Dr. Ryan Martin

I, I,

I don't know why it is the way it is, but let's focus on the parts of this that you can actually control.

Maybe that's your body language when you're in there.

Maybe that's how you're communicating with your coach.

Who knows what it is, but let's figure out what parts we can control and then let's try and focus in on that as we move forward because we don't have a say in how other people are going to treat us.

Sometimes situations just sneak up on us, highly emotional situations that we weren't prepared for.

A lot of times, though, these situations don't sneak up on us.

We can see them coming, or at least we know they are potentially going to happen.

So I can predict with 100% certainty that at some point in my life, I'm going to get caught in traffic again.

And because I know that, I can think now when I'm in a clear state of mind how I want to handle that when it happens.

In doing so, I get better at it just by sort of rehearsing it in my mind, practicing that out, thinking through that.

And we can actually do this with interpersonal conflict.

We can do this in a host of ways.

We can think through these things and practice for them so that when they happen, we've essentially rehearsed it.

And that makes it far easier in the moment when it's happened.

And then the other part is the reflecting back on it and doing that honest assessment that I mentioned before.

What parts of this should I have done differently or what parts of this could I have done differently?

And by doing that, we're essentially doing it's another form of rehearsal where we're better able to to handle that in the future.

Because then once we've had that rehearsal, once we've kind of gone through that, we can now later on when we actually do find ourselves in those moments, we are prepared for that.

And we can, you know, maybe it's something where people have a mantra that they use, which is one recommendation I have for people is like pick a mantra, something that you say to yourself in those tough moments, and then remember to say it.