Dr. Lindsay Gibson

The emotionally immature person will always frame a situation that you are not being sympathetic enough, compassionate enough, seeing it from their point of view, being sensitive enough. So, when I'm working with people who've been raised by people like this, I am always very careful

about pushing for any kind of compassion, forgiveness, any of those things that say, well, even though you have treated me badly, even though you have invalidated me and made me feel bad about myself, even though you have tried to control me and manipulate my emotions, I'm going to be empathic and feel for you. I don't think that's a moral high ground.

about pushing for any kind of compassion, forgiveness, any of those things that say, well, even though you have treated me badly, even though you have invalidated me and made me feel bad about myself, even though you have tried to control me and manipulate my emotions, I'm going to be empathic and feel for you. I don't think that's a moral high ground.

Now, I know that there was a period in sort of the psychotherapy world where I think it was mostly dealing with narcissists. This is years and years ago. You were kind of supposed to have compassion for what the narcissism was about, that it was a reaction to poor sense of self, tremendous shame.

Now, I know that there was a period in sort of the psychotherapy world where I think it was mostly dealing with narcissists. This is years and years ago. You were kind of supposed to have compassion for what the narcissism was about, that it was a reaction to poor sense of self, tremendous shame.

And if you could understand that, you could sort of reframe that to yourself so that you didn't get defensive and so you could manage them better. But my goodness, it's like, is that really what you want to be spending your energy on? So when somebody expects that we should have compassion for them,

And if you could understand that, you could sort of reframe that to yourself so that you didn't get defensive and so you could manage them better. But my goodness, it's like, is that really what you want to be spending your energy on? So when somebody expects that we should have compassion for them,

I don't support that with people because I think it's not good for them to continue to frame it that way. You don't have to hate and revile the person. I mean, I certainly agree with that. But I'm after neutrality. I mean, after getting along in the best way you can with a difficult person, if that's what you want to do.

I don't support that with people because I think it's not good for them to continue to frame it that way. You don't have to hate and revile the person. I mean, I certainly agree with that. But I'm after neutrality. I mean, after getting along in the best way you can with a difficult person, if that's what you want to do.

But to expect the person then to go into that next step of compassion and forgiveness, I don't feel in a position to make the judgment that that's what a person should do.

But to expect the person then to go into that next step of compassion and forgiveness, I don't feel in a position to make the judgment that that's what a person should do.

To me, I look at that question differently. I look at it, do any of us owe anybody else anything?

To me, I look at that question differently. I look at it, do any of us owe anybody else anything?

The answer is yes, I think we do as human beings. If I'm walking down the street and somebody trips and falls, I'm going to stop and help them get up. I mean, there are things that call out altruistic, helpful responses. I mean, I wouldn't want to live in a world where that wasn't there. But what has happened is that there has been such a—to get back to those stereotypes again—

The answer is yes, I think we do as human beings. If I'm walking down the street and somebody trips and falls, I'm going to stop and help them get up. I mean, there are things that call out altruistic, helpful responses. I mean, I wouldn't want to live in a world where that wasn't there. But what has happened is that there has been such a—to get back to those stereotypes again—

There's been such an assumption that because you're my child, you owe me something in terms of like payback or I'm entitled to your attention and I can treat you any way I want because we're family and you're my child. That's where you get up to a point where there should be a boundary. I mean, there is no law that says you have to respond in a certain way.

There's been such an assumption that because you're my child, you owe me something in terms of like payback or I'm entitled to your attention and I can treat you any way I want because we're family and you're my child. That's where you get up to a point where there should be a boundary. I mean, there is no law that says you have to respond in a certain way.

And what I'm about is know what it's going to cost you to respond. Think about yourself, too, and then make your best decision about it. We ultimately do have the right to say no when something is going to harm us.

And what I'm about is know what it's going to cost you to respond. Think about yourself, too, and then make your best decision about it. We ultimately do have the right to say no when something is going to harm us.

Yeah, you know, I think if you ever watch little kids, their default mode is happiness. And that's because they're spontaneously going and doing the next interesting thing. They just naturally are following their energies of the moment. So I think that's what happens with people too.