just shut the door on that because they know they don't handle emotional things very well. And their best defense is just to not get into it at all and to point the finger back at you. So anytime somebody...

shows some capacity for self-reflection and a willingness to look at their part in things, you know, now you're out of the realm of emotional immaturity and you're back on track to have a more grown-up and emotionally real kind of relationship. But you've got to have that capacity for self-reflection, which most emotionally immature people really don't have. So if somebody...

shows some capacity for self-reflection and a willingness to look at their part in things, you know, now you're out of the realm of emotional immaturity and you're back on track to have a more grown-up and emotionally real kind of relationship. But you've got to have that capacity for self-reflection, which most emotionally immature people really don't have. So if somebody...

Yeah, that is something that... Well, from my standpoint, I start thinking about whether or not it's good for them to have contact with their parent when they start having physical or emotional problems directly associated with their contact with their parents. Say a woman who had very demanding, very egocentric, emotionally immature parents.

Yeah, that is something that... Well, from my standpoint, I start thinking about whether or not it's good for them to have contact with their parent when they start having physical or emotional problems directly associated with their contact with their parents. Say a woman who had very demanding, very egocentric, emotionally immature parents.

And they expected her to, you know, come at the drop of a hat, help them out, do something for them, attend something. I mean, they were as needy as her own children and also entitled. So she was exhausted.

And they expected her to, you know, come at the drop of a hat, help them out, do something for them, attend something. I mean, they were as needy as her own children and also entitled. So she was exhausted.

Because when they pulled her into these interactions or things they wanted her to do for them, there was no exchange of energy like, she does it, they're grateful, she feels good about doing a good deed. Not at all. It's like, she didn't do it well enough. They need more. And she's a bad person because she's trying to set a boundary. And so it's...

Because when they pulled her into these interactions or things they wanted her to do for them, there was no exchange of energy like, she does it, they're grateful, she feels good about doing a good deed. Not at all. It's like, she didn't do it well enough. They need more. And she's a bad person because she's trying to set a boundary. And so it's...

always exhausting, it's always frustrating, and you never feel like you're doing enough. This woman that I'm thinking about, she was developing stress-related physical symptoms. It was like, okay, let's talk about the effect on your health. So, then you may bring up to the person, do you want to keep visiting them? Do you want to keep going over there?

always exhausting, it's always frustrating, and you never feel like you're doing enough. This woman that I'm thinking about, she was developing stress-related physical symptoms. It was like, okay, let's talk about the effect on your health. So, then you may bring up to the person, do you want to keep visiting them? Do you want to keep going over there?

And lots of times, that's the first time that thought's ever crossed their mind.

And lots of times, that's the first time that thought's ever crossed their mind.

No, they really didn't. And so when they begin to get that idea, it begins to expose this whole arrangement that is implicit in the relationship, which is the parent gets to do whatever the heck they want, and that adult child is supposed to go along with it, or they're being a bad child. There's a moral obligation there.

No, they really didn't. And so when they begin to get that idea, it begins to expose this whole arrangement that is implicit in the relationship, which is the parent gets to do whatever the heck they want, and that adult child is supposed to go along with it, or they're being a bad child. There's a moral obligation there.

That is not only implied, but explicitly stated that if I have a need, you should be there because you're my kid. I'm trying to get them to feel the cost of it to them, which oftentimes they have completely tuned out because they don't want to be a bad person.