Dr. Lindsay Gibson

That is not only implied, but explicitly stated that if I have a need, you should be there because you're my kid. I'm trying to get them to feel the cost of it to them, which oftentimes they have completely tuned out because they don't want to be a bad person.

Big topic. I think the book's ongoing popularity has been due to the fact that it said something about the cultural stereotype that we've had about parents for eons. Yeah. that all parents love their children. All parents only want the best for their children. All parents put their children first. Children can depend on their parents to be there for them when no one else is.

Big topic. I think the book's ongoing popularity has been due to the fact that it said something about the cultural stereotype that we've had about parents for eons. Yeah. that all parents love their children. All parents only want the best for their children. All parents put their children first. Children can depend on their parents to be there for them when no one else is.

And I think people's actual experience many times with their parents, but with anybody in their life, is that these experiences stereotypes and these tropes don't match up with their emotional experience. And when there's, unfortunately, when there's a mismatch between a stereotype and what you're feeling inside,

And I think people's actual experience many times with their parents, but with anybody in their life, is that these experiences stereotypes and these tropes don't match up with their emotional experience. And when there's, unfortunately, when there's a mismatch between a stereotype and what you're feeling inside,

Our typical response is to feel like we're off, that there's something that we're missing, that we're not doing right. Because how could I be having this feeling toward my parent when I know that they only want the best for me? Or I know, quote unquote, they really love me and they end up blaming themselves.

Our typical response is to feel like we're off, that there's something that we're missing, that we're not doing right. Because how could I be having this feeling toward my parent when I know that they only want the best for me? Or I know, quote unquote, they really love me and they end up blaming themselves.

Absolutely, I think it's a danger. It's like, that is the problem with the categorizing part of our mind, period. Once we call something something, we think we know all about it.

Absolutely, I think it's a danger. It's like, that is the problem with the categorizing part of our mind, period. Once we call something something, we think we know all about it.

That's because it's using the part of the brain that tends to be convinced that once it gets a name for something, it knows all there is to know about it, and it has no interest whatsoever in going back and adjusting its beliefs. Okay? So that's a real danger with anything.

That's because it's using the part of the brain that tends to be convinced that once it gets a name for something, it knows all there is to know about it, and it has no interest whatsoever in going back and adjusting its beliefs. Okay? So that's a real danger with anything.

On the other hand, though, if you think about in medicine, sometimes when you reduce and isolate out the operative factors, the most important factors, it gives you a way to not only recognize it but to control it. and to do something about it, to name it, to respond differently to it.

On the other hand, though, if you think about in medicine, sometimes when you reduce and isolate out the operative factors, the most important factors, it gives you a way to not only recognize it but to control it. and to do something about it, to name it, to respond differently to it.

So it's a very valid point, David, but it is a point that is... You could say it about anything where you have an effective categorization that it oversimplifies and it leads to, you know, stereotyped or black-and-white conclusions that are not helpful.

So it's a very valid point, David, but it is a point that is... You could say it about anything where you have an effective categorization that it oversimplifies and it leads to, you know, stereotyped or black-and-white conclusions that are not helpful.

I've just tried to moderate that by helping people see more of the big picture about why these people became emotionally immature, what they're trying to do with that kind of behavior and then what you can do about it.

I've just tried to moderate that by helping people see more of the big picture about why these people became emotionally immature, what they're trying to do with that kind of behavior and then what you can do about it.

Yeah, for emotionally immature people, your compassion will be weaponized because their egocentrism makes them determined to be the innocent party, for them to be the victim, and for you to put aside your needs in order to meet theirs. That's the deal.

Yeah, for emotionally immature people, your compassion will be weaponized because their egocentrism makes them determined to be the innocent party, for them to be the victim, and for you to put aside your needs in order to meet theirs. That's the deal.

The emotionally immature person will always frame a situation that you are not being sympathetic enough, compassionate enough, seeing it from their point of view, being sensitive enough. So, when I'm working with people who've been raised by people like this, I am always very careful