Dr. Sarah Schnitker

Can I learn to think about things differently and reappraise and reimagine a scenario, maybe engage in benefit findings?

Like during COVID, like, well, this is a great opportunity to spend more time with my child.

This is high quality time, perhaps.

It also might be low quality, but we do have that time.

So benefit finding, thinking about it differently.

But what research shows is that other strategies, which we might not want to use too much, like sometimes just masking your expression with a person or suppressing it or distracting yourself, might actually be helpful in particular situations.

So part of building patience is having a variety of strategies that you can use to

depending on what the situation requires.

Well, I think that's a great thought exercise for a person to go through, right?

Sometimes we are reappraising in a way that is trying to blunt the impact of a scenario.

So I know sometimes my husband runs a nursing home where people are dying very regularly.

My job, that is not what's happening at work with all these college students.

And so sometimes I will say to myself, well, no one died today.

This could be worse.

But also that can feel as if I'm not actually allowing myself the space to have this emotion.

And so what you want to do is say the emotion is valid and not just instantly try to

get rid of it, but instead to wait, to pause, to say, what am I feeling?

Why?

And then say, yes, that's valid.

But how might I move forward now and regulate and think differently to help myself achieve my own goals rather than just pushing everything aside?