Dr. Marisa G. Franco
speaker
586 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Jul 2026
last heard 15 Jul
Dr. Marisa G. Franco’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Jul 2026 with 1.
Appearances
But the thing about memories is they don't just record the past.
They predict the future.
So for the insecure attachment styles, they think that it's going to happen again.
And that's why you show up in friendship the ways that you do.
Because the anxious person assumes they're going to get abandoned again.
The avoidant person assumes they're going to get harmed again.
And it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Because if the anxious person is constantly needing reinsurance, eventually their friend may get a little fed up and back away.
Or if the avoidant person is always looking out for signs of harm, they might actually find it and miss the larger context of the friendship.
But the thing about memories is because they're made to predict the future and not record the past, we can actually change them so that they could better predict the future.
We can change the emotional valence of the memory.
We can change how it sits in our brain.
And that's really according to memory reconsolidation theory, which I go into a lot in the new book, Worth.
It's kind of the founding theory of the book.
But
It's this idea that every time we revisit a memory, we can change how it sits in our brain.
And so the research has looked like people go back to a memory of harm and they intervene as their adult self and they say all the things that they needed to hear at the time.
Maybe they're being bullied and they say, there's nothing wrong with you.
The way this person's reacting to you is more about them than you.
You're a beautiful person.
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